I was inspired to write this little gem after seeing Stephen King's greatests songs of all time list. As everyone noticed there were absolutely no songs past 1989 on the list which generated a ton of criticism from some music critics and internet basement nerds. I was inspired to do one better than ol' Uncle Stephen, list the best songs of the eighties. Nothing said crappily good more than the eighties; the hairstyles, the commercialism, the big, bad ass synthesizers; the waaaay too big drumset; the style; the drugs; the sitcoms. So I made this list keeping in mind to leave out any indie rock (Husker Du, REM, New Order, etc.). The one thing about Stephen King we should make note of is that he's from Maine, which makes him an insufferable Red Sox/Patriots fan. In other words drunk with success and kind of off his nut, like the rest of that area. Enjoy!
20) Mr. Mister - Broken Wings - Not only did Mr. Mister come up with the worst band name of all
time, they even managed to make an unbelievably cheesy 80's tune you could awkwardly dance
with your pre-teen sweety with. Mind you I was pre-teen also.
19) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger - Theme song for Rocky III, which was basically the beginning of
the end for good Sylvester Stallone films.
18) Dixie's Midnight Runners - Come on Eileen - Before Kevin Rowland discovered women's
clothing and fistfuls of coke he did write this gem. We should have
known something was up with him when he fired the drummer midway through the shooting of the video. I
believe that was a first.
17) Blondie - Call Me - Seen Deborah Harry lately? Father time really took a baseball bat to her.
16) Eddie Grant - Electric Avenue - I had no idea it was a protest song and neither did
anyone else including all the grown ups around me. Maybe Eddie should have done
15) Spandau Ballet - True - I actually really do like this song, no I don't think that's gay.
14) B-52's - Rock Lobster - mixing surf music with indie music being sung by an openly
gay man with two women looking like they were catapaulted out of 50's, no small feat.
What's a Rock Lobster? Who cares, it's a rocking little tune.
13) Culture Club - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? - I don't think anybody realized she was a he
until they became unpopular, around 1987.
12) Frakie Goes to Hollywood - Relax - Made a top 10 song about gay sex. Good for
him, I think.
11) Big Country - Big Country - god rest Stuart Adamson soul
for not only coming up with a top ten hit Big Country, but also
naming his band Big Country. I think he named his kids Big and
10) Van Halen - Jump - made the video for $500.
I do like the red rocker but long live Diamond Dave!
9) Wang Chung - Wang Chung - What the hell is Wang
Chung? Doesn't matter, it's the 80's.
8) Tom Sawyer - Rush - Hey, I'm a Rush fan, got to
plug them somewhere in here.
7) Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads - made clothes
that are waaaaaay too big for you fashionable, which
made life hell for a teenager with a sex drive of a
6) Just Like Heaven - The Cure - you gotta love the
Cure, made putting on makeup fashionable and fun for
guys. I know Bauhaus did it , but they were just
5) Pat Benetar - Love is a Battlefield - She couldn't
dance a lick but we loved her anyways. Seen her lately?
The opposite of Deborah Harry, smokin' hot.
4) Rio - Duran Duran - I just loved it on South Park
where Santa couldn't remember anymore Santa tunes to
sing and started belting out this one.
3) Katrina and the Suns - Walking on Sunshine - it was
so cheery and cool at the same time. She made me think
I was cool for wearing red converse high tops. All it did was
make me look like a big, fat kid with red shoes.
2) Any Chicago ballad - made we want a girlfriend at
the tender age of 11, and I didn't know why.
1) Starship - We Built this City - The ultimate 80's song. An unbelievably
crappy tune but I love it anyways. Grace Slick was
probably the first of the 60's and 70's rockers (CSNY,
Dillon, The Who, Beatles, Eagles, etc.) to realize
that she could
1) get a boatload of money by making
2) completely and utterly sell out her
soul and not give a crap (Sting anyone?).
3) pile together every 80's song cliche' into one compact
4) go on tour and jack up admissions in
order to preserve a higher end lifestyle and have
enough money left over for rehab and plastic surgery.
And I say, god bless her for it.
There are plenty others to list, but that's all I can think of right now.
Time for a beer, or three.......