The Best Albums Of The Aughts

Goodbye aughts, hello roaring teens. Or depression teens, depending on who you talk to. Well, had a good decade, got engaged, then broke it off, became a funeral director, sold caskets, got burned out, then laid off. Had a couple of very awkward relationships with the opposite sex. Told a girl that kissing her made me throw up. Got drunk a lot, then sobered up, then got drunk a lot again, then sobered up again. Lost a lot of weight, met my current wife on the internets, got engaged again, got married, gained all the weight back. Saw Europe, bought a shitty house where two swift kicks to the wall will take you outside the house, had a kid. Got bone crippling depression from a job I despised, went back to school, got another degree, found a great job. Had another kid, then another, hopefully not another anytime soon (we're running out of names). So there you go, my decade in a nutshell.

But the thing I'll remember most about the decade is the albums, those awesome albums that got me through decade of "shock and awe" and "hopey, changey." Now, this is my list, alright? So make your own and post it and leave me alone. I know they suck, I have shitty taste in music.

10) Bouncing Souls - How I Spent My Summer Vacation (2001) - Now, this album is pretty much your standard poppy punk album, but what stands out are all the memories of that awesome year of 2001 that are associated with it. Seriously, it was a good year.

9) Dethklok - The Dethalbum (2008) - They aren't really technically a band but damn is it good. Melodic death metal. Lost Vikings is about a group of Vikings riding to battle then become lost, then are too stubborn to stop and ask directions. Funny and rocking.

8) Face to Face - How To Ruin Everything (2002) - The last album from one of my favorite bands.

7) Massive Attack - 100th Window (2003, I think) - Very haunting, melodic piece of electronica.

6) Minus The Bear - Menos el Oso (2005) - Yes, it's just Minus the Bear in mexican, or some sort of spanish. One of the few new bands that surprised me and made a great album.

5) Radio 4 - The New Song And Dance (2000) - The first album I ever bought on the internets. Sounds a lot like The Clash, yes I know, but it's still damn good.

4) The Suicide Machines - The Suicide Machines (2000) - The happily go lucky young men turned angry young men. Getting swept up in a "revolution" will do that I guess. But hey, I actually played one of their songs at my wedding.

3) Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures (2009) - Yes, I like this album that much.

2) The Underworld - A Hundred Days Off (2002) - An album that I have not really put down since I bought. Great combo of electronica and hypnotic melodies. Or whatever.

1 b) Queens of the Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf (2002) - Awesome, great, spectacular, another superlative! Josh Homme caught something special and unleashed it on us.

1a) Rush - Vapor Trails (2002) - Seriously, great album. When I first heard One Little Victory on the internets I got a chubby. Seriously, I did. But it's basically Neil Peart bearing his tormented soul to the nerds, and we all listened, and bought the shirt.

Them Crooked Vultures

I'm back! Who cares? Anyways I had to comment on this album which is the first complete album I ever downloaded from itunes. Fucking Steve Jobs, when the going gets tough, the tough raise their prices. $1.29 per fucking tune, thanks a pantload Chet, you must be a Republican, oh wait, your not! Anyways the reason why I downloaded the entire album other than it made more sense economy wise was the fact that it was a really good album. The first since Thievery Corporations' Radio Retaliation that I though was great. Let's run down Them Crooked Vultures lineup.

Josh Homme - Guitars, Vocals, Major Drug User, Damn good guitarist.

Dave Grohl - Drums, Bad-ass beard wearer, all around good guy.

John Paul Jones - Bass, Keys, the bad ass mother fucker from Led Zeppelin. It's THAT John Paul Jones. All 63 years old of him.

How about that lineup?! When I read that they were making an album I almost fainted, in joy. That makes no sense. Whatever, I was anticipating a good album. And I wasn't disappointed. Now, let's be honest. Does it break any new ground? No. Is it a perfect album? No. But it is a album full of hard rock and good tunes? Yes by god, yes. No, it's isn't jock rock, and it isn't like any of the wussy crap out now. I can sum it up it one sentence. Queen of the Stone Age meets Led Zeppelin meets Dave Grohl's drumming. There you go. Anything disappointing about it? Well, Dave Grohl didn't necessarily tear up the joint but was competent like Don Brewer (Simpson joke) and John Paul Jones' bass was good , but wasn't what I was expecting. But not bad at all.

The High Points

Bandoliers - The first song that really jumped out at me. The best on the album
Caligulove - Good title.
Elephants - 2nd best song, nothing to do with Gus Van Sant's (sp) movie. So it isn't gay.
Gunman - Has a nice little, freaky bass-line and haunting chorus.
Mind Eraser, No Chaser - Sounds like a Zep tune, they offered it as a free single two weeks before the albums release. Nice guys.
New Fang - Great tune, the 3rd best.
Reptiles - Someone call Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, their shit just got hijacked. Still a great tune. 4th best.
Scumbag Blues - Meh, still good though. Feels more like a Cream tune, so the Godfather will enjoy it.
No One Loves Me & Neither Do I - Alright enough, not exactly how to start off an album. Enough with the double entandres.
Interlude With Ludes - Get it? Takes a couple of listens to really appreciate it.

The Low Points

Warsaw Or The First Breath You Give Up
and
Spinning in Daffodils

These two songs were basically the rest of the band giving the keys of the car to Josh Homme and not giving him a curfew. Not awful, but not great. Meh.

Still, only two throw away tracks. Not bad.

The Best thing about this album was the fact that Dave Grohl and John Paul Jones didn't let Josh Homme take control and let the songs completely get trippy and LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG. Ever since his bassist from Queens of the Stone Age was kicked out (Nick Oliveri from The Dwarves fame) his songs have a tendency to either get away from him a little, or get really poppy. But these guys really ground him. Also, the guitar work is great, the solos are great, the tangents are great. This is a great album. It is a complete album, I seriously recommend this. I mean c'mon, I know, I hate Foo Fighters but Dave Grohl is a great drummer (see QOTSA, Killing Joke and Probot) and he really adds to this album. Thankfully he doesn't try to imitate John Bonham and really does a great job and it's John Paul FUCKING Jones. That's reason enough to buy this thing. Alright, I'm done. I'm back bitches!!!!!!

Songs Over 10 Minutes That Actually Keep My Attention

I grew up on Atari, junk food, Star Wars and Men At Work, so, as an adult it's pretty amazing if anything keeps my attention for longer than 4 minutes. My job is perfect for me because I have to continuously shuffle between rooms to make sure no one is dying and if someone is dying, trust me, your attention span grows. But I thought I would venture away from politics (I noticed that John-O has nixed me from the Blog-O-Sphere, c'est la vie) and list some songs that last a long goddamn time that I can listen to over and over again.

10) Castilian Drums (14:22) - Dave Brubeck - I don't mention jazz much because I only listen to it when I'm either drunk, depressed, trying to impress a chick or all three. But this song by the piano master Dave Brubeck is essentially a drum solo by Tom Morello. And man, it is great. I almost rank this higher than any Neil Peart drum solos only because this bastard took place in '64, when bitchin' drum solos were rare (except for maybe Count Basie's "Tan Your Hide") but I checked myself, lest I wrecked myself. Or what the fuck ever.

9) Scared (10:41) - Dream Theater - You knew they were going to show up on this list at some point. While there were other songs in consideration I have always enjoyed this bastard.

8) In-da-gatta-da-vida (17 goddamn minutes long)- Iron Butterfly - I always choose this at the jukebox because it's more bang for your buck, plus it's fun to watch people go insane (especially young uns) who don't know the song and don't realize that it last for fucking ever. Of course, there's a drum solo. First heard this in 10th grade and thought it was bitchin'.

7) Karn Evil 9 (29:41) - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - This isn't music, it's endurance. While it's packaged as separate songs it's meant as one long rock opera. It was so long they had to bust it up on two different sides.

6) Domino (10:45) - Genesis - Kinda dorky now but It's still one of my favorites, when Phil Collins had talent and hair.

5) Autumn Leaves (10:59) - Miles Davis - Again with the jazz, but Miles Davis (may he rest in peace) wrote some of the best tunes tunes of all time. He may have hated whitey but man did he love making kick ass jazz tunes. This one is one of my faves to relax and smoke a stogie to. Even though it's been a long time since I've done that. There were other tunes to consider that lasted over 10 minutes (My Funny Valentine, All Blues) but this one I like just a smidgen over the others.

4) Trainspotting (10:35) - Primal Scream - As the title indicates it's from Trainspotting soundtrack. While sober it's not much but drunk (and...ahem...high) it's pretty fun to listen to.

3) The Camera Eye (10:59) - Rush - Let's get this one out of the way.

2) Dark & Long (Dark Train) (10:53) - Underworld - Also used in Trainspotting (the dead baby falling from ceiling/coming down from heroine sequence) but this always reminds me of Ireland when I visited, but the trip lasted forever and I needed long songs for my then limited spaced Mp3 player.

1) Take a Pebble (12:49) - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Almost cheating because in the middle of this song is a long hoedown but man, I do love the piano.

The Great Debate - Rush

Should Rush Be In The Rock n' Roll Hall Of Fame?

Once again Rush has been passed over for induction into the Rock n' Roll Hall Of Fame for this year. This has been an on going thing for Rush fans (except me, more on that later) since 1999 when they were first eligible , there is even an online petition to sign to get them in. But some of the higher ups in the HOF, who don't even play instruments or have ever been in a band, have publicly said that as long as they are around Rush will never get in. Why? Because according to them they have never made an impact or have had a significant contribution to Rock. But Blondie is in for fuck sakes. Have you ever heard anyone in music say, "Yeah man, I was heavily influenced by Blondie?" Yeah, me neither. But many musicians, like Metallica who got in this year, have cited Rush as a main influence. After all, Geddy Lee's bass is in the hall, why not the rest of the band? Shouldn't we celebrate Rush who have a shitload of gold and platinum albums to their credit? Who are fine tuned musicians that are the best, or nearly the best, on their instruments? Who are the authors of very complex yet rocking tunes? I know Neil can get really heavy handed and come off like a egotistical a-hole with his lyrics sometimes (especially Snakes and Arrows) but come on. Should these dudes who have been around my entire life (not an exaggeration, 30+ years) cranking out albums and great concerts be recognized?

No, I don't, here's why. The very essence of rock n' roll is to be a renegade, an outsider, to give a nice, healthy middle finger to conformity. Now the same douchebags who got high, went to Woodstock and influenced a generation of stupid kids to say fuck you to authority are now the authority on who should be in their snobby, cheese eating, champagne drinking, $2500/plate club. What the fuck? Have you ever seen the ceremonies? Not very rock n' roll, it looks like a political fund raiser with a bunch of dinosaurs on stage desperately trying to play music and act young (I saw The Police last year). As a matter of fact, I'm not alone in this The Sex Pistols sent a nice fuck you letter to the HOF back in 2006 when they were nominated. Now that's rock n' roll baby, well actually punk. Plus I really hate the HOF. It was basically set up by hippies to recognize hippies (Beatles, Rolling Stone, Jimi Hendrix, etc.) from the 60's but found themselves in a mess when they realized they had to keep going and keep inducting bands. What's going to happen when they continue through the 80's? Induct Bon fucking Jovi? Nirvana is the only given that will be the next big thing and were around barely 5 years and they weren't even that talented. Hell, I would nominate them as a crappy rock band.

So that's it, the great debate. Should Rush be in the Rock n' Roll Hall Of Fame?

My Top 10 Favorite Guitarists Of All Time

Before I began I would like to explain that this won't be the conventional top guitarists of all time list. You won't see the usual suspects like Jeff Beck, Clapton, Hendricks, Vaughn or anyone like that. These are the guitarists I've always enjoyed over the years that I feel are overlooked. Maybe because they weren't active in the 60's and 70's, maybe because they were over shadowed by their band mates, or maybe because they actually suck. Anyways....

10) Johnny Marr - The Smiths, Johnny Marr and the Healers - The Smiths are one of those bands where the band mates hated each other immensely but still managed to crank out great tunes. Things were so bad between Morrissey and Marr (hell Morrissey hates everyone but himself) that they broke up right after recording their last album, Strangeways Here We Come. Marr's guitar always stood out, even more than Morrissey's vocals.

9) Josh Homme - Queens of the Stone Age - I've touched on QOTSA before, Homme, I think, is a great guitarist, his extended live jams are great. Sure he hits the bong and pills and booze more than he really should, but he's still tops in my book.

8) David Gilmour - Pink Floyd - I really didn't get into Floyd until Division Bell, blasphemy I know, but Gilmour's guitar is expressive and smooth, just like me baby. (awkward silence).

7) Vernon Reid - Living Colour - Just shreds the guitar. Very talented and very egotistical. Aren't they all? I was sold after hearing Cult of Personality.

6) J. Mascis - Dinosaur, Jr. - Complete freak of nature in terms of talent and appearance. I once heard a bootleg tape of J. completely drunk off his ass go on stage for open mic night at a trendy bar somewhere on the east coast and basically play 5 new songs right on the spot on the acoustic guitar. I kept thinking this was bullshit but apparently it happened that way. Good to see Dinosaur, Jr. come back with new material this year.

5) Pete Townsend - The Who - The brains behind The Who that, until recently, was always looked over as a great guitarist. His acoustic prowess is what impresses me more than anything. I still get goose bumps when I hear the opening of Pinball Wizard. Of course, I also get goose bumps when Is There Something I Should Know by Duran Duran comes on.

4) Eric Johnson - Solo - Just an unbelievably talented guitarist. He came on the scene in Texas at the tender age of 15 hot licking blues around the Austin bar scene. He never really hit the big time and really never became a household name just because his music is really an acquired taste, and a lot of people don't like that taste, including all of my girlfriends. I have to credit 92.3 for turning me on to Eric, they played Cliffs Of Dover non stop waaaay back in 1990.

3) Alex Lifeson - Rush - I always find it weird Lifeson never gets any...um...props (fuck I hate that word), but he doesn't. Spirit of Radio is one hell of a lick and before Rush started introducing moogs to their repertoire Alex was the one leading the band. I personally think he's talented as hell but since Rolling Stone or the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame doesn't (pretty much the same thing) I guess I'm wrong.

2) Bob Mould - Husker Du/Sugar - Probably the loudest guitar I've ever heard and he's talented as hell. Divide and Conquer is a great tune.

1) Andy Summers - The Police - He couldn't write any songs worth a damn but he is a great guitarist in my book. Sting and Stewart Copeland were the ones getting all the accolades, well Sting really, but Andy always seemed to be left in the cold. I like his style and he is the first guitarist I ever liked. Sting pretty much was a douche to him his entire career.

Classic Guitarist I Actually Like

Jimi Hendrick
Jimmy Paige
Eric Clapton - with Cream only, not big on his solo stuff
Duane Allman
Jon Petrucci

Those Were The Days.....

From left to right: Prime Mover, Mike, Godfather. Seated: John-O, Matt

Coming home from work I either listen to Steve Czaben, Mike and Mike or Man-Cow. I kept it on Man-Cow for some reason, maybe it's his Libertarian sensibilities or the fact that he rips everyone, including Obama. Anyways he did a time capsule for 1992's MTV video awards. You guys remember videos right? I guess Van Halen opened up the show playing Right Now, Elton John sang some gay ass song next then Guns n' Roses played November Rain with his gayness banging on the keys. Just goes to show how far we have fallen since Britney Spears won awards at this year's show. Pretty fucking pathetic. No one knows how to play an actual instrument anymore and rock has been delegated to VH-1 classic. The only semblance of rock is now played by 20 year old kids with skinny jeans, shitty hair, and are in touch with their feelings. I miss the old days. Hell, I even miss Poison.

The Best (And Worst) Of Mental Handicapped Acting

There's an old saying, if you want an Oscar act retarded, I mean literally retarded. Playing a mentally challenged individual is not easy, there's preparation, clothing to be picked out, helmets to be tried on, mittens to be stapled to coats then recreating this in front of the camera with the film crew desperately trying not to laugh like hell. Here are the best and worst.

Leonardo DiCaprio - Arnie - What's Eating Gilbert Grape

Pretty much Leo's best role, seriously, everything else compared to this is complete crap. I don't care how good The Departed is Leo pegged the angst of a 16 year old handicapped boy who likes to decapitate bugs in mailboxes and climb water towers perfectly. When finding his morbidly obese mother dead, shit, sorry, SPOILER ALERT, Leo does a great job freaking out, hitting his head then cower to the corner like a horse seeing a shotgun.

The Mental Handicap Portrayed- The Indie Retard. The standard 3 year old speech, the hands, hitting his own head like a confused George Forman seeing himself in the mirror all kit and caboodle in the behavior patterns of a mentally challenged person in an indie film.

Rating: 3 out of 4

Cuba Gooding, Jr. - Radio - Radio

Standard check list before cameras rolled on Cuba. Jump up and down like a child? Check. Crappy clothes? Check. Yell out plays to the opposing team like a two year old on crack? Check. Run head first into a fence chasing a football? Check. This is pretty much Cuba's best role since, umm, errrr, oh that episode of MacGuyver.

The Mental Handicap Portrayed - Copycat Retard. Cuba really just imitated the real Radio, not much of a challenge there. Plus they are both black and bald, well, Cuba has 9/10Th of the role nailed already. Now if someone like Sidney Poitier did it? There's a movie.

Rating: 2 out of 4

Ed Norton - Jack - The Score

This was a challenge for Norton because he had to become normal to handicapped and back again at a drop of a hat. He's the inside man at a museum that houses a sceptre that he and Deniro want to steal which is, I guess, is worth like a hundred dollars (10,000 in Canadian dollars). So when he takes the persona of a mentally handicapped putz it's less likely the Canadian Mounties will suspect him once the shit goes down. Unfortunately he tries to dick over Mumbles DeNiro. Bad move.

The Mental Handicap portrayed - Secret Double Handicap With Catch Phrase. That right my friends we have the tripeca! Not only does he act like he has the brain of a five year old he also twitches his mouth and walks like I do after 20 beers, plus the hand and arm thing, then his own catch phrase, "Ok bye bye" (french kissing sound) Magnifiek! Unfortunately no academy awards came Norton's way for his efforts, so I hope his mouth and face didn't feel too sore after filming wrapped.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 4

Unknown Actor - The Gimp - Pulp Fiction

Anyone dressed up in leather, put in chains and only brought out to play watch dog while his owners sodomize unwilling and unknowing suspects has to have some sort of mental handicap right? All the guy does is grunt for pete sakes! Plus, is that guy always on? I mean isn't there a time where he takes a time out and gets a cup of coffee and relax with Redfoot or does he just inhale leftover scraps in his cage like a crazed gorilla? The mind boggles.

The Mental Handicap Portrayed - The Gimp. The guy has his own category. I'm not sure if that is a mentally handicapped person, for all we know it could be a shaved gorilla underneath all that leather. I like how he freaks like Chim Chim losing her favorite kitten when Butch escapes.

Rating 2 out of 4

Juliet Lewis/GIavonni Rubisi - Carla Tate/Daniel McMann - The Other Sister

Giavonni already has that dazed look of a mentally handicap person and Juliet Lewis, I mean, c'mon too easy, they were born for this part. But as the title implies, The Other Sister, Juliet is meant to be seen and not heard and is a total embarrassment to her family. I guess there was some controversy when this movie came out with how Lewis and Rabissi portrayed handicapped people. I saw no problems with it except, well, they talk about sex. Which is about as awkward as Shaq shooting a free throw.

The Mental Handicap Portrayed - The Retarded Couple. Not since the president and first lady have two people portrayed a handicapped couple with such accuracy (there you go John-O, I bashed George W.) and grace. Too bad everyone thought this movie sucked hard core.

Rating: 1 out of 4

Dustin Hoffman - Raymond - Rain Man (The Best)

Here it is, the man, the legend, the old fuck that started it all, Dustin Hoffman. He wants to know when Wapner is on, he farts in rented undies AND he counts cards as easily as I get drunk and fall down. He may be WAY to old to be Tom Cruise's brother but who cares, he won an academy award before the academy started sucking.

The Mental Handicap Portrayed - Autism. Autism has almost knocked out global warming, I mean, climate change as celebrities' number 1 concern so it's a big deal. But that's be clear Raymond could do what comes naturally that took a bunch of Asian kids from MTI years to master in the casinos, counting cards. Hats off Ray!

Rating: 5 out of 4

Sean Penn - Sam Dawson - I Am Sam (the Worst)

Let's see, a mentally handicapped dude works at Starbucks, I'll say that again STARBUCKS, has a kid AND has an apartment in L.A. Every starving artist take note you can work at Starbucks and have a decent apartment. Anyhoo he has his kid taken away only because he's retarded (assholes) which leads to the worse exchange in cinematic history:

Sam: I need a lawyer to get back my kid.
Lawyer: I'll do it pro bono.
Sam: Pro bono! I can't afford pro bono!
Lawyer: No, pro bono means free.
Sam: I can afford pro bono!? (starts jumping around like baby huey) Pro bono!!!

Awful, just awful. I wonder if any handicapped person actually sued Penn and the maker of this movie.

Then this exchange with his daughter.

Sam: You've grown.
Lucy: Have I?
Sam: Yeah, 'cause your ears are bigger and your eyes are older.

Fuck me man! If I ever uttered that in the presence of my wife to one of my sons she has every right to divorce me and/or kick me in the nuts.

The Mental Handicap Portrayed - Blatant Oscar grabbing handicap - Penn introduced Pearl Jam for the VH1 rock honors for The Who. He mentioned that The Who never sold out, like him and Pearl Jam. Ok, 1) Don't forget that Pearl Jam fought Ticketbastard then relented when they realized that they weren't getting as much money as before so Eddie Vedder couldn't buy his designer markers to write shit on his arm like: "I'm a douche" and "Peace" or whatever the fuck he writes and aren't they on a major record label? And 2) Penn seems to have amnesia because he forgets he did this movie (STARBUCKS!). I don't know what selling out is but it's pretty fucking close to this movie.

Rating: negative infinity out of 4

Corky - Corky - Life Goes On

I can't make fun of my boy Corky so this will be brief

The Mental Handicap Portrayed - Down Syndrome with Beatles Music - Poor Corky realized he was slow when he couldn't solve a simple high school algebra equation. I had the exact same look on my face when I was faced with the same equation in 9th grade. P.S. I flunked that class miserably. So guess what? I'm retarded too and I happy to admit it.

Rating: I'm seriously going to hell for this.

Top Ten Bassists Of All Time

Even though I don't play bass and have never attempted to I knows what I like dammit. These are the best that I've heard in my lifetime. As with all top ten lists, this is just my opinion, there are probably bassists out there I've never heard of that are kick ass.

10) Jack Bruce - Cream, Solo - I'm a huge Cream fan and I always thought that Bruce was one of the best that complemented Eric Clapton well.

9) John Taylor - Duran Duran - Very underrated bassist. The dude from Live (can't remember his name) once stated that he hated Rush and would just noodle to Duran Duran all day.

8) John Myung - Dream Theater - Felt obligated to put him on this list. Though he sounds "robotic" at times he is still one hell of a talent.

7) Scott Shiflett - Face To Face - Kind of a stretch to put him on this list but he's damn good. Got to see them live in Chicago back in '01 and was thouroghly impressed. But don't take my word for it, go buy Face To Face's self titled album.

6) Matt Freeman - Rancid, Operation Ivy - This guy has some serious chops as seen here. Was happy to see these guys live a few years back, old punkers never die.

5) Muzz Skillings - Living Colour - Complete sentimental favorite of mine. Was kicked out of the band after Times Up. No idea why. But he was replaced by another awesome bassist in Doug Wimbish.

4) John Paul Jones - Led Zeppelin - Overshadowed by the others in the group but was (well, is) a great talent. I would give my left nut to see them live, even with Jason Bohnam on drums. His bass line in Immigrant Song is fucking fantastic.

3) Geddy Lee - Rush - Yeah, I know, blah, blah blah Rush is great, blah blah.

2) Tony Levin - Peter Gabriel, King Crimson - Just a freak of nature on the bass. The reason why I love Peter Gabriel so much and he single handedly saved Pink Floyd's Momentary Lapse of Reason. Got to see him with Peter Gabriel on the WOMAD tour back in '93.

1) John Entwisle - The Who - Undisputed best bassist in rock. Was actually kind of bummed when he passed. When I first heard him as a kid I really wanted to play bass, then I heard his counterpart Keith Moon and changed my mind. Still just an unbelievable talent. My mom (who listens to nothing but classical) even thought he was great, that's saying something, believe me.

Honorable Mentions

Flea - Red Hot Chili Peppers - Should be on this list but I find RHCP kind of arrogant and annoying, how many farking songs can you write about California?

Mike Rutherford - Genesis
Tina Weymouth - Talking Heads
Stefan Olsdal - Placebo
Jimbo Wallace - Reverend Horton Heat
Ben Shepard - Soundgarden
Sting - The Police - He actually is pretty good
Justin Chancellor - Tool
Chris Square - Yes - Another one that should be on the list, but oh well.

Maybe I'm Not An Old Crusty Fart After All

Actually I still am but I'm proud to say that I actually like a album produced in 2008, actually TWO. Here they are...

The Whigs - Mission Control - Mind you, they aren't breaking any new ground but they did make a pretty catchy album and it doesn't sound toooo much like the whiny, pussy crap that passes for music nowadays (there's the old fart I know). Decent songs, decent musicians, finally another group besides Minus The Bear that are younger than me that I enjoy. I'm giddy.

the other album

Bob Mould - District Line - Bob Mould is my hero, 47 years old and still banging out great rock tunes. Though some of the tunes on this album are kind of puff there are some decent tracks. Those of you that don't know Bob he's the guitarist/singer/songwriter of Husker Du and Sugar. Husker Du is probably one of my favorite bands of all time.

You Fucking Sell Out!!!!

Selling out could mean a lot of things to many people, but in the end it all comes down to money. Taking a person or groups unique take on music and movies and basically saying, "screw it, time to retire" or "screw it, I just like tons of tons of money, show me where to sign so I can annoy the fuck out of people by doing the same stuff over and over again." But there are many versions of sell out and I'll explore these many ways. But before we do here are the ones that never sold out anything and still did quite well in their fields of endeavor. Like how I talk all smart and stuff? I really have no clue what I'm saying.

MUSIC

1) Fugazi - This Washington D.C. based alt rock group were an inspiration to many punk bands and record store nerds everywhere. DIY was basically invented by these guys. They never had a video on MTV, never were played on mainstream radio and never appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. While they are the very essence of business ethics by keeping prices low for their fans (never more than $10 bucks for a show) they come across as unbelievably pretentious and stuck up, like the guys in High Fidelity, except less funny and more depressing. I actually got to see them back in 2001 and I thought it was one of the worst shows I've ever been to. There is a strict no dancing policy at their shows, so basically there were a bunch of goth/nerd (me)/punk/pretentious kids staring blankly at a stage for an hour and a half. Thankfully I was completely drunk. I actually ran into a old high school chum of mine there. Rob G. He did his usual pretend he never met me, ignore me, then go sit in a corner like the bipolar bear that he is. But nevertheless, their songs are great.

2) NOFX - Great punk band out of L.A. Basically the same as Fugazi except a lot less pretentious and a lot more self deprecating. Fell into the political trap after Bush got into office....ugh. Read my lips No...political....bands....are.....any.....good.

3) Rush - Really they had no choice since many people thought they sucked all through their career. Never listened to any suits at the many record companies they were a part of.

4) Primus - Even though Jerry Was a Race Car Driver was a minor hit Les Claypool and the boys stayed true to their quirky music.

MOVIES

1) David Lynch - Completely bonkers but very imaginative. Not what I would call mainstream. Even though I wasn't high during Lost Highway I felt like I was when I was watching it.

2) Robert Altman - Complete cock sucker (may he rest in peace) but you had to respect his convictions. M*A*S*H the movie was great, one of my all time favorites.

3) Crispin Glover - Again, completely bonkers, very eccentric, never did anything normal. I was forced to sit through Rubin and Ed in college. Thought I was going to shoot myself.


THE SELL OUTS

This is pretty much all the talent I have so be prepared for more of the same until you stop giving me money sell out

These are the people that come out like gangbusters but have absolutely no range when it comes to their craft so they start collecting tons of money for basically doing the same shit over and over again.

Best Example from Movies: Matthew McCanohey - Basically plays the dude from Dazed and Confused in all his movies. Even though his abs have more talent than him he still collects millions of dollars to do crap movies. Ever see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Then you've seen all his films.

Runners up: Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Owen and Luke Wilson, Ben and Casey Afflex, George Clooney, Larry The Cable Guy, Will Ferrel (sigh), Mike Myers.

Best Example From Music: The White Stripes - The incest family came out with their 2001 hit album White Blood Cells (get it?) and scored a major hit with "I Met a Girl (actually my sister)" which was kind of catchy, even though it was blatant that they had no talent whatsoever. Well, the next album was the same as before, as was the next album, but for some unknown reason (perhaps Meg White's ginormous boobies) they kept getting more popular. People keep throwing money at them, good for them I guess.

Runners up: Shit, too many to list.

What the fuck? Sell out

These are the ones that had a great following and pretty much shunned anything and everything mainstream through most of their career then BAM! There they are, shilling for a huge company by doing things they've never done before.

Best Example From Music: Perry Farrell - This guy has pretty much defined his career by fronting Porno For Pyros and the wildly popular Indy band Jane's Addiction. He also formed Lallapallozza that served as a haven for depressed, suicidal teens everywhere. Then there I am this year waiting for a football game to start and who do I see dancing in all gold and singing lyrics to a song that he would have said "fuck you" to 10 years ago? Perry Farrell, along with some popular R&B artist and some popular rapper singing about the upcoming game on ABC. Just shocking.

Runners up: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys (though they kind of went backwards), Foo Fighters

Best Example From Movies: This is a toughie but I would have to say the Coen Brothers. Hear me out. Many of their movies were popular but never mainstream, Burger King glass kinds of movies. Blood Simple, Millers Crossing, Fargo, Hudsucker Proxy, The Big Leubowski, not exactly normal fare for the run of the mill corn eating crowd here in the States. Then it started with Oh Brother Where Art Thou, great movie but man did it become popular. Then two movies that I would designate sell out came out from them, Intolerable Cruelty and the remake of the Ladykillers. Two awful movies that screamed give me money.

Runners Up: John Cusack, Jack Black (he sucks anyways), Danny Boyle, it goes on and on.....

I'm more of a corporation more than an artist sell out

These are guys that seem to be running more of a corporation in order to get a shit loads more money than trying to dazzle us with talent, or no talent, like they used to.

Best Example From Movies: Tom Cruise - This is a no brainer, even though he should really be on the "this is the only talent I have" sell out list it just seems that he's more about running the Scientology corporation than he is about making decent movies. As much as I can't stand Cruise he actually did make a few decent movies back in the day, like before 2002. Then when his Scientology beliefs took over his movie output turned ugly very quickly. I mean Jesus, he interviewed Katie Holmes to be his wife.....allegedly. He also has more lawyers than Micheal Moore.

Runners Up: Nicole Kidman, Christopher Walken, Steve Martin, others that I can't think of right now....

Hopefully my political/humanitarian beliefs will keep me in the spotlight since everyone realizes that I really have no talent or have run out of ideas sell out

This is a pretty recent phenomenon where a musical group or actor realizes that his/hers sales are plummeting so they hop on the we hate George Bush (or any Republican), he's a Nazi, liberty is fading fast, global warming will kill us all band wagon. This also includes those who want a huge pat on the back for sticking up for a cause by posing for a few photos next to homeless/starving kids, then leave town without so much of a dollar donated. They also rally people to curb their "carbon footprint" yet still jet set around the world. Bono had his favorite hat flown in first class for him while he was attending a global crisis conference. These guys crack me up.

Best Example From Music - U2 - In all reality the last good album they made was Actung Baby! Since then their albums sounded good at first then quickly become coasters for my cold beverages. All That We Can't Leave Behind was the last album I bought from them because of the strength of Beautiful Day, then about 6 months later the songs wore thin, absolutely no staying power. It also didn't help that one of their songs showed up on the god aweful Tomb Raider movie soundtrack. Of course Bono covers up his musical mediocrity by going to AIDS conferences, climate crisis conferences, just about any humanitarian conference and the U.N. to tell the nation that diseases are bad, poverty is bad and we should all do something about it. Quick name the last U2 album and the single that came off of it. Give up? So do I.

Runners Up: Dixie Chicks, Green Day, Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., Smashing Pumpkins (though it backfired on them), Incubus, Suicide Machines, NOFX, it goes on and on.

Best Example From Movies - Angelina Jolie - Mrs. TMZ has rarely made a good movie, or even ones that were profitable, yet movie execs throw cash at her to star in their movies. She really has no talent and the only thing she's really good at is kidnapping, errr, adopting children from other countries. She's never met a photo shoot that she doesn't like.

Runners Up: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Susan Surandon, Tim Robbins, Martin and Charlie Sheen, Leonardo DeCaprio (who actually is number 2 on this list). I was going to include Sean Penn but as much as he's bat shit insane the guy does have talent.

Note: I truly think these guys secretly voted for Bush, I really do.

I was seriously better when I was on smack sell out. Also known as "no drugs, no soul" sell out.

Pretty self explanatory, people who's careers were obviously better when they were snorting coke, doing eight balls and lighting spoons.

Best Example From Music - Jimmy Page - One of the men behind the success of Led Zeppelin, let's face it, his musical output became horrific after giving up smack.

Runners Up: Not too many that survived actually.

Best Example From Movies - Robin Williams - Let's just imagine this conversation on the set of Good Morning Vietnam.

"Lights? Check. Camera? Check. Sound? Check. Fistful of coke for Mr. Williams? Check."

After smack he just became annoying, VERY annoying. Give him credit though, even though he hasn't made a decent or profitable movie in at least 8 years he still somehow manages to find work.

Runners Up: Pretty much anyone that survived their addiction.

This was a bad post, but I started it and now it's finished.

The Song I Like And The Things That Ruined Them For Me

When you first hear a song that you love you would like to love it for the rest of your life. But there are some things that ruin the magic and you end up not listening to the song ever again due to adverse circumstances. Here are just a few.

The Song: Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili-Peppers
Who Ruined It: Radio
Explanation: If there was ever a law passed with songs that should never be played again due to over play this would be first in line. This song was great when first released, then radio got ahold of it and went on to play it every hour on the hour. It got old within 3 weeks. Then it became annoying. Then there was the video with a half naked Anthony Kiedes running towards me in a weird, homoerotic fashion.

The Song: Jeremy - Pearl Jam
Who Ruined It: MTV/VH1
Explanation: In the summer of '92 Pearl Jam released the only album I liked from them. Though the rest of the album wasn't too badly overplayed (though Even Flow was close) there wasn't a time where you couldn't tune into MTV and not see Eddie Vedder's scarecrow face belting out "HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! (sound of man taking dump, could be Vedder still singing)." Then see a half naked boy blow himself away in front of scared mannequins. Every.....hour.....this.....song....was....on. I was done with it by fall. Then the rest of the album by 1995.

The Song: In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
Who Ruined It: Steven (Godfather) Weilhammer
Explanation: Back when we had livers made of steel Steve and I would get a little abbreviated down at the 'ol watering hole named The Casba. The Casba was owned by a Jordidian and a Syrian that called me and Mike and everyone else in our entourage Steve in an accent that could get them ducked taped to a C-130 and transported down to Guantanemo Bay. Whenever this song came on it was pretty much at the point where Steve was feeling pretty lubed up and feeling creative. Without getting into the lyrics he sang that's just say the words: p*ssy, thighs, creamy, open, up, spread and butt cheeks were the predominant words. I can never listen to it again.

The Song: Every Single Motown Song - Every Single Motown Band
Who Ruined It: Hollywood
Explanation: In 1983, against the wishes of good taste, Hollywood unleashed The Big Chill to unsuspecting audiences everywhere. In this movie we see a bunch of drunk yuppies putting away dishes singing and dancing in unison to a motown hit, I forget which one, they destroyed like five of them in this movie. Then hollywood followed that with many more movies with many more yuppies dancing in unison to motown songs destroying virtually every single motown song I liked. Why they use motown is beyond me, maybe because of the fact that many of these movies feature very liberal white people but have absolutely NO black people anywhere in any of them. So they make themselves feel better by featuring motown artist in their movies. Kind of like, "hey, I'm down with blacks, I like their music, I support their plight, but I would never let any of them in my movies or live anywhere near me, but it's cool because I'm liberal and I say I like black people."

The Song: Just What I Needed - The Cars
Who Ruined It: Circuit City
Explanation: Really none is needed, Circuit City took a song from my childhood and has incorporated it into their sales pitch. So instead of me enjoying a song and remembering the good old days I now want to buy a Plasma TV.

The Song: Who Are You, Happy Jack, I Can See For Miles, Magic Bus - The Who
Who Ruined It: TV shows and commercials, but I'll blame Pete Townshend
Explanation: The Who was pretty much the last group I would think that would allow their songs to be licensed out to commercials and TV shows but I was wrong. Ol' Pete Townshend needs the money folks, probably to pay for future legal costs for his crippling child porn addiction.

The Song: Layla - Eric Clapton
Who Ruined It: Goodfellas - Martin Scorsesee
Explanation: I was actually sick of this song before Scorsesee decided to use it in Goodfellas, but now when I hear the song I think of a frozen Carbone hanging off a meat hook.

The Song: Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealer's Wheel
Who Ruined It: Reservoir Dogs - Quentin Tarrantino
Explanation: None needed. My ear still hurts when I hear that song.

The Song: Ring Of Fire - Johnny Cash
Who Ruined It: My wife
Explanation: To quote my wife: "This song would be great for a hemmoroid commercial." So much for that. Thankfully the Wall Of Voodoo version isn't ruined for me.

The Song: What I Got - Sublime
Who Ruined It: A party I attended during mortuary school
Explanation: During mortuary school there was an impromptu party that happened in the house I was staying with music, booze and broads. Well, during this party my roommates decided to break out the fatty boom baddy, pot. I never tried it before but I did get high off second hand smoke during my trips to MSA watching whatever concert was there. Well, trying not to be square I decided, what the hell? It did nothing for me but the rest of my roommates and guests were giggling like mad and talking like Dennis Hopper, then my roommate broke out his guitar and starting singing What I Got, badly, but not bad for being completely high. But he sang it over and over again. Then grabbed my CD and played that song. Then he threw up. He was supposed to be the first to go out to get whoever died that night, well, he was too baked. Guess who was second? That's right, me. Well, lets just say the high hit me really late and I ended up going into town to pick up a poor dead soul. The rest of the story is waaaaay to long to post. Maybe I'll post it later.

The Song: All Mixed Up - 311
Who Ruined It: Greg Cochran
Explanation: I do like 311, I don't know why. All Mixed Up WAS one of my favorite songs. When I was listening to it at IU in the spring of '97 Greg (roommate) came by and quipped: "That sounds like Snow." Shit, thanks Greg now I think of the song Informer while remembering my high school friend blasting it on his stereo while crammed in the back seat of his dying Mustang.

The Song: Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye
Who Ruined It: A tough break up
Explanation: Never listen to this song after breaking up with someone, it's pretty soul crushing. I did. While every once in a blue moon I'll spin this CD I'll be forever scarred.

The Song: Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
Who Ruined It: It should be P. Diddy or Pee D. or Puff Douch or whatever the fuck he's called but the real blame goes to Jimmy Page.
Explanation: Godzilla, that piece of shit movie from 1998 had a song and video that came with it, Kashmir by Puff Daddy featuring a very fat Jimmy Page desperately trying to remember how to play guitar. The song was basically Jimmy Page playing guitar with an orchestra in the back while P. Shitty was "rapping": "uh-huh, huh huh, uh huh, yeah, baby! Yeah, Godzilla, uh huh, yeah, huh, baby!" over what sounds like Kashmir. Ruined, completely ruined for me.

That's all I can think of. I would put Sting in there somewhere but I kind of got sick of his music before he started selling out.

I Might As Well Call This A Half Assed Rush Tribute Page

I ran into this website during my usual drunken, porn downloading Friday nights. This chronicles (Ha! Get it?) Rush oddities through the years. One of my favorite sections are the screw ups caught on tape during concerts. I actually got to witness a complete screw up in Virginia where Neil's trigger for the end of his drum solo (where he has a horn section and people dancing behind him) did not come on. So it was him playing by himself while glaring at the sound guy. Alex didn't stop laughing until the next song began. There are some other cool things like remixes, odd Rush fans, recovered fade-outs and song played live before the song was even recorded. I spent like three hours on this website, which I guess is better than explaining my crippling porn addiction to my wife. She know, she just doesn't want to talk about it. Enjoy!

Calling All Rush Geeks! Calling All Rush Geeks!

Yesterday Rush announced new tour dates for their extended Snakes and Arrows tour, or as me and my wife call it "We Want To Retire Tour." Thankfully Indianapolis is on the list! The lads will be playing here on Wednesday June 25th at Verizon. I plan to be there with my throwback Signals shirt and will probably be breaking the bank (or hopefully get extremely lucky) and get seats as close to the band as possible. The last time I saw them in 2004 we managed to get front row seats, so close we could see Geddy's neck waddle. And since my lovely wife will be 8 months pregnant at the time we will be making up a shirt saying "Future Rush Fan" with an arrow pointing down. Any of you Rush geeks in?

Note on Snakes and Arrows the album: As usual the album has really grown on me. The songs I kind of liked or I thought were mediocre I really like now such as Armor and Sword, The Larger Bowl and Good News First. I still don't like Spindrift, Faithless or The Way The Wind Blows.

Another Note: They are supposedly going to be putting out a live DVD of the Snakes and Arrows tour. Shit, how much of my money do they want?

Not Another Rush Post - Best/Worst Live Songs

I can't help myself. I was horrifically bored the other night at work and decided to see what was up with our boys from Toronto. Apparently Rush will be adding more tour dates to their Snakes and Arrows tour which will run through August of 2008. The reasons they are doing this could be because:

1) They are paying for retirement.
2) They are trying to keep up a ridiculous lifestyle that many celebrities have.
3) Are into self abuse or..
4) Are actually enjoying playing and are itching to try out new material for their next studio album.

Hopefully it's reason #4, but who knows? They haven't said where the added dates will be but one things for sure if it's anywhere near Indy (or Virginia where my bro lives) I will be there post haste with my throwback Signals shirt and my lighter. Keep your fingers crossed. Anyways, I was thinking of the best songs Rush play live, so much so that it out performs the studio version, and I was also thinking of the songs that just don't do it for me live.

"I'd Rather Listen To The Live Version" Songs

Song: The Weapon
Best Live Version: Grace Under Pressure Live
This only came after I purchased Replay X3. I really love the studio version (still do) but I would rather listen to this live version now. The DVDs come with the audio disk to the Grace Under Pressure tour. The song is great live but the best part is that it is introduced by Count Floyd, that never gets old.

Song: The Trees
Best Live Version:Exit....Stage Left
Broons Bane, Alex's little ditty, is set up like a little intro to The Trees which adds a lot to the song. I love this version a lot. I don't know who the sound engineer was for this tour but they did a bang up job.

Song: Subdivisions
Best Live Version: R30 Tour
All live versions before this were not that great, especially when you had Alex spitting out "Subdivisions" during the chorus. The R30 version is more sonic, has a great sound, and it doesn't have Alex spitting anything. When they were here for the R30 tour my lovely wife and I had front row center seats. I ran out of beer and had to refill, during that time I missed this song. I still kick myself because it sounded great.

Song: By Tor and the Snow Dog
Best Live Version: Rush In Rio
You can't help the fact that this song was made in the 70's which really adds to the cheese factor of the studio version. But the Rio version is just too good especially when you watch the video of a cartoon Alex and Geddy running around. They actually did include this song in the All The Worlds A Stage, which wasn't bad, but the Rush In Rio version is fantastic. When I saw Rush in Virgina for the R30 tour during the solo of this song a bored Alex went behind Geddy and started barking. Cracked me up.

Song: Closer To The Heart
Best Live Version: Different Stages
Even though A Show Of Hands has a great version Different Stages is definitely superior. They started doing the extended ending for the Hold Your Fire tour, which really adds a lot to the song.

Song: YYZ
Best Live Version: Rush In Rio
The Studio version is fantastic but when you have 40,000 people singing, yes singing along to an instrumental you get goose bumps.

Song: Spirit Of Radio
Best Live Version: R30 Tour
This song was made for the stage, I've never heard a bad live version. But now I have Meat Wad's (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) voice in my head when Geddy sings "Salesmen!!!!" You have to see the show to get it.

Song: The Analog Kid
Best Live Version: Different Stages
I was pleasantly surprised when Rush finally brought this little gem out. I have no idea whether or not they ever played this live before the Test For Echo tour, but I'm guessing no.

Song: Red Sector A
Best Live Version: Rush In Rio
During Rush's art rock/synth days of the 80's Alex kind of blended in and was not part of the forefront as he was throughout the 70's and early 80's. This song was testament to that. This version is so good because they pick up the tempo and Alex has more of a presence.

Song: Ghost Rider
Best Live Version: Rush In Rio
Has anybody seen the movie Ghost Rider? It sucks complete balls. What makes it worse is the fact that I'm a huge fan of the comic. Thanks Hollywood for continuously fucking up my childhood comics. And thank you Nicholas Cage for selling out so much you only have a vague recollection of Raising Arizona. Oh, and I just like this song more live.

Song: Working Man
Best Live Version: All The World's A Stage
John Rustey was the drummer for the studio version, which was not great. Neil adding his own little flare helped this a lot, to the point of me actually liking it.

Song: Between The Wheels
Best Live Version: R30 Tour
I liked the studio version, but this version was just too damn good.

Song: Xanadu
Best Live Version: Exit....Stage Left
Again, the sound engineer deserves a lot of credit for this version being so damn good.

Song: 2112
Best Live Version: Different Stages
At the time (1997) it had been 20 years since 2112 came out. To celebrate Rush played 2112 in its entirety, I'm glad they did. Even though I still listen to the studio version from time to time I just cozy up to this version better.

Song: Bravado
Best Live Version: Rush In Rio
The extended ending of the live versions help a lot, plus the song feels a lot looser than the studio version. The Different Stages version was good but I really liked Rush In Rio just for the fact that I have never seen (or heard) Rush play better.

Song: What Your Doing
Best Live Version: All The World's a Stage
My wife bought me the All The World's a Stage long sleeve T-shirt last year, which I really like (not more than Signals throwback shirt mind you). One of my friends from school saw it and remarked:

"Man, that's when I loved Rush, back when their hair was down to their asses and they were rocking out."

I couldn't argue with that.

Song: Freewill
Best Live Version: Rush In Rio
Rush really opens up when they play this song live, it's really fun to watch and listen especially this version, again the crowd brings it, swaying and chanting during the solo. Fantastic.

Maybe They Shouldn't Have Attempted This Live

Song: Show Don't Tell
Version: Different Stages
Just didn't work.

"I Just Like The Studio Version" Songs

The following songs that were played live just didn't work for one reason or another. But the biggest reason would be because of the difficulty replicating an element that was best suited for the studio.

Mystic Rhythms
Turn The Page
Time Stand Still
Force Ten (except for the R30 version, which was pretty decent).
Mission
Red Barchetta (Just because Moving Pictures was an outstanding studio album).
Tom Sawyer (Ditto)
Animate
The Pass

Why Didn't they Ever Play These Live?

These songs would seem to me that they would be kick ass live. For some unknown reason they never did, or they did and I never got to witness it.

Lock and Key
Everyday Glory
Emotion Detector
The Camera Eye (I know, it last 10 minutes).
High Water
Best I Can
The Fountain of Lamneth (just kidding)
Cut To The Chase
Digital Man

Alright, enough Rush geekdom.....

Prime Mover 10 - Top Ten Drummers of Rock

I seriously couldn't think of another Rush appreciation post that hasn't been done somewhere else. I was going to do the best Rush references of all time until I realized that Power Windows (Rush tribute page) has already done it. So, I'll just offer up my usual drunken rants on something that no sane person should give a crap about. These are the drummers that I have grown up with and I feel are the best for my generation (some before my time). They are only rock drummers because if I included jazz I would be banging my head over who should be number 1, seriously, jazz is ridiculously hard to play well. As a note to all I am an armchair drummer, entirely self-taught. My style can be best described as drunken drumming, or ADHD drumming. Not bad, but definitely not professional. Here we go (open beer)........

Banned From The List

1) Lars Ulrich - Metallica - Two words keep him from the list, Load and Reload. Two of the worst albums of rock or metal. The only band in history to make a sequel to a song (Unforgiven Too, or was it two, who gives a shit it sucked) and album (Reload after Load, get it?). Then they come out with St. Anger. After bassist and long time punching bag Jason Whatshisname left the band (good call on his part) and Metallica replaced him with a bassist who looks like he came from a holloween party dressed up like the Korn bassist, they decided to make an ill advised album which James Hetfield sounded more like Captain Caveman then James Hetfield. To make matters worse they make a documentary along with the album chronicling the fact that they are waaaaay past their prime and James Hetfield needs to lay off the booze before his liver and mullet explode. It also doesn't help that Lars was in front of congress lobbying for record companies to stop online song sharing. Before you go nuts remember, most bands get a majority of their money by touring, not records sales. Thanks Lars, now go pick up James Hetfield from rehab.

2) The chick with the rack from White Stripes - White Stripes - How anybody thinks this band is good is beyond me. I finally figured that most music critics are men and seeing Meg White jiggling her gigantic boobies like crazy while desperately trying to keep time hypnotized them from making any sort of sane, intelligent critique of the band. How else can you explain Meg's creepy brother Jack (I know they are not siblings) being ranked number 17 on the best guitarist list on Rolling Stone magazine back in 2002? A list that did not include Alex Lifeson or Eric Johnson! That was the last time I read Rolling Stone magazine by the way. She looks like my 2 year old playing trying to play drums, confused but having fun. I know, I know, nowadays it's all about style, not talent with rock music.

Honorable Mentions

1) Charlie Watt - Rolling Stones - Those of you who know me are probably doing a double take. I've been harsh on ol' dapper Charlie before (with reason) but three things came about which reversed my opinion.

a) He can play jazz. Like I said before, that ain't easy.

b) He is very well respected by almost every drummer in the business.

c) The story of him getting a call at five a.m. from a very drunk Mick Jagger. Charlie is a proper gentlemen who wasn't ever in the overindulgence of libations like the other members of Rolling Stone were. Early to bed, early to rise and dress like a proper Englishman, that's Charlie. Anyways Mick and Keith were plastered out of their skulls after a night out when they rang Charlie out of his slumber. Mick called him "his drummer" and told him there was a band meeting right now, "get your ass over here." Charlie calmly got up, put on his best suit and polished shoes and went over to Mick's hotel room. When Mick opens the door Charlie said hello then plastered him with a right hook nearly sending him out his hotel window and to his death. After a shocked Mick came to he was greeted with Charlie hovering over him yelling, "I'm not your fucking drummer, you're my fucking singer!" Charlie politely let himself out and went back to bed. I love that story, and it completely changed my opinion of him.

2)Dave Grohl - Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age, Killing Joke - I've always been a big fan of Josh Homme's music with QOTSA, Eagles of Death Metal or Kyuss. When QOTSA 2002 album Songs for the Deaf came out I was floored. The first thing I asked when I got through the first 4 songs was, "who in the hell is that drummer, and why wasn't he found sooner?" I was really surprised that it was Dave Grohl, I had no clue he could play like that. The entire album was great and the drumming was spectacular. Given that fact that Grohl can play just about any instrument gave me great respect for him. Then when Killing Joke's long awaited self titled album came out I asked the same question. "This drummer is great, who the hell is it?" Again Dave Grohl. Not only did he manage to work with Jaz Coleman (insane leader of Killing Joke) without stuffing him into a trash compactor, but he fit in quite well with Killing Joke's industrial, bombastic sound.

Best Output: Queens of the Stone Age - Songs for the Deaf, Killing Joke - Killing Joke

The Up and Comers

1) Erin Tate - Minus The Bear - I've really come to love this band. Mixing prog rock, emo (or emu), alternative, new wave, electronica, and the current thing going on, this band has really impressed me. Erin is great at off beat, odd time signature rock. Great Drummer with great skill.

Best Ouput: Planet of Ice, Menos el Oso

2) Zundel Tkotch - World/Inferno Friendship Society - Great band out of Brooklyn, NY. They have actually been around for a while boasting a rotating musician cast of over 30 people. Very imaginative band mixing ska, punk, swing, jazz and something else I seriously can't put my finger on, which is why my Ipod list them as "unclassifiable". I have heard that they are great live, but they would never come near Indianapolis so I will never know. I'm not sure if Zundel is their original drummer, I'm guessing not, but he was unbelievable on their live album from 2003.

Best Output: Hallowmas Live at Northsix

3) Sammy J. Watson - Apex Theory - The only non-Armenian in an all Armenian band. Just ridiculous with the time signatures. Good style, great licks, does not rush like some drummers naturally do. Great drummer with a great band. I almost put him in the top ten but he has really made only one album. Apex Theory's (sans original lead singer) latest output was a very disappointing 15 minute song that they put on Itunes. So the future of the band looks pretty crappy.

Best Output: Topsy Turvey

The Top Ten

10) Mike Portnoy - Dream Theatre - Might as well start out the list strong, Portnoy and the boys hail from Berkeley out in California where they had dreams of kick ass, ridiculously complex tunes lasting longer than 10 minutes. Portnoy has some great chops which I have actually never seen live until I got HD tv and they showed them live from Japan (where they are freakin huge) on one of the HD channels. Portnoy is not only freakishly talented he does most of the crowd baiting and cheering, which means he basically drums standing up. This is so because the rest of the band is about as dull as fence posts. He has retooled his set time and time again so every now and then when I look him up he's got something else going on.

Best Output: Awake, Falling into Infinity, Images and Words

9) Matt Cameron - Soundgarden, Those pinko commies Pearl Jam (Hi John!) - Matt's style, sound and skill has always impressed me. I was pretty disappointed he didn't let loose on Geddy Lee's solo album My Favorite Headache.

Best Output (all with Soundgarden) - Badmotorfinger, Superunknown

8)Danny Carey - Tool - This band is completely fucked up. Fucked up lyrics, fucked up album covers, fucked up lead singer, you get the idea. But I really genuinely like their music even though I feel like taking a shower after listening to them. Danny Carey is a damn good drummer and dare I say underrated. I was blown away by the drumming in AEnima.

Best Ouput: AEnima, Laterlus, Undertow

7) Will Calhoun - Living Colour - Damn fine drummer in damn fine band. Has this thing where he will play 3/4 time and 4/4 time simultaneously. Let me say I've tried a million times to do it and I can't even come close. He is often overshadowed by Corey Glover and Vernon Reid. He deserves major credit (I will never say props) for the drumming he has done over the years.

Best Output: All Living Colour albums except Callidiscope

6) Tim "Herb" Alexander - Primus - In an interview with Modern Drummer he said that in high school he was a huge Rush snob. He would only listen to Rush and come home everyday after school and air drum to Rush tunes for hours. Tim and I have that in common, except now he is a successful, well-respected musician boasting a catalogue of music and I'm a 32 year old alcoholic with a dead end job that still comes home everyday and air drums to Rush. Oh well. I was pretty disappointed when he left Primus because 1) Primus sucked after that and 2) He disappeared. I literally had to go looking for him in other bands to see what the hell he was up to. Great drummer that I got to see live when Primus opened for Rush in 1993 (you remember that John-O). Very inventive and managed to complement Les Claypool, something that other drummers have failed to do.

5) Stewart Copeland - The Police, Animal Logic, Klark Kent - Completely sentimental drummer of mine because he was one of the first drummers I used to hit pots and pans while listening to The Police back in the 80's. Has the distinction of actually being a well rounded musician. Wrote soundtracks to a couple of movies, unfortunately Highlander II was one of them. Uses a traditional grip and has the smallest drum set (5 piece) compared to every other drummer on this list, at least in the early days of The Police he did. Very fast drummer, continuously pushed Sting to make Police songs faster. He has a weird mesh of punk, jazz and rock drum styles that works really well. Also managed to not kill Sting for the years he worked with him.

Best Output: All Police albums, Animal Logic II

4) Carl Palmer - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - The least egotistical of the trio this drummer rounded out a ridiculously talented band that started in the late 60's and finally disbanded in the mid 80's. They regrouped for Black Moon in 1992, even though the album was definitely the worst output of ELP it did spawn a live album in 1993 that was very decent. Very fast and very technical drummer as evident in many ELP songs. He is a classicaly trained musician that moved into rock at 19 and then had a hand at starting progressive rock (which is what influenced Rush). Great drum solos, I got to see him in 1992 and I was completely amazed at how fast his hands and feet were, and he was in his mid forties at the time. He still does events and is very well respected in the drumming world.

Best Output: All Emerson Lake and Palmer albums excluding Black Moon and In The Hot Seat (which he admitted sucked complete ass).

3) John Bohnam - Led Zeppelin - Bonzo was one of the best and drunkest drummers of all time. His sticks were tree trunks, his toms were see through and his cymbals rang for weeks. His skill was unbelievable, not only was he thundering and loud he was also very technical and fast. Jon Paul Jones (the bassist of Zep) often cites Bohnam as the best drummer he's ever seen. His skills diminished greatly as his boozing went along as evident after seeing the 1980 concert at Wembley stadium. He died shortly after. He was definitely one of the best.

Best Output: All Zeppelin albums except In Through The Out Door

2) Neil Peart - Rush - The professor at the drum kit. The man behind my favourite band of all time. I really marvel at the fact that he's been doing this consistently for over 30 years now. When I saw him at the Vapor Trails tour in 2002 I thought he was playing better than he had in years, and I just sat back and marveled at his skill and the fact that he was 49 years old and still kicking the shit out of the drums. I know some people call Rush "drum solo with a complement" (I call them assholes) but they are the best musicians around (alive) today in rock. I hope they continue on after Snakes and Arrows, but if not, oh well.

Best Output: All with Neil

1) Keith Moon - The Who - Often cited as the best drummer of all time. If there was ever a title called lead drums he would be it. When I first heard him (Who's Next album) I immediately wanted to pick up a pair of stick. He played so fast and hard. He gave it his all every night. He was also completely nuts destroying countless hotel rooms and wreaking havoc with his next door neighbors. Moon will always be my favourite over Neil (I know, sacrilege) just because he was the first drummer I ever idolized.

Best Output: All Who albums except Who Are You

Rush Geek Week Part II

Ahh, this is fun, for me anyways. Lets keep this crappy idea of mine going.


Ranking The Rush Live Albums

Not on this list: Grace Under Pressure (1984) - Technically never released as a tour album until Replay X3 (2006). But it does have a great version of The Weapon.


6) All The Worlds A Stage (1976) - 2112 Tour



The first live album by Rush, and it kind of showed. Neil had to take off his bass drum heads in order to get mikes near them and there was an excessive amounts of feedback. Some good tunes though.


5) A Show Of Hands (1989) - Hold Your Fire Tour


This is ranked kind of low due to crappy sound transfer to the video. Also, Subdivisions was pretty weak. This does introduce the longer version of Closer To The Heart and has a strong drum solo.



4) Different Stages (1998) - Test For Echo Tour

Nice two-disc deal which included 2112 in it's entirety. Gets points off for the drumming. During this time Neil screwed around with his drumming style using a traditional grip, ditching his double bass and condensing his kit a tad.

3) R30 (2006) - 30th Anniversary Tour

Got to see this tour twice. Actually witnessed the first major fuck up of a Rush show, Neil's triggers kept fucking up resulting in numerous glares at his engineer and Alex constantly cracking up. The next time I saw them (in Indy) I got front row center tickets, so close I could see Geddy's neck waddle and it was freakin' awesome. Great live album, Subdivisions is spectacular as is Between The Wheels.



2) Exit.....Stage Right (1981) - Moving Pictures Tour

I always have a soft spot for this one. The sound is awesome, the drum solo is great. The Trees and La Villa Strangiato stand out on this one.



1) Rush In Rio (2003) - Vapor Trails Tour

Easily my favourite live album just because of how loose the guys were. The drumming was great as was the drum solo, and the crowd (over 60,000 strong) was raucous. They actually sang along to an instrumental. I also have sentimental reasons for loving this tour and live album. This was me and my future wife's first Rush concert. We have been dating maybe a month. After the show she asked me,


"Is he (Neil) the best drummer ever?"


I knew it was meant to be.

Prime Mover 10 - Best Rock Albums

Before I get started I should really point out that music is very, VERY subjective. One man's favourite cd is another man's drink coaster. Given the fact that I have very eccentric tastes in music (or sucky taste, whichever) this list really reflects an era past types like: Stones, Beatles, basically past the sixties. I didn't involve them because 1) I'm not a big fan of the Stones or Beatles and 2) I'm sick of seeing Stones and the Beatles on every fucking list. Besides, this is my list. These are the albums which I have worn out due to listening way too much.

10) Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin IV (1971) - Thundering drums, cymbals that ring for a week, a song about a lady buying a stairway to heaven, guitars, another song inspired by Lord of the Rings. All in all Led Zeppelin's best output. When the Levee Breaks was an eerie precursor to the recent Red Sox swoon. What did you think I was going to reference? Katrina?

9) Living Colour - Vivid (1988) - When I finally got cable at the tender age of fourteen I turned to MTV and found four black gentlemen not rapping, but cranking out a great rock tune. Cult of Personality is still one of my favourite songs of all time and Living Colour (even though 2004's Callidiscope sucked balls) never made a bad album in their short tenure. They were (are) extremely talented, and even though Vernon Reid has turned psycho liberal, he's still one of the best guitarists out there.

8) The Cars - The Cars (1978) - First album of The Cars which had a shitload of hits: Good Times Roll, Bye Bye Love, Moving in Stereo, Just What I Needed. They had great albums after but this one stood out.

7) Dream Theatre - Awake (1994) - One album reviewer of Modern Drummer wrote of this album "a record Rush wished they recorded." Not only did he receive roughly 20 million hate letters he was also promptly fired, at least he should have been anyways. But it does not dimish the fact that this is a great album. Basically a band for nerds the fivesome of Dream Theatre are extrodinarily talented, so much so that most musicians in rock pretend they don't exist. Even though the drummer is the showman of the group (which is why he basically drums standing up) and the rest of the crew are as excitable on stage as Ben Stein, they are still unbelievable.

6) Genesis - Abacab (1981) - Before Phil Collins became bald, untalented and started writing shitacular crap rock he did have a hand in this one. This album basically is the album before Genesis started cashing in, so to speak.

5) Hum - You'd Prefer An Astronaut (1995) - Stars is a great rock song. The album is heavy and deep, and the band look like a bunch of physic majors.

4) The Police - Regatta De Blanc (1979) - Before Sting became, well, Sting, he did have an great band whos members wanted to pound him in the head with a tire iron when he was asleep. Prententious, a-hole, sell-out, but he did write some great songs.

3) VanHalen - 1984 (1984) - I know that the preceding albums were a little better but this was the album that introduced me to Van Halen. Hot For Teacher is a song I could never even think about playing on drums and Jump is a great rock song.

2) Yes - 90125 (1983) - I can hear the groans already. This is an album which I have worn the treads off 10 times over. Nearly all of the songs, except the last one, are great.

1) Rush - Moving Pictures (1981) - Don't have to explain this one.

Confessions Of A Rush Fan: A Review Of Snakes and Arrows

I've been a Rush fan since I was 8 years old. On the way to South Bend, Indiana to visit my grandparents my brother put in New World Man from the album Signals, I was very intrigued. Then I found Moving Pictures in my brother's stash and found Tom Sawyer, Rush was instantly my favourite band at the tender age of 9. To me Rush has never made a mediocre album since their debut in 1974 and has been a constant source of enjoyment, enlightenment and influence.

I was giddy as hell when I hear Snakes and Arrows was coming out this year. I have been starved for some new music. Really nothing has piqued my interest since Minus the Bear and Thievery Corporation as far as new music, so I was salivating for some good tunes, especially from my favourite band of all time. Then it came out. I made a bee line to the nearest music store and snagged up Snakes and Arrows. I already was impressed with Far Cry, their first single. I was expecting the typical Rush fair. Then I put it in. I wasn't impressed. No problem, I'll just give it a couple of weeks, after all, I didn't like Test for Echo and after a while and it grew on me. Snakes continued to dissapoint. For the first time Rush made a mediocre album. Musically it wasn't that bad, a couple of hits and misses, but it was the lyrics that really dissapointed me. Neil sounded like he was whining. Just like Sting after Zeyotta Mendotta (The Police), he was whining, it kind of sucked. He railed on Christianity (in interviews) and ignored Muslim extremists, like all of Europe and far, far left liberals here in the states. Seriously, both extremes are dangerous, why not address it? Oh well. I'll go song by song

1) Far Cry - Damn good song, really gets me going, especially during workouts.

2) Armor and Sword - Goes on too long, repeats the same line too much which really drags down the song. Probably should have stopped at the 4 minute mark. Did have the best lyric of the album, "Nobody gets into heaven without a fight" which was repeated way too fucking much.

3) Workin' Them Angels - Third best song of the album. Good tune.

4) The Larger Bowl - Ehh, alright. Kinda folky for my taste.

5) Spindrift - Started out great, then kind of lost its way, turned bad.

6) The Main Monkey Business - Now this is Rush, great instrumental. Probably one of the best.

7) The Way The Wind Blows - It blows sucky. Didn't like this song at all. Blues to rock, back to blues, and also has the whiniest lyrics of the album.

8) Hope - Ehhh, not that great.

9) Faithless - Same as Hope. Not that great.

10) Bravest Face - Ok tune, probably the best lyrics of the album. But it's kind of a downer, makes me want to drank, like now.

11) Good News First - Good music, again whiny lyrics.

12) Malignant Narcissicm - title based on one of my favourite films of all time, Team America (a line from the movie is repeated in the song). Song was made well after recording was done. Geddy was screwing around and Neil and the producer were in the room and decided to make this a last minute addition. Good thing they did, it kicks ass.

13) We Hold On - Rush has always closed out an album with a good tune, Mystic Rythms, High Water, Carve the Stone, Out of the Cradle, Between The Wheels (especially!), all great songs at the end of Rush albums, this is no different.

Album Review: 2 out of 4. Still a good album, but kind of dissapointing.

Best Songs of the Eighties

I was inspired to write this little gem after seeing Stephen King's greatests songs of all time list. As everyone noticed there were absolutely no songs past 1989 on the list which generated a ton of criticism from some music critics and internet basement nerds. I was inspired to do one better than ol' Uncle Stephen, list the best songs of the eighties. Nothing said crappily good more than the eighties; the hairstyles, the commercialism, the big, bad ass synthesizers; the waaaay too big drumset; the style; the drugs; the sitcoms. So I made this list keeping in mind to leave out any indie rock (Husker Du, REM, New Order, etc.). The one thing about Stephen King we should make note of is that he's from Maine, which makes him an insufferable Red Sox/Patriots fan. In other words drunk with success and kind of off his nut, like the rest of that area. Enjoy!

20) Mr. Mister - Broken Wings - Not only did Mr. Mister come up with the worst band name of all
time, they even managed to make an unbelievably cheesy 80's tune you could awkwardly dance
with your pre-teen sweety with. Mind you I was pre-teen also.

19) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger - Theme song for Rocky III, which was basically the beginning of
the end for good Sylvester Stallone films.

18) Dixie's Midnight Runners - Come on Eileen - Before Kevin Rowland discovered women's
clothing and fistfuls of coke he did write this gem. We should have
known something was up with him when he fired the drummer midway through the shooting of the video. I
believe that was a first.

17) Blondie - Call Me - Seen Deborah Harry lately? Father time really took a baseball bat to her.

16) Eddie Grant - Electric Avenue - I had no idea it was a protest song and neither did
anyone else including all the grown ups around me. Maybe Eddie should have done
more interviews.

15) Spandau Ballet - True - I actually really do like this song, no I don't think that's gay.

14) B-52's - Rock Lobster - mixing surf music with indie music being sung by an openly
gay man with two women looking like they were catapaulted out of 50's, no small feat.
What's a Rock Lobster? Who cares, it's a rocking little tune.

13) Culture Club - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? - I don't think anybody realized she was a he
until they became unpopular, around 1987.

12) Frakie Goes to Hollywood - Relax - Made a top 10 song about gay sex. Good for
him, I think.

11) Big Country - Big Country - god rest Stuart Adamson soul
for not only coming up with a top ten hit Big Country, but also
naming his band Big Country. I think he named his kids Big and
Country.

10) Van Halen - Jump - made the video for $500.
I do like the red rocker but long live Diamond Dave!

9) Wang Chung - Wang Chung - What the hell is Wang
Chung? Doesn't matter, it's the 80's.

8) Tom Sawyer - Rush - Hey, I'm a Rush fan, got to
plug them somewhere in here.

7) Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads - made clothes
that are waaaaaay too big for you fashionable, which
made life hell for a teenager with a sex drive of a
rhino.

6) Just Like Heaven - The Cure - you gotta love the
Cure, made putting on makeup fashionable and fun for
guys. I know Bauhaus did it , but they were just
creepy.

5) Pat Benetar - Love is a Battlefield - She couldn't
dance a lick but we loved her anyways. Seen her lately?
The opposite of Deborah Harry, smokin' hot.

4) Rio - Duran Duran - I just loved it on South Park
where Santa couldn't remember anymore Santa tunes to
sing and started belting out this one.

3) Katrina and the Suns - Walking on Sunshine - it was
so cheery and cool at the same time. She made me think
I was cool for wearing red converse high tops. All it did was
make me look like a big, fat kid with red shoes.

2) Any Chicago ballad - made we want a girlfriend at
the tender age of 11, and I didn't know why.

1) Starship - We Built this City - The ultimate 80's song. An unbelievably
crappy tune but I love it anyways. Grace Slick was
probably the first of the 60's and 70's rockers (CSNY,
Dillon, The Who, Beatles, Eagles, etc.) to realize
that she could
1) get a boatload of money by making
crappy music.
2) completely and utterly sell out her
soul and not give a crap (Sting anyone?).
3) pile together every 80's song cliche' into one compact
single and......
4) go on tour and jack up admissions in
order to preserve a higher end lifestyle and have
enough money left over for rehab and plastic surgery.
And I say, god bless her for it.

There are plenty others to list, but that's all I can think of right now.

Time for a beer, or three.......