The Pacers Are Broke Yo

If you guys haven't heard, and I'm sure you've haven't, the Pacers have announced that they have lost more money than M.C. Hammer and Mike Tyson combined. When looking at the worth of the Pacers they are at 300 million, but Herb Simon says that they have lost 200 million since he took over the club in 19whatever. Many blame the shitty performance since thugs took over the team in 2004. But I say that if the thugs actually took the Pacers anywhere this would be a different situation. To me the whole thing started to snowball since Donny Walsh decided to hire the worst person in the world, no, not Rush Limbaugh there Keith Olbermann but Isiah Thomas back in 2001 when Larry Bird decided to "retire" to get great blowjobs from lot lizards back in French Lick.

Let's here from the owner himself, Herb Simon. Oh.....Herb.

-There comes a point where you have to say, 'Maybe I can't do this anymore,' Simon, 74, said in an hour long meeting with executives and reporters at The Indianapolis Star. Certainly my family, if I'm not here, is not going to be able to do it. So, let's straighten this thing out. Maybe we can't. But let us try. Sure, I would have picked a better time than the world's greatest economic crisis. The timing sucks, but that's what it is.-

Great, thanks a pant load there Herb the city builds you a beautiful building downtown and you decide that maybe you can't do this anymore. I know that really the NBA as a whole is a complete disaster and the Pacers are just swept up in the tsunami of the shit economy but threatening to move the team if the can't do this anymore is a dick move. This city has supported you through thick and thin and we abondaned you because you put together a horriffic team full of shitty contracts and thugs that can't shoot worth a shit, with guns and the ball. I still root for the Pacers, basically becuase I know this team won't be around much longer and the fact that if Indy loses any pro team we won't get it back....ever. I know you hippies don't give a shit and think that these teams don't do any good for the city, but when these teams do well, more jobs and more money, pure and simple. Just ask any economically depressed city their opinion, like Oklahoma City.

NBA Going Down In Flames?

Oh well, grab the marshmallows 'cause I don't give a rat's ass. Bill Simmons aka The Sports Guy aka Tom Brady's official fluffer actually wrote a decent article recently talking about the NBA's current money problems. I would give you the link to the article but I hate Simmons and doing so would somehow encourage you to read him, which I wouldn't. In it it explained that 10 teams have accepted a loan from JP Morgan for like kagillions of dollars to keep them afloat. I would give you a actual numbers but if Obama can throw out ridiculous numbers I can too. But really who cares? I certainly don't, I would rather see the NBA go down in a raging inferno than the NHL, and I don't watch hockey. So why would I actually want to see the NHL stay afloat than the NBA? Well I know you liberals probably think racism which is usually the first thing to come to mind for you folks (that and homophobia) when me wanting a league filled primarily with African Americans to hit the bricks than a league full of Europeans and European Americans. But here are the real reasons I seriously hate the NBA (except for the Pacers, which I still watch and root for, that's right, I'm that guy).

It's Horrifically Predictable

Emperor Stern changed the format of the playoffs a couple of years back basically to make sure that the top seeded teams made it through without a scratch. It's a hell of a lot easier for an 8th seed to upset a 1 seed in 5 games than in 7. I believe this crap started around 2000 so that the star studded Lakers had a clear path to the finals so we could see Shaq foul and violate the 3 second rule, Kobe handcheck and carry like mad and Phil Jackson sit on the bench asleep while scratching his balls. Fun stuff. Last year I stopped watching the NBA when I saw Boston and L.A. in first place in their respective conferences. And lo and behold look who's in the finals. It's just too damn predictable.

It's Star Driven, Not Team Driven

When you hear any announcement about upcoming games you hear: "Lebron and the Cavs" or "Kobe and the Laker". I know that's just the way sports is nowadays but the NBA have really put so much emphasis on their stars that passing and fundamentals takes a back seat to showboating assholes.

The Officiating Is Ridiculous

Back in the glory days of Micheal Jordan you not only had to face Jordan but the officials. If you breathed on the guy he would take a trip to free throw line. And opposite of that he could basically get in a car and run people over and the officials would choke on their whistles. And that's pretty much the way it goes with any star player. Numerous people, Ralph Nader was one of them, have pounded the NBA for shoddy officiating. Sterns response? Usually an arrogant, childish comment questioning the person who dares challenge Stern intellectual prowess. And it's right there, questionble call after questionable call. Even if you point Stern's nose right in the pile of shit that is his doing he just arrogantly brushes it off. Then this happened...

Tim Donoghy

After Stern defended the officials to the hilt so much that he fined Mark Cuban jabillions of dollars for even hinting that the officials suck it turned out that one of his brethren was right in the middle of a point shaving scandal. Seriously, if your review of officials were that great and you shat on anyone who questioned your authority how did this whopper get past you? Shittiest commissioner ever.

Guaranteed Contracts

You just signed a hefty contract, say 10 years 100 million. You start sucking the minute the contract sucks, so, can you take money away from the player? Nope, for the next 10 years, healthy or not, they will sit back, jerk off and count their money while he plays shitty defense and clangs free throws. Oh, he can say he's injured and stay on the bench and not get one penny taken away. Welcome to the world of Matt Geiger and other shitty contracts. The thing is, he's one of hundreds of shit guaranteed contracts in the NBA and while you ask what does it matter. Shouldn't they have the right to do this? Sure, but it sure makes for some shitty NBA games. And it has killed the NBA.

Thug Life

There are good guys in the league, Tim Duncan, Lebron, etc. But for every Aurther Ashe there are 10 Tupaks all tattooed up and waiting to bust a cap in any ones ass. And it isn't just the players, it's the entourage and fans, take a gander at thisarticle from a couple of years back.

There are more reasons but I'm sick of this shitty post.

Indiana Pacers - 2007- 2008 Preview

This comes a day late (and a dollar short) but I'll do it anyways. My lovely wife scored suite tickets to the Pacers v. Timberwolves pre-season game a couple of weeks back so I got to see our Indiana Pacers up close and personal. So while I was pounding free beer, nachos and fruit I made mental notes and compiled my drunken opinion on how the Pacers will shape up for the waaaay too long NBA season for 2007-2008. They started out pretty strong last night without Jermaine O'Neal which made me proud. But since the NBA is as fixed as WWE (without the steroid induced murder-suicides) there is no fucking way Herr Stern would allow the Pacers anywhere near the NBA finals. But since I'm a Pacer fan for life, I'll give my stupid, drunken opinion of them. Trust me, if it weren't for the Pacers I would have stopped watching the NBA a looooong time ago.

The Ranking System Ala' Major League

They're Shitty
They're Still Shitty
These Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad
We Can Beat the Yankees

Head Coach - Jim O'Brian

O'Brian took over after the Pacers mercifully wacked Jim Carrey as coach and decided to pump some energy in a very stagnant, slow and plodding offense that was killing us under Carlilse. So far, so good. The Pacers took Washington by surprise last night with the constant up tempo offense. But can the Pacers keep up this frenetic pace? We'll see..

Verdict - These Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad

The Team

Any other GM would have been shown the door if they made the moves that Larry (I look 80 years old) Bird has made over the years. Last year he basically traded Al Harrington for Al Harrington then traded him again for a couple of white boys and a loss of a 1st round draft pick. Not as bad as Isiah Thomas, but still completely crappy. However the team is rid of all egos that basically killed it in the last two years (Stephen Jackson, Ron Artest, Al Harrington) and has replaced it with a roster that had me saying, "who are these fucking guys?" But let's run down the new talent the Pacers have.

Travis (You're killing me Smalls) Diener - Looks like the kid from the Sandlot, but he can pass, run and hit the 3 with regularity. Too bad his defense sucks.

If I'm not mistaken, that's pretty much it for new talent that the Pacers will use regularly.

The rest of the team is what you remember from last year after that horrific trade: Jamaal Tinsley (slimed down), Jermaine O'Neal, Danny Granger, Troy Murphy, and Mike Dunleavy.

Verdict - The Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad

The Offense

Up tempo, break neck speed, hit the open man, hit the three. The Pacers field goal percentage was crap last night but it was a welcome site compared to the granny trot that was Jim Carrey's offense last year. But can they keep this up the entire year?

Verdict - The Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad

The Defense

In order to win they are going to have to score more than the c-note they give up regularly to other teams. In other words....

Verdict - They're Shitty

The Bench

Couldn't pick them out of a police line up. Showed promise last night, but, this could easily tank if they go on a long stretch of losing.

Verdict - They're Still Shitty

The Management

Did I mention the horrific trades and draft picks made by Larry Bird? Yeah, I'm sure I did.

Verdict - They're Still Shitty

My Drunken NBA Predictions

Pacers

Will probably finish 6 or below in the Eastern Conference and then get bounced in the first round. But Jim O'Brian did actually take the Celtics to the 2002 Eastern Conference Finals, so who knows? Like I am with the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Indy Colts, cautiously optimistic, but will probably blow up in my face, and I'll go drink and cry and cry and drink some more.

The Rest of the NBA

Eastern Conference Champs - Pistons, or whoever Herr Stern wants to win.
Western Conference Champs - Suns, or whoever Herr Stern wants to win.
NBA Champs of 2008 - Whoever Herr Stern wants to win.

WTF David Stern?

I read earlier that Herr David Stern has let numerous refs off the hook for gambling at casinos stating that there is nothing to be concerned about as long as they don't bet on sports. What the fuck? Didn't they just have a huge betting scandal not too long ago because of a ref's gambling addiction. What makes him think this won't happen again? So he isn't strict with the refs when it comes to rule breaking but he is horrifically strict when it comes to players. He wouldn't bend when Suns players came to the aid of a hip checked Steve Nash when they thought their best player (2 time MVP) was hurt when Cheap Shot Rob Horry purpously bumped the point guard into the scorers table. He suspended the Suns players who left the bench basically giving the NBA championship to the Spurs. Don't get me started with what he did to the Pacers in 2004.

Rasheed Wallace stated earlier that he thought the NBA was fixed. For the first time I agree with Rashweed, I really do think it's fixed when Stern pulls shit like this. Other instances that stick out in my mind that the NBA is not on the up and up:

1999 Eastern Conference Final - Knicks v. Pacers - a lot of calls against the Pacers, Knick Bavetta called the continuation foul against Antonio Davis even though Grand ma ma Larry Johnson wasn't touched.

2002 Western Conference Final - Game 6 - Kings v. Lakers - just an unbelievably shitty called game that looked like it was a fix. It was blantent. Kobe elbows Doug Christie in the face and Christie is called for a foul, I'm not making this up.

1997 NBA Finals - Bulls v. Jazz - Micheal Jordan pushes off the Jazz point guard that was an obvious foul and Jordan scored the winning shot.

2007 - Isiah Thomas v. MSG employee - Thomas found guilty for sexual harrasment against an employee and never denied making racist statements against whites. Never disciplined by the NBA and never called out in the press (unless you count Al Sharpton, which I don't) and still has a job.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head even though I know there are a ton more examples. If it weren't for the Pacers I really wouldn't give a shit about the NBA.