Showing posts with label Movie Review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movie Review. Show all posts
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Movie Review Of A Movie I Didn't Bother To See
Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
Starring: Some Indian Dude, Some Korean Dude, Some Gay Dude, Some Hot Chicks, Some Dumb White Dudes, Some Racist Hillbilly Dudes, Maybe some Cuban Dudes, and some lame ass writing.
Premise: After Harold and Kumar decide to stop touching pee pees they leave White Castle and decide on a impromptu trip to Europe, probably Amsterdam, in order to bake their brains while watching live sex shows. I'm guessing since one of the is brown and since they like pot so much the word bong was mistaken for bomb and they happen to be on the one flight that actually has an air marshal (some dumb white dude) and are apprehended. Since they are brown, well, one of them is light brown, they are considered terrorists and are sent to Guantanamo Bay. Fortunately for them Col. Jessep is nowhere to be seen and they somehow escape to the deep south. Oh boy, you know where they jokes are headed don't you? That's right they meet dumb hillbillies and the Ku Klux Klan. Wow, what writing skills these people have, I mean, poking fun at Republicans and white people, those jokes never get stale do they? Then they get baked again and have sex with hot chicks. Then they go to White Castle which, thankfully, don't have that many white people. The End.
Lesson Learned: White people suck and they have a funny way of driving, it's true, we are soooo lame! Also the war on errorism (get it? I said errorism and not terrorism) is best left for people who are not Republicans, Barak Obama save us from our guns and attachment to religion!!!! Also not all Muslims are terrorists but all white people are dumb or racist or both. They also have attachment to guns and aren't afraid to use them. I'm holding a shotgun and typing this at the same time so I guess it's true.
Ratings:
NUVO: The writing sucks but since it makes fun of white people and Republicans 5 out of 4 starts.
High Times: Instant classic man, 10 stars!! What were we talking about again?
Joe Shearer Indy Star: Sorry, I was too busy stuffing my face with popcorn, I'll just say 3 out of 4 stars.
Fox News: Since we are full of lame white people 2 out of 4. Wait, just to show you whippersnappers that we aren't square 2 1/2 out of 4.
Starring: Some Indian Dude, Some Korean Dude, Some Gay Dude, Some Hot Chicks, Some Dumb White Dudes, Some Racist Hillbilly Dudes, Maybe some Cuban Dudes, and some lame ass writing.
Premise: After Harold and Kumar decide to stop touching pee pees they leave White Castle and decide on a impromptu trip to Europe, probably Amsterdam, in order to bake their brains while watching live sex shows. I'm guessing since one of the is brown and since they like pot so much the word bong was mistaken for bomb and they happen to be on the one flight that actually has an air marshal (some dumb white dude) and are apprehended. Since they are brown, well, one of them is light brown, they are considered terrorists and are sent to Guantanamo Bay. Fortunately for them Col. Jessep is nowhere to be seen and they somehow escape to the deep south. Oh boy, you know where they jokes are headed don't you? That's right they meet dumb hillbillies and the Ku Klux Klan. Wow, what writing skills these people have, I mean, poking fun at Republicans and white people, those jokes never get stale do they? Then they get baked again and have sex with hot chicks. Then they go to White Castle which, thankfully, don't have that many white people. The End.
Lesson Learned: White people suck and they have a funny way of driving, it's true, we are soooo lame! Also the war on errorism (get it? I said errorism and not terrorism) is best left for people who are not Republicans, Barak Obama save us from our guns and attachment to religion!!!! Also not all Muslims are terrorists but all white people are dumb or racist or both. They also have attachment to guns and aren't afraid to use them. I'm holding a shotgun and typing this at the same time so I guess it's true.
Ratings:
NUVO: The writing sucks but since it makes fun of white people and Republicans 5 out of 4 starts.
High Times: Instant classic man, 10 stars!! What were we talking about again?
Joe Shearer Indy Star: Sorry, I was too busy stuffing my face with popcorn, I'll just say 3 out of 4 stars.
Fox News: Since we are full of lame white people 2 out of 4. Wait, just to show you whippersnappers that we aren't square 2 1/2 out of 4.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Movie Review Of A Movie I Didn't Bother To See
Witless Protection
Starring: Larry The Cable Guy, Some chick who should be on Cinemax being banged by some dude with a barbed wire tattoo, Jenny McCarthy, ummm..some other people.
Review: Larry The Cable Guy plays a Sherriff who rescues some chick who is a part of some Enron type scandal deal and the kidnapper turns out to be an FBI agent. Larry is a huge red neck and he constantly....wait....I just got it. Witless protection is a play on words for Witness Protection. Oh snap! That's fucking hilarious! Jesus, who comes up with this stuff?! Give that man a raise! The movie itself? Uhh....it sucks balls. I haven't seen it but I'm guessing it sucks worse than Jumper, another movie I haven't seen. Anyhoo....
Star Ratings
If your a hick: ***** (out of 5) and Five thumbs up.
Snooty Liberal: 1/2 *
Complete Drunk: *** (out of 5)
Meth Addict: ** (out of 5)
If you work for NUVO: 1/2 1/2 * since it didn't involve gays or Bush bashing.
Starring: Larry The Cable Guy, Some chick who should be on Cinemax being banged by some dude with a barbed wire tattoo, Jenny McCarthy, ummm..some other people.
Review: Larry The Cable Guy plays a Sherriff who rescues some chick who is a part of some Enron type scandal deal and the kidnapper turns out to be an FBI agent. Larry is a huge red neck and he constantly....wait....I just got it. Witless protection is a play on words for Witness Protection. Oh snap! That's fucking hilarious! Jesus, who comes up with this stuff?! Give that man a raise! The movie itself? Uhh....it sucks balls. I haven't seen it but I'm guessing it sucks worse than Jumper, another movie I haven't seen. Anyhoo....
Star Ratings
If your a hick: ***** (out of 5) and Five thumbs up.
Snooty Liberal: 1/2 *
Complete Drunk: *** (out of 5)
Meth Addict: ** (out of 5)
If you work for NUVO: 1/2 1/2 * since it didn't involve gays or Bush bashing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
