Here we go. Again this is my list. F-off off if you don't like 'em. I'm trying to cut down on cussing for my new years resolution.
10) Hot Fuzz
9) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie
8) Snatch
7) Beerfest
6) No Country For Old Men
5) Sin City
4) Touching the Void
3) Layer Cake
2) 24 Hour Party People
1) Shaun of the Dead
There you go. No liberal b/s message. No self important pretentious b/s. No stupid Vice President jokes. No environmental beat-you-in-the-brain-you-should-be-mindful-of-mother-earth-while-flying-around-in-a-private-jet-and-making-movies-that-leave-carbon-footprints-larger-than-10million suv's-bullcrap. Just straight up beer-me entertainment.
Ahh, much better.
Showing posts with label Stupid Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stupid Lists. Show all posts
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The Best Albums Of The Aughts
Goodbye aughts, hello roaring teens. Or depression teens, depending on who you talk to. Well, had a good decade, got engaged, then broke it off, became a funeral director, sold caskets, got burned out, then laid off. Had a couple of very awkward relationships with the opposite sex. Told a girl that kissing her made me throw up. Got drunk a lot, then sobered up, then got drunk a lot again, then sobered up again. Lost a lot of weight, met my current wife on the internets, got engaged again, got married, gained all the weight back. Saw Europe, bought a shitty house where two swift kicks to the wall will take you outside the house, had a kid. Got bone crippling depression from a job I despised, went back to school, got another degree, found a great job. Had another kid, then another, hopefully not another anytime soon (we're running out of names). So there you go, my decade in a nutshell.
But the thing I'll remember most about the decade is the albums, those awesome albums that got me through decade of "shock and awe" and "hopey, changey." Now, this is my list, alright? So make your own and post it and leave me alone. I know they suck, I have shitty taste in music.
10) Bouncing Souls - How I Spent My Summer Vacation (2001) - Now, this album is pretty much your standard poppy punk album, but what stands out are all the memories of that awesome year of 2001 that are associated with it. Seriously, it was a good year.
9) Dethklok - The Dethalbum (2008) - They aren't really technically a band but damn is it good. Melodic death metal. Lost Vikings is about a group of Vikings riding to battle then become lost, then are too stubborn to stop and ask directions. Funny and rocking.
8) Face to Face - How To Ruin Everything (2002) - The last album from one of my favorite bands.
7) Massive Attack - 100th Window (2003, I think) - Very haunting, melodic piece of electronica.
6) Minus The Bear - Menos el Oso (2005) - Yes, it's just Minus the Bear in mexican, or some sort of spanish. One of the few new bands that surprised me and made a great album.
5) Radio 4 - The New Song And Dance (2000) - The first album I ever bought on the internets. Sounds a lot like The Clash, yes I know, but it's still damn good.
4) The Suicide Machines - The Suicide Machines (2000) - The happily go lucky young men turned angry young men. Getting swept up in a "revolution" will do that I guess. But hey, I actually played one of their songs at my wedding.
3) Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures (2009) - Yes, I like this album that much.
2) The Underworld - A Hundred Days Off (2002) - An album that I have not really put down since I bought. Great combo of electronica and hypnotic melodies. Or whatever.
1 b) Queens of the Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf (2002) - Awesome, great, spectacular, another superlative! Josh Homme caught something special and unleashed it on us.
1a) Rush - Vapor Trails (2002) - Seriously, great album. When I first heard One Little Victory on the internets I got a chubby. Seriously, I did. But it's basically Neil Peart bearing his tormented soul to the nerds, and we all listened, and bought the shirt.
But the thing I'll remember most about the decade is the albums, those awesome albums that got me through decade of "shock and awe" and "hopey, changey." Now, this is my list, alright? So make your own and post it and leave me alone. I know they suck, I have shitty taste in music.
10) Bouncing Souls - How I Spent My Summer Vacation (2001) - Now, this album is pretty much your standard poppy punk album, but what stands out are all the memories of that awesome year of 2001 that are associated with it. Seriously, it was a good year.
9) Dethklok - The Dethalbum (2008) - They aren't really technically a band but damn is it good. Melodic death metal. Lost Vikings is about a group of Vikings riding to battle then become lost, then are too stubborn to stop and ask directions. Funny and rocking.
8) Face to Face - How To Ruin Everything (2002) - The last album from one of my favorite bands.
7) Massive Attack - 100th Window (2003, I think) - Very haunting, melodic piece of electronica.
6) Minus The Bear - Menos el Oso (2005) - Yes, it's just Minus the Bear in mexican, or some sort of spanish. One of the few new bands that surprised me and made a great album.
5) Radio 4 - The New Song And Dance (2000) - The first album I ever bought on the internets. Sounds a lot like The Clash, yes I know, but it's still damn good.
4) The Suicide Machines - The Suicide Machines (2000) - The happily go lucky young men turned angry young men. Getting swept up in a "revolution" will do that I guess. But hey, I actually played one of their songs at my wedding.
3) Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures (2009) - Yes, I like this album that much.
2) The Underworld - A Hundred Days Off (2002) - An album that I have not really put down since I bought. Great combo of electronica and hypnotic melodies. Or whatever.
1 b) Queens of the Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf (2002) - Awesome, great, spectacular, another superlative! Josh Homme caught something special and unleashed it on us.
1a) Rush - Vapor Trails (2002) - Seriously, great album. When I first heard One Little Victory on the internets I got a chubby. Seriously, I did. But it's basically Neil Peart bearing his tormented soul to the nerds, and we all listened, and bought the shirt.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Songs Over 10 Minutes That Actually Keep My Attention
I grew up on Atari, junk food, Star Wars and Men At Work, so, as an adult it's pretty amazing if anything keeps my attention for longer than 4 minutes. My job is perfect for me because I have to continuously shuffle between rooms to make sure no one is dying and if someone is dying, trust me, your attention span grows. But I thought I would venture away from politics (I noticed that John-O has nixed me from the Blog-O-Sphere, c'est la vie) and list some songs that last a long goddamn time that I can listen to over and over again.
10) Castilian Drums (14:22) - Dave Brubeck - I don't mention jazz much because I only listen to it when I'm either drunk, depressed, trying to impress a chick or all three. But this song by the piano master Dave Brubeck is essentially a drum solo by Tom Morello. And man, it is great. I almost rank this higher than any Neil Peart drum solos only because this bastard took place in '64, when bitchin' drum solos were rare (except for maybe Count Basie's "Tan Your Hide") but I checked myself, lest I wrecked myself. Or what the fuck ever.
9) Scared (10:41) - Dream Theater - You knew they were going to show up on this list at some point. While there were other songs in consideration I have always enjoyed this bastard.
8) In-da-gatta-da-vida (17 goddamn minutes long)- Iron Butterfly - I always choose this at the jukebox because it's more bang for your buck, plus it's fun to watch people go insane (especially young uns) who don't know the song and don't realize that it last for fucking ever. Of course, there's a drum solo. First heard this in 10th grade and thought it was bitchin'.
7) Karn Evil 9 (29:41) - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - This isn't music, it's endurance. While it's packaged as separate songs it's meant as one long rock opera. It was so long they had to bust it up on two different sides.
6) Domino (10:45) - Genesis - Kinda dorky now but It's still one of my favorites, when Phil Collins had talent and hair.
5) Autumn Leaves (10:59) - Miles Davis - Again with the jazz, but Miles Davis (may he rest in peace) wrote some of the best tunes tunes of all time. He may have hated whitey but man did he love making kick ass jazz tunes. This one is one of my faves to relax and smoke a stogie to. Even though it's been a long time since I've done that. There were other tunes to consider that lasted over 10 minutes (My Funny Valentine, All Blues) but this one I like just a smidgen over the others.
4) Trainspotting (10:35) - Primal Scream - As the title indicates it's from Trainspotting soundtrack. While sober it's not much but drunk (and...ahem...high) it's pretty fun to listen to.
3) The Camera Eye (10:59) - Rush - Let's get this one out of the way.
2) Dark & Long (Dark Train) (10:53) - Underworld - Also used in Trainspotting (the dead baby falling from ceiling/coming down from heroine sequence) but this always reminds me of Ireland when I visited, but the trip lasted forever and I needed long songs for my then limited spaced Mp3 player.
1) Take a Pebble (12:49) - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Almost cheating because in the middle of this song is a long hoedown but man, I do love the piano.
10) Castilian Drums (14:22) - Dave Brubeck - I don't mention jazz much because I only listen to it when I'm either drunk, depressed, trying to impress a chick or all three. But this song by the piano master Dave Brubeck is essentially a drum solo by Tom Morello. And man, it is great. I almost rank this higher than any Neil Peart drum solos only because this bastard took place in '64, when bitchin' drum solos were rare (except for maybe Count Basie's "Tan Your Hide") but I checked myself, lest I wrecked myself. Or what the fuck ever.
9) Scared (10:41) - Dream Theater - You knew they were going to show up on this list at some point. While there were other songs in consideration I have always enjoyed this bastard.
8) In-da-gatta-da-vida (17 goddamn minutes long)- Iron Butterfly - I always choose this at the jukebox because it's more bang for your buck, plus it's fun to watch people go insane (especially young uns) who don't know the song and don't realize that it last for fucking ever. Of course, there's a drum solo. First heard this in 10th grade and thought it was bitchin'.
7) Karn Evil 9 (29:41) - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - This isn't music, it's endurance. While it's packaged as separate songs it's meant as one long rock opera. It was so long they had to bust it up on two different sides.
6) Domino (10:45) - Genesis - Kinda dorky now but It's still one of my favorites, when Phil Collins had talent and hair.
5) Autumn Leaves (10:59) - Miles Davis - Again with the jazz, but Miles Davis (may he rest in peace) wrote some of the best tunes tunes of all time. He may have hated whitey but man did he love making kick ass jazz tunes. This one is one of my faves to relax and smoke a stogie to. Even though it's been a long time since I've done that. There were other tunes to consider that lasted over 10 minutes (My Funny Valentine, All Blues) but this one I like just a smidgen over the others.
4) Trainspotting (10:35) - Primal Scream - As the title indicates it's from Trainspotting soundtrack. While sober it's not much but drunk (and...ahem...high) it's pretty fun to listen to.
3) The Camera Eye (10:59) - Rush - Let's get this one out of the way.
2) Dark & Long (Dark Train) (10:53) - Underworld - Also used in Trainspotting (the dead baby falling from ceiling/coming down from heroine sequence) but this always reminds me of Ireland when I visited, but the trip lasted forever and I needed long songs for my then limited spaced Mp3 player.
1) Take a Pebble (12:49) - Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Almost cheating because in the middle of this song is a long hoedown but man, I do love the piano.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
My Top 10 Favorite Guitarists Of All Time
Before I began I would like to explain that this won't be the conventional top guitarists of all time list. You won't see the usual suspects like Jeff Beck, Clapton, Hendricks, Vaughn or anyone like that. These are the guitarists I've always enjoyed over the years that I feel are overlooked. Maybe because they weren't active in the 60's and 70's, maybe because they were over shadowed by their band mates, or maybe because they actually suck. Anyways....
10) Johnny Marr - The Smiths, Johnny Marr and the Healers - The Smiths are one of those bands where the band mates hated each other immensely but still managed to crank out great tunes. Things were so bad between Morrissey and Marr (hell Morrissey hates everyone but himself) that they broke up right after recording their last album, Strangeways Here We Come. Marr's guitar always stood out, even more than Morrissey's vocals.
9) Josh Homme - Queens of the Stone Age - I've touched on QOTSA before, Homme, I think, is a great guitarist, his extended live jams are great. Sure he hits the bong and pills and booze more than he really should, but he's still tops in my book.
8) David Gilmour - Pink Floyd - I really didn't get into Floyd until Division Bell, blasphemy I know, but Gilmour's guitar is expressive and smooth, just like me baby. (awkward silence).
7) Vernon Reid - Living Colour - Just shreds the guitar. Very talented and very egotistical. Aren't they all? I was sold after hearing Cult of Personality.
6) J. Mascis - Dinosaur, Jr. - Complete freak of nature in terms of talent and appearance. I once heard a bootleg tape of J. completely drunk off his ass go on stage for open mic night at a trendy bar somewhere on the east coast and basically play 5 new songs right on the spot on the acoustic guitar. I kept thinking this was bullshit but apparently it happened that way. Good to see Dinosaur, Jr. come back with new material this year.
5) Pete Townsend - The Who - The brains behind The Who that, until recently, was always looked over as a great guitarist. His acoustic prowess is what impresses me more than anything. I still get goose bumps when I hear the opening of Pinball Wizard. Of course, I also get goose bumps when Is There Something I Should Know by Duran Duran comes on.
4) Eric Johnson - Solo - Just an unbelievably talented guitarist. He came on the scene in Texas at the tender age of 15 hot licking blues around the Austin bar scene. He never really hit the big time and really never became a household name just because his music is really an acquired taste, and a lot of people don't like that taste, including all of my girlfriends. I have to credit 92.3 for turning me on to Eric, they played Cliffs Of Dover non stop waaaay back in 1990.
3) Alex Lifeson - Rush - I always find it weird Lifeson never gets any...um...props (fuck I hate that word), but he doesn't. Spirit of Radio is one hell of a lick and before Rush started introducing moogs to their repertoire Alex was the one leading the band. I personally think he's talented as hell but since Rolling Stone or the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame doesn't (pretty much the same thing) I guess I'm wrong.
2) Bob Mould - Husker Du/Sugar - Probably the loudest guitar I've ever heard and he's talented as hell. Divide and Conquer is a great tune.
1) Andy Summers - The Police - He couldn't write any songs worth a damn but he is a great guitarist in my book. Sting and Stewart Copeland were the ones getting all the accolades, well Sting really, but Andy always seemed to be left in the cold. I like his style and he is the first guitarist I ever liked. Sting pretty much was a douche to him his entire career.
Classic Guitarist I Actually Like
Jimi Hendrick
Jimmy Paige
Eric Clapton - with Cream only, not big on his solo stuff
Duane Allman
Jon Petrucci
10) Johnny Marr - The Smiths, Johnny Marr and the Healers - The Smiths are one of those bands where the band mates hated each other immensely but still managed to crank out great tunes. Things were so bad between Morrissey and Marr (hell Morrissey hates everyone but himself) that they broke up right after recording their last album, Strangeways Here We Come. Marr's guitar always stood out, even more than Morrissey's vocals.
9) Josh Homme - Queens of the Stone Age - I've touched on QOTSA before, Homme, I think, is a great guitarist, his extended live jams are great. Sure he hits the bong and pills and booze more than he really should, but he's still tops in my book.
8) David Gilmour - Pink Floyd - I really didn't get into Floyd until Division Bell, blasphemy I know, but Gilmour's guitar is expressive and smooth, just like me baby. (awkward silence).
7) Vernon Reid - Living Colour - Just shreds the guitar. Very talented and very egotistical. Aren't they all? I was sold after hearing Cult of Personality.
6) J. Mascis - Dinosaur, Jr. - Complete freak of nature in terms of talent and appearance. I once heard a bootleg tape of J. completely drunk off his ass go on stage for open mic night at a trendy bar somewhere on the east coast and basically play 5 new songs right on the spot on the acoustic guitar. I kept thinking this was bullshit but apparently it happened that way. Good to see Dinosaur, Jr. come back with new material this year.
5) Pete Townsend - The Who - The brains behind The Who that, until recently, was always looked over as a great guitarist. His acoustic prowess is what impresses me more than anything. I still get goose bumps when I hear the opening of Pinball Wizard. Of course, I also get goose bumps when Is There Something I Should Know by Duran Duran comes on.
4) Eric Johnson - Solo - Just an unbelievably talented guitarist. He came on the scene in Texas at the tender age of 15 hot licking blues around the Austin bar scene. He never really hit the big time and really never became a household name just because his music is really an acquired taste, and a lot of people don't like that taste, including all of my girlfriends. I have to credit 92.3 for turning me on to Eric, they played Cliffs Of Dover non stop waaaay back in 1990.
3) Alex Lifeson - Rush - I always find it weird Lifeson never gets any...um...props (fuck I hate that word), but he doesn't. Spirit of Radio is one hell of a lick and before Rush started introducing moogs to their repertoire Alex was the one leading the band. I personally think he's talented as hell but since Rolling Stone or the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame doesn't (pretty much the same thing) I guess I'm wrong.
2) Bob Mould - Husker Du/Sugar - Probably the loudest guitar I've ever heard and he's talented as hell. Divide and Conquer is a great tune.
1) Andy Summers - The Police - He couldn't write any songs worth a damn but he is a great guitarist in my book. Sting and Stewart Copeland were the ones getting all the accolades, well Sting really, but Andy always seemed to be left in the cold. I like his style and he is the first guitarist I ever liked. Sting pretty much was a douche to him his entire career.
Classic Guitarist I Actually Like
Jimi Hendrick
Jimmy Paige
Eric Clapton - with Cream only, not big on his solo stuff
Duane Allman
Jon Petrucci
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Movies I Was Pleasantly Surprised With
There are some movies that I really just don't want to see, I have no interest, they look really lame, or they star director/writers/actors that I don't care for. The following movies are the ones I was pleasantly surprised with.
Rules of Attraction (2002)
Why I Didn't want to see it: After seeing American Psycho I immediatley wanted to take a shower, then I was afraid that Patrick Bateman would storm into my bathroom and fillet me like a hooker. I didn't take a shower for a couple of days. I put two and two together and realized the same author who wrote American Psycho wrote Rules of Attraction starring James Van Der Beek (Don't have the effort to look up the correct spelling of his name) which is another reason I didn't want to see it.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: The acting of the cast including Sean Bateman (there, I'll just use his character name)was top notch. I was pretty shocked that the same lame ass that starred in Dawson's Creek where he stares across a creek for hours on end wondering if he should have pulled out did a bang up job as a self absorbed trust fund drunk/druggie a-hole. Not only that, there is something about watching rich people self destruct, it's hypnotizing. The script was also great, I was amused by the little one liners thrown about. Not only that it's one of those movies where the auxillary characters (Richard, I mean Dick) are pretty amusing and/or scary as hell.
Funny Note: Fred Savage's brother plays a junkie a little toooo well.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Naw, but still pretty good.
Eastern Promises (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I promised myself after sitting through Return of the King that I would never see another Viggo Mortensen movie ever again. The guy is so method it's creepy, I wonder if he went home after shooting was done to hump his sword. But after he started tea bagging the U.N. and using simplistic slogans for complex world issues like: "No blood for oil" I really started getting annoyed with him.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: He was the second best thing in the movie. His acting was phenominal (Oscar nod anyone? Did he get one? I didn't watch the Oscars too intently this year) and I was even able to keep down the 10 beers I consumed during the bath house knife fight scene (he was buck naked with his wee wee flopping around like a wind sock). But the movie centered around something near and dear to my heart, the mob. I know the mob sucks and they are scum but man are they interesting (See: Henry Hill, Lefty Rosenthal). But he portrays a Russian mobster, IN LONDON. So all my bases were covered, takes place in London (big british film fan), about mobsters (tight!), Russian mobsters (tighter!), great script (euphoria!), great directing (I need a cigarette).
Funny Note: John-O's review of the movie actually got me to see it. Though I don't think this country sucks, too bad.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Absolutely.
Clerks II (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: Exhibit 1) Jersey Girl, Exhibit 2) Dogma, Exhibit 3) The last half of Chasing Amy. Kevin Smith really went downhill after Chasing Amy (redeemed himself a little with Jay and Silent Bob strike back, kinda). His special little nerd gen x apathy magic seemed to run out since he now owns half of Jersey, the other half being owned by Bruce Springstein. Clerks II seemed to be his way of cashing in on his former success, like his heros George Lucas and Steven Speilburg.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Smith stuck with the formula that made Clerks successful, all Randall all the time, with only limited amounts of Jay and Silent Bob and a shitload of juvenile humor. Though it was hard for me to imagine anyone looking like Dante could ever weasel his way into bed with anyone that looked like Rosario Dawson I thought the film was hilarious.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Right.
Funny Note: I guess Jay is clean now.
No Country For Old Men (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: After Oh Brother Where Art Thou the Coens went with Intolerable Cruelty (sucked) and a remake of a classic (The Lady Killers, which was so so). The Coens also got caught in the gravitational pull that is George Clooney which means any movie with him will ultimately suck, but the money is great. So I figured they were going the way of TMZ and leaving their quirky little movies behind.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Anton Chigurn is probably the best bad guy since Darth Vader, bolt statement I know plus what really stood out for me was the directing, almost flawless. Even Woody Harrelson was tolerable and there was no George Clooney in sight.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Yes, thankfully it won, but Crash won last year which has me wondering if this is actually an honor anymore.
Funny Note: Burn After Reading looks really shitty.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Why I DIdn't Want To See It: When people drop the smack as Robert Downey, Jr did they usually become awful or unfunny (see: Robin Williams, Miles Davis, Metallica, Chevy Chase, practically everyone). That and Val Kilmer looks pretty...odd, I mean, everyone ages but when someone from Hollywood ages it looks almost comical, like they think they can get away with drinking/drugging heavily and somehow botox and plastic surgery will make it better. In a few years I wonder if the corners of Val's lips will meet at the back of his head.
Why I was Pleasantly Surprised: Downey did a great job as did Kilmer. The script was very imaginative and the film is very self depricating, I wish more of Hollywood films were like this. I noticed that it didn't matter whether or not Downey trips balls he's still a great actor, though I thought Chaplin was a little heavy handed.
Oscar Worthy: Nah
Funny Note: Nothing really to note.
A Scanner Darkly (2005)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I thought the rotoscoping thing would annoy the hell out of me, but it didn't. The movie also starred Woody Harrelson and Wynona Rider, both a huge pox on acting. I don't mind Keanu Reeves for some reason.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: I should know that anything from a Philip K. Dick book is worth watching, with exception to Screamers.
Oscar Worthy: Maybe for Downey, Jr.
Funny Note: It took longer to animate (18 months) then it did to shoot (23 days)
Rules of Attraction (2002)
Why I Didn't want to see it: After seeing American Psycho I immediatley wanted to take a shower, then I was afraid that Patrick Bateman would storm into my bathroom and fillet me like a hooker. I didn't take a shower for a couple of days. I put two and two together and realized the same author who wrote American Psycho wrote Rules of Attraction starring James Van Der Beek (Don't have the effort to look up the correct spelling of his name) which is another reason I didn't want to see it.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: The acting of the cast including Sean Bateman (there, I'll just use his character name)was top notch. I was pretty shocked that the same lame ass that starred in Dawson's Creek where he stares across a creek for hours on end wondering if he should have pulled out did a bang up job as a self absorbed trust fund drunk/druggie a-hole. Not only that, there is something about watching rich people self destruct, it's hypnotizing. The script was also great, I was amused by the little one liners thrown about. Not only that it's one of those movies where the auxillary characters (Richard, I mean Dick) are pretty amusing and/or scary as hell.
Funny Note: Fred Savage's brother plays a junkie a little toooo well.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Naw, but still pretty good.
Eastern Promises (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I promised myself after sitting through Return of the King that I would never see another Viggo Mortensen movie ever again. The guy is so method it's creepy, I wonder if he went home after shooting was done to hump his sword. But after he started tea bagging the U.N. and using simplistic slogans for complex world issues like: "No blood for oil" I really started getting annoyed with him.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: He was the second best thing in the movie. His acting was phenominal (Oscar nod anyone? Did he get one? I didn't watch the Oscars too intently this year) and I was even able to keep down the 10 beers I consumed during the bath house knife fight scene (he was buck naked with his wee wee flopping around like a wind sock). But the movie centered around something near and dear to my heart, the mob. I know the mob sucks and they are scum but man are they interesting (See: Henry Hill, Lefty Rosenthal). But he portrays a Russian mobster, IN LONDON. So all my bases were covered, takes place in London (big british film fan), about mobsters (tight!), Russian mobsters (tighter!), great script (euphoria!), great directing (I need a cigarette).
Funny Note: John-O's review of the movie actually got me to see it. Though I don't think this country sucks, too bad.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Absolutely.
Clerks II (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: Exhibit 1) Jersey Girl, Exhibit 2) Dogma, Exhibit 3) The last half of Chasing Amy. Kevin Smith really went downhill after Chasing Amy (redeemed himself a little with Jay and Silent Bob strike back, kinda). His special little nerd gen x apathy magic seemed to run out since he now owns half of Jersey, the other half being owned by Bruce Springstein. Clerks II seemed to be his way of cashing in on his former success, like his heros George Lucas and Steven Speilburg.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Smith stuck with the formula that made Clerks successful, all Randall all the time, with only limited amounts of Jay and Silent Bob and a shitload of juvenile humor. Though it was hard for me to imagine anyone looking like Dante could ever weasel his way into bed with anyone that looked like Rosario Dawson I thought the film was hilarious.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Right.
Funny Note: I guess Jay is clean now.
No Country For Old Men (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: After Oh Brother Where Art Thou the Coens went with Intolerable Cruelty (sucked) and a remake of a classic (The Lady Killers, which was so so). The Coens also got caught in the gravitational pull that is George Clooney which means any movie with him will ultimately suck, but the money is great. So I figured they were going the way of TMZ and leaving their quirky little movies behind.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Anton Chigurn is probably the best bad guy since Darth Vader, bolt statement I know plus what really stood out for me was the directing, almost flawless. Even Woody Harrelson was tolerable and there was no George Clooney in sight.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Yes, thankfully it won, but Crash won last year which has me wondering if this is actually an honor anymore.
Funny Note: Burn After Reading looks really shitty.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Why I DIdn't Want To See It: When people drop the smack as Robert Downey, Jr did they usually become awful or unfunny (see: Robin Williams, Miles Davis, Metallica, Chevy Chase, practically everyone). That and Val Kilmer looks pretty...odd, I mean, everyone ages but when someone from Hollywood ages it looks almost comical, like they think they can get away with drinking/drugging heavily and somehow botox and plastic surgery will make it better. In a few years I wonder if the corners of Val's lips will meet at the back of his head.
Why I was Pleasantly Surprised: Downey did a great job as did Kilmer. The script was very imaginative and the film is very self depricating, I wish more of Hollywood films were like this. I noticed that it didn't matter whether or not Downey trips balls he's still a great actor, though I thought Chaplin was a little heavy handed.
Oscar Worthy: Nah
Funny Note: Nothing really to note.
A Scanner Darkly (2005)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I thought the rotoscoping thing would annoy the hell out of me, but it didn't. The movie also starred Woody Harrelson and Wynona Rider, both a huge pox on acting. I don't mind Keanu Reeves for some reason.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: I should know that anything from a Philip K. Dick book is worth watching, with exception to Screamers.
Oscar Worthy: Maybe for Downey, Jr.
Funny Note: It took longer to animate (18 months) then it did to shoot (23 days)
Monday, August 11, 2008
Ranking The Rush Instrumentals
I read this little piece about groups that usually sing but have put out a good instrumental. They have some of the usual suspects, Led Zep (Moby Dick), The Who (The Ox), Fugazi (Brendan #1) and others. Actually Fugazi has done some great instrumentals over the years. But what surprised me was they actually listed Rush at #3 early in the list for YYZ. Knock me over with a Friggen feather. A lefty site giving Rush love. Anyways it inspired me to list my fav Rush Instrumentals.
(Note, I'm not counting 2112 or Hemispheres because they are technically part of the song/story, I'm just listing the stand alones. Also Cygnus X-1 technically had words to the music in the beginning).
In Order......
8) Hope - Snakes and Arrows. Just Alex, but still kind of enjoyable if I'm IN THE MOOD. Tee hee.
7) Limbo - Test For Echo. John-O said it right the other day, Test For Echo REALLY sounds like it came out of the late 90's. I still like this song though.
6) Where's My Thing (Part IV - Ganster of Boats Trilogy)- Roll The Bones. Reminds too much of high school for my liking but I still jam to this from time to time.
5) Leave That Thing Alone - Counterparts. I really like this song, probably one of my favorites from Counterparts.
4) Malignent Narcissism - Snakes and Arrows. One of the 3 instrumentals on S&A. It was actually an afterthought but it now intros Neil's drum solo on the S&A tour.
3) La Villa Strangiato - Hemispheres. The longest instrumental. Very long, very complex, very cool.
2) The Main Monkey Business - Snakes and Arrows. A song that actually made the Godfather a fan of Rush. It's that powerful my friends.
1) YYZ - Moving Pictures. The best by far in this group. I guess the beginning is morse code for YYZ which is the airport indentifier in Toronto. It's actually pronounced Y-Y-Zed. Oh the things you learn over the years.
(Note, I'm not counting 2112 or Hemispheres because they are technically part of the song/story, I'm just listing the stand alones. Also Cygnus X-1 technically had words to the music in the beginning).
In Order......
8) Hope - Snakes and Arrows. Just Alex, but still kind of enjoyable if I'm IN THE MOOD. Tee hee.
7) Limbo - Test For Echo. John-O said it right the other day, Test For Echo REALLY sounds like it came out of the late 90's. I still like this song though.
6) Where's My Thing (Part IV - Ganster of Boats Trilogy)- Roll The Bones. Reminds too much of high school for my liking but I still jam to this from time to time.
5) Leave That Thing Alone - Counterparts. I really like this song, probably one of my favorites from Counterparts.
4) Malignent Narcissism - Snakes and Arrows. One of the 3 instrumentals on S&A. It was actually an afterthought but it now intros Neil's drum solo on the S&A tour.
3) La Villa Strangiato - Hemispheres. The longest instrumental. Very long, very complex, very cool.
2) The Main Monkey Business - Snakes and Arrows. A song that actually made the Godfather a fan of Rush. It's that powerful my friends.
1) YYZ - Moving Pictures. The best by far in this group. I guess the beginning is morse code for YYZ which is the airport indentifier in Toronto. It's actually pronounced Y-Y-Zed. Oh the things you learn over the years.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Top Ten Bassists Of All Time
Even though I don't play bass and have never attempted to I knows what I like dammit. These are the best that I've heard in my lifetime. As with all top ten lists, this is just my opinion, there are probably bassists out there I've never heard of that are kick ass.
10) Jack Bruce - Cream, Solo - I'm a huge Cream fan and I always thought that Bruce was one of the best that complemented Eric Clapton well.
9) John Taylor - Duran Duran - Very underrated bassist. The dude from Live (can't remember his name) once stated that he hated Rush and would just noodle to Duran Duran all day.
8) John Myung - Dream Theater - Felt obligated to put him on this list. Though he sounds "robotic" at times he is still one hell of a talent.
7) Scott Shiflett - Face To Face - Kind of a stretch to put him on this list but he's damn good. Got to see them live in Chicago back in '01 and was thouroghly impressed. But don't take my word for it, go buy Face To Face's self titled album.
6) Matt Freeman - Rancid, Operation Ivy - This guy has some serious chops as seen here. Was happy to see these guys live a few years back, old punkers never die.
5) Muzz Skillings - Living Colour - Complete sentimental favorite of mine. Was kicked out of the band after Times Up. No idea why. But he was replaced by another awesome bassist in Doug Wimbish.
4) John Paul Jones - Led Zeppelin - Overshadowed by the others in the group but was (well, is) a great talent. I would give my left nut to see them live, even with Jason Bohnam on drums. His bass line in Immigrant Song is fucking fantastic.
3) Geddy Lee - Rush - Yeah, I know, blah, blah blah Rush is great, blah blah.
2) Tony Levin - Peter Gabriel, King Crimson - Just a freak of nature on the bass. The reason why I love Peter Gabriel so much and he single handedly saved Pink Floyd's Momentary Lapse of Reason. Got to see him with Peter Gabriel on the WOMAD tour back in '93.
1) John Entwisle - The Who - Undisputed best bassist in rock. Was actually kind of bummed when he passed. When I first heard him as a kid I really wanted to play bass, then I heard his counterpart Keith Moon and changed my mind. Still just an unbelievable talent. My mom (who listens to nothing but classical) even thought he was great, that's saying something, believe me.
Honorable Mentions
Flea - Red Hot Chili Peppers - Should be on this list but I find RHCP kind of arrogant and annoying, how many farking songs can you write about California?
Mike Rutherford - Genesis
Tina Weymouth - Talking Heads
Stefan Olsdal - Placebo
Jimbo Wallace - Reverend Horton Heat
Ben Shepard - Soundgarden
Sting - The Police - He actually is pretty good
Justin Chancellor - Tool
Chris Square - Yes - Another one that should be on the list, but oh well.
10) Jack Bruce - Cream, Solo - I'm a huge Cream fan and I always thought that Bruce was one of the best that complemented Eric Clapton well.
9) John Taylor - Duran Duran - Very underrated bassist. The dude from Live (can't remember his name) once stated that he hated Rush and would just noodle to Duran Duran all day.
8) John Myung - Dream Theater - Felt obligated to put him on this list. Though he sounds "robotic" at times he is still one hell of a talent.
7) Scott Shiflett - Face To Face - Kind of a stretch to put him on this list but he's damn good. Got to see them live in Chicago back in '01 and was thouroghly impressed. But don't take my word for it, go buy Face To Face's self titled album.
6) Matt Freeman - Rancid, Operation Ivy - This guy has some serious chops as seen here. Was happy to see these guys live a few years back, old punkers never die.
5) Muzz Skillings - Living Colour - Complete sentimental favorite of mine. Was kicked out of the band after Times Up. No idea why. But he was replaced by another awesome bassist in Doug Wimbish.
4) John Paul Jones - Led Zeppelin - Overshadowed by the others in the group but was (well, is) a great talent. I would give my left nut to see them live, even with Jason Bohnam on drums. His bass line in Immigrant Song is fucking fantastic.
3) Geddy Lee - Rush - Yeah, I know, blah, blah blah Rush is great, blah blah.
2) Tony Levin - Peter Gabriel, King Crimson - Just a freak of nature on the bass. The reason why I love Peter Gabriel so much and he single handedly saved Pink Floyd's Momentary Lapse of Reason. Got to see him with Peter Gabriel on the WOMAD tour back in '93.
1) John Entwisle - The Who - Undisputed best bassist in rock. Was actually kind of bummed when he passed. When I first heard him as a kid I really wanted to play bass, then I heard his counterpart Keith Moon and changed my mind. Still just an unbelievable talent. My mom (who listens to nothing but classical) even thought he was great, that's saying something, believe me.
Honorable Mentions
Flea - Red Hot Chili Peppers - Should be on this list but I find RHCP kind of arrogant and annoying, how many farking songs can you write about California?
Mike Rutherford - Genesis
Tina Weymouth - Talking Heads
Stefan Olsdal - Placebo
Jimbo Wallace - Reverend Horton Heat
Ben Shepard - Soundgarden
Sting - The Police - He actually is pretty good
Justin Chancellor - Tool
Chris Square - Yes - Another one that should be on the list, but oh well.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
They Had It, Then Lost It
Cracked.com ran an interesting little story labeled "Sick Boy Syndrome, Top 5 Comedians That Had It, Then Lost It." Sick boy is the dude from Trainspotting who tells the hero of the story of Sean Connery, had it, but lost it and only got the oscar for The Untouchables because the Academy felt like they had to give him something. Well the comedians they claimed that lost it were: Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Eddy Murphy, Robin Williams and Steve Martin. I agreed with them all except Mike Myers, I don't think he neccesarily lost it, I just think he ran out of original jokes midway through Wayne's World II. Even Austin Powers had a ton of jokes lifted directly from Wayne's World. I actually like Mike Myers but were all going to have to get used to the fact that his last funny moment was his reaction to Kanye West's rant about Bush. Anyways, I thought I would continue the list of those who had it, but lost it.
Ed Norton
In The Beginning: Primal Fear, American History X, People Vs. Larry Flynt, Rounders
Peaked: Fight Club
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: Keeping The Faith
The Demise: Everything since. I know people like Hulk but fuck me, he's basically Tyler Durden again, but instead of turning into Brad Pitt smoking, beating the shit out of people and banging everything that moves he turns into the exact same thing Eric Bana turned into in 2003. All of his political and environmental hypocricy aside he really hasn't starred in a good movie since Fight Club, I even thought The Illusionist was a complete bore.
John Cusack
In The Beginning: Better Off Dead, Tapeheads, One Crazy Summer, Eight Men Out, The Grifters
Peaked: Somewhere between Gross Point Blank and High Fidelity
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: Identity
The Demise: The Iraq War. Hey, if you don't like the war and really hate Bush be my guest, it's definatley your right to say so but at least make some decent fucking movies. Grace Is Gone? War, Inc.? Crap. His overly simplistic view of the U.S. profiteering off war was kind of funny because technically he's making money off the war with his movies with the Iraq War as a backdrop. Unless he's giving the profits to charity. I didn't think so. Even his non protest movies suck; The Ice Harvest, American Sweethearts, Serendipity, Must Love Dogs. Jesus, just complete sell out shit movies.
Adrien Brody
In The Beginning: Basically hit and miss movies throughout his career such as Bread and Roses, Harrison's Flowers and Thin Red Line (Hey, I liked it).
Peaked: The Pianist
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: Dummy. The Pianist was so good and so gut wretching that I could only see it once, like Schindler's List. It was one of the few nominations that I actually agreed with the Academy. Then Adrien went the way of Cuba Gooding, Jr. and hasn't starred in a good role since. I have yet to see the Darjeeling Limited but I've heard it was pretty disapointing. Well, for some fucking reason I liked The Life Aqautic with Steve Zassou.....
Brad Pitt
In The Beginning: Seven, Legends Of The Fall (yes, I liked it, sue me), Interview With A Vampire, Twelve Monkeys, Fight Club, Snatch
Peaked: Ocean's Eleven
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: The Mexican. Really this isn't Brad's fault, he's more TMZ now than an actor. So when I saw Assissination of Jesse James (pretty boring by the way, and fucking looong. I didn't finish it) all I could think of was Bradgelina, or Angiebrad or whatever the fuck they call themselves. But really his film qualities have dipped since Ocean's Eleven.
Kevin Spacey
In The Beginning: Henry and June, Glengarry Glen Ross (GO TO FUCKING LUNCH YOU FUCK!!!), Usual Suspects, Seven, The Ref, Doomsday Gun, The Big Kahuna, L.A. Confidential, Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil
Peaked: American Beauty
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: K-PAX. Unfortunately Kevin Spacey is clearly in his check cashing mailing it in phase along with with the likes of Al Pacino and DeNiro.
Actors who have been pretty steady their entire career: Morgan Freeman, Harrison Ford (well, kinda), Sam Rockwell, Tony Shaloub, Stanley Tucci, Helena Bohnam Carter, Ewan McGregor (though he has starred in complete shitballs), Christian Bale, John Malkovich, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes and others I can't think of.
Ed Norton
In The Beginning: Primal Fear, American History X, People Vs. Larry Flynt, Rounders
Peaked: Fight Club
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: Keeping The Faith
The Demise: Everything since. I know people like Hulk but fuck me, he's basically Tyler Durden again, but instead of turning into Brad Pitt smoking, beating the shit out of people and banging everything that moves he turns into the exact same thing Eric Bana turned into in 2003. All of his political and environmental hypocricy aside he really hasn't starred in a good movie since Fight Club, I even thought The Illusionist was a complete bore.
John Cusack
In The Beginning: Better Off Dead, Tapeheads, One Crazy Summer, Eight Men Out, The Grifters
Peaked: Somewhere between Gross Point Blank and High Fidelity
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: Identity
The Demise: The Iraq War. Hey, if you don't like the war and really hate Bush be my guest, it's definatley your right to say so but at least make some decent fucking movies. Grace Is Gone? War, Inc.? Crap. His overly simplistic view of the U.S. profiteering off war was kind of funny because technically he's making money off the war with his movies with the Iraq War as a backdrop. Unless he's giving the profits to charity. I didn't think so. Even his non protest movies suck; The Ice Harvest, American Sweethearts, Serendipity, Must Love Dogs. Jesus, just complete sell out shit movies.
Adrien Brody
In The Beginning: Basically hit and miss movies throughout his career such as Bread and Roses, Harrison's Flowers and Thin Red Line (Hey, I liked it).
Peaked: The Pianist
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: Dummy. The Pianist was so good and so gut wretching that I could only see it once, like Schindler's List. It was one of the few nominations that I actually agreed with the Academy. Then Adrien went the way of Cuba Gooding, Jr. and hasn't starred in a good role since. I have yet to see the Darjeeling Limited but I've heard it was pretty disapointing. Well, for some fucking reason I liked The Life Aqautic with Steve Zassou.....
Brad Pitt
In The Beginning: Seven, Legends Of The Fall (yes, I liked it, sue me), Interview With A Vampire, Twelve Monkeys, Fight Club, Snatch
Peaked: Ocean's Eleven
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: The Mexican. Really this isn't Brad's fault, he's more TMZ now than an actor. So when I saw Assissination of Jesse James (pretty boring by the way, and fucking looong. I didn't finish it) all I could think of was Bradgelina, or Angiebrad or whatever the fuck they call themselves. But really his film qualities have dipped since Ocean's Eleven.
Kevin Spacey
In The Beginning: Henry and June, Glengarry Glen Ross (GO TO FUCKING LUNCH YOU FUCK!!!), Usual Suspects, Seven, The Ref, Doomsday Gun, The Big Kahuna, L.A. Confidential, Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil
Peaked: American Beauty
The First Indication Something Was Wrong: K-PAX. Unfortunately Kevin Spacey is clearly in his check cashing mailing it in phase along with with the likes of Al Pacino and DeNiro.
Actors who have been pretty steady their entire career: Morgan Freeman, Harrison Ford (well, kinda), Sam Rockwell, Tony Shaloub, Stanley Tucci, Helena Bohnam Carter, Ewan McGregor (though he has starred in complete shitballs), Christian Bale, John Malkovich, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes and others I can't think of.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
This Is My Last Role? 'Scuse Me While I Go Die Now
I know all actors would like to go out on top, to be remembered in a way that is dignified and glorious. Heath Ledger's last role was Joker in the Dark Knight, which I hear is receiving serious raves. Sometimes though actors are not as lucky as 'ol Heath. Sometimes an actors last role is the equivalent of the death scene of Elvis; face down, pants down, bloated and fat with the last contribution for the world floating in the john. Yes I ripped off Denis Leary, he ripped off Bill Hicks, were all even. Anyways, here are some actors whose last role I would deem a total shitball.
The Actor: Raul Julia
Best Known For: Kiss of the Spider Women, Moon Over Parador, Addams Family, Presumed Innocent, Tequila Sunrise
Last Movie Role: Street Fighter
Analysis: I loved Raul Julia, I was kind of bummed to hear he passed on, but not as bummed to learn that his last role was Street Fighter, exhibits 1 and 1A of why video games should not be turned into movies. A total shitfest of bad acting, bad action and homeroticism that rivaled Top Gun. To make matters worse his last role was opposite of Jean Claude Van Damme, who's fall from grace was so bad that he actually got a boner on live TV not to long ago. Raul deserved better. Jean Claude deserves a severe beating.
The Actor: Chris Farley
Best Known For: Tommyboy, Coneheads, Airheads, Billy Madison, actually his movies kind of sucked after Tommyboy, but I'll continue.
Last Movie Role: Almost Heroes
Analysis: This movie was so bad I think I shit myself, literally shit on myself. Even though Black Sheep blew and Beverly Hills Ninja was a cornucopia of crap Almost Heroes was just pain inducing bad. I have a feeling that if Farely continued to live he probably would have made a movie so awful that anyone that viewed it would have looked like that kid from The Ring.
The Actor: John Belushi
Best Known For: Animal House, Continental Divide (which I thought sucked but..), 1941, Blues Brothers
Last Movie Role: Neighbors
Analysis: About this time Belushi's drug habit was pretty fucking intense, so much so that the director of this film had no clue whether or not Belushi would even show up sometimes. Though the movie wasn't as bad as Almost Heroes it sure was light years away from Blues Brothers. Like Farely, Belushi died of a drug overdose at the age of 33. Farely, I guess, was following in John's footsteps by starring in shitty movies before 8 balling out.
The Actor: John Candy
Best Known For: Uncle Buck, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Spaceballs, The Great Outdoors, Cool Runnings, Stripes
Last Movie Role: Wagons East
Analysis: Wagons East was so bad that he actually died on the set suffering the indignity of being packed in a piano crate to be shipped back to Canada in order to escape from the film. Even more hardcore than chewing off your own arm when it's trapped in a bear trap. And that's not the worst of it, the movie was dedicated to him, kind of like Denny's dedicating a toilet seat to me. Of course Candy's last released movie was Canadian Bacon, a movie written and directed by Michael Moore, which would have killed me dead.
The Actress: Natalie Wood
Best Known For: West Side Story and other classic movies that I never bothered to see.
Last Movie Role: Brainstorm
Analysis: While I enjoyed Brainstorm a lot of critics did not. Even though Natalie Wood and Louise Fletcher were nominated for their roles it was the Saturn awards, a Sci Fi thing, not exactly the Academy Awards. It also flopped at the box office. Many of the scenes were filmed with stand ins for the remainder of the shoot due to a drunk Natalie Wood betting Robert Wagner that she could swim. I'm going to hell for that last sentence.
The Actor: Peter Sellers
Best Known For: Pink Panther movies, Casino Royale, Being There, The Ladykillers, other classics
Last Movie Role: Trail of the Pink Panther
Analysis: I'm stretching this a bit because he never actually "starred" in the movie because he died of a heart attack before shooting, but it didn't stop Blake Edwards from making the movie scrapping together scant new and old footage of Sellers. The movie is basically a reporter (Jonna Lumley - Ab Fab fame) trying to track down Inspector Clouseau, our favorite bumbling detective. The movie was so shitty that Sellers died again after viewing it.
The Actor: Bela Lagosi
Best Known For: Dracula and other classic movies
Last Movie Role: Plan 9 From Outer Space
Analysis: His last starring role was in a movie that is basically regarded as the worst movie ever made, even more so than Crash, and that's saying a lot. You just can't top that.
The Director: Stanley Kubrick
Best Known For: A Clockwork Orange, 2001, Full Metal Jacket, The Shining, Spartacus, Paths Of Glory
Last Directing Gig: Eyes Wide Shut
Analysis: I know John-O really likes this movie so I'll be gentle. This movie was a big piece of shit. Bad acting, script and a soundtrack that sounded like it was written by a five year old. That and the last lines of the movie was so fucking awful. "What do we do now?" asked Tom Cruise. "Fuck" responded Nicole Kidman in a role that she acted so wooden that if you told me a robot was a stand in I would believe you. Nicole Kidman was even nude for the movie and I still thought it sucked. I'm pretty convinced that Kubrick died for this movie. If he actually lived I'm betting heavily that this movie would have been panned heavily and would probably been nominated for a couple of Rassies. Sorry John-O, I wasn't gentle, your welcome to fillet any movie that I like.
The Actor: Raul Julia
Best Known For: Kiss of the Spider Women, Moon Over Parador, Addams Family, Presumed Innocent, Tequila Sunrise
Last Movie Role: Street Fighter
Analysis: I loved Raul Julia, I was kind of bummed to hear he passed on, but not as bummed to learn that his last role was Street Fighter, exhibits 1 and 1A of why video games should not be turned into movies. A total shitfest of bad acting, bad action and homeroticism that rivaled Top Gun. To make matters worse his last role was opposite of Jean Claude Van Damme, who's fall from grace was so bad that he actually got a boner on live TV not to long ago. Raul deserved better. Jean Claude deserves a severe beating.
The Actor: Chris Farley
Best Known For: Tommyboy, Coneheads, Airheads, Billy Madison, actually his movies kind of sucked after Tommyboy, but I'll continue.
Last Movie Role: Almost Heroes
Analysis: This movie was so bad I think I shit myself, literally shit on myself. Even though Black Sheep blew and Beverly Hills Ninja was a cornucopia of crap Almost Heroes was just pain inducing bad. I have a feeling that if Farely continued to live he probably would have made a movie so awful that anyone that viewed it would have looked like that kid from The Ring.
The Actor: John Belushi
Best Known For: Animal House, Continental Divide (which I thought sucked but..), 1941, Blues Brothers
Last Movie Role: Neighbors
Analysis: About this time Belushi's drug habit was pretty fucking intense, so much so that the director of this film had no clue whether or not Belushi would even show up sometimes. Though the movie wasn't as bad as Almost Heroes it sure was light years away from Blues Brothers. Like Farely, Belushi died of a drug overdose at the age of 33. Farely, I guess, was following in John's footsteps by starring in shitty movies before 8 balling out.
The Actor: John Candy
Best Known For: Uncle Buck, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Spaceballs, The Great Outdoors, Cool Runnings, Stripes
Last Movie Role: Wagons East
Analysis: Wagons East was so bad that he actually died on the set suffering the indignity of being packed in a piano crate to be shipped back to Canada in order to escape from the film. Even more hardcore than chewing off your own arm when it's trapped in a bear trap. And that's not the worst of it, the movie was dedicated to him, kind of like Denny's dedicating a toilet seat to me. Of course Candy's last released movie was Canadian Bacon, a movie written and directed by Michael Moore, which would have killed me dead.
The Actress: Natalie Wood
Best Known For: West Side Story and other classic movies that I never bothered to see.
Last Movie Role: Brainstorm
Analysis: While I enjoyed Brainstorm a lot of critics did not. Even though Natalie Wood and Louise Fletcher were nominated for their roles it was the Saturn awards, a Sci Fi thing, not exactly the Academy Awards. It also flopped at the box office. Many of the scenes were filmed with stand ins for the remainder of the shoot due to a drunk Natalie Wood betting Robert Wagner that she could swim. I'm going to hell for that last sentence.
The Actor: Peter Sellers
Best Known For: Pink Panther movies, Casino Royale, Being There, The Ladykillers, other classics
Last Movie Role: Trail of the Pink Panther
Analysis: I'm stretching this a bit because he never actually "starred" in the movie because he died of a heart attack before shooting, but it didn't stop Blake Edwards from making the movie scrapping together scant new and old footage of Sellers. The movie is basically a reporter (Jonna Lumley - Ab Fab fame) trying to track down Inspector Clouseau, our favorite bumbling detective. The movie was so shitty that Sellers died again after viewing it.
The Actor: Bela Lagosi
Best Known For: Dracula and other classic movies
Last Movie Role: Plan 9 From Outer Space
Analysis: His last starring role was in a movie that is basically regarded as the worst movie ever made, even more so than Crash, and that's saying a lot. You just can't top that.
The Director: Stanley Kubrick
Best Known For: A Clockwork Orange, 2001, Full Metal Jacket, The Shining, Spartacus, Paths Of Glory
Last Directing Gig: Eyes Wide Shut
Analysis: I know John-O really likes this movie so I'll be gentle. This movie was a big piece of shit. Bad acting, script and a soundtrack that sounded like it was written by a five year old. That and the last lines of the movie was so fucking awful. "What do we do now?" asked Tom Cruise. "Fuck" responded Nicole Kidman in a role that she acted so wooden that if you told me a robot was a stand in I would believe you. Nicole Kidman was even nude for the movie and I still thought it sucked. I'm pretty convinced that Kubrick died for this movie. If he actually lived I'm betting heavily that this movie would have been panned heavily and would probably been nominated for a couple of Rassies. Sorry John-O, I wasn't gentle, your welcome to fillet any movie that I like.
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