Sunday, December 30, 2007

End Of The Year Awards

Since we are at the end of this wonderful 2007 I'll give out some worthless awards......

In Your Face! Award

Colts defeating the Pats in the AFC title game and then going on to win it all. But the Pats come back, like the worse bad guy in a shitty movie.

Best Celebrity Meltdown

Ike Turner, you know, because he died and was cremated. Too soon? Oh, he was buried. That joke didn't work.

Worst Sports Announcer Of The Year Award

Bryant Gumbel. Actually worse sports announcer ever. At least Harry Carey had the excuse of being drunk.

Most Unbelievable Sell Out Award

Perry Farrell, for showing up at the beginning of the ABC sports games dressed in gold and singing about the upcoming games. Jesus Christ Farrell, gone are the days of Janes Addiction.

Best Movie Of 2007

Eastern Promises. This is by default since this is the only good movie I've seen all year, all two of them that I've seen.

Best Album of 2007

Rush - Snakes and Arrows. Duh.

Worse Teammate of the Year Award

Hope Solo of the U.S. womens soccer team calling out her coach and basically telling her teammate goal keeper that she's old and sucks.

Best TV Show of 2007

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. My wife keeps telling me I'm going to hell for watching this show, I agree.

Worse Commercials of the Year

Those commercials where those douchebags with Coors Light are asking a bunch of unemployed NFL coaches lame ass questions.

Worse TV Personnel Move of the Year

Bringing Keith Olbermann to Football Night In America. He's too far removed from the glory days of ESPN, he now just comes off as a liberal douche bag more than anything now.

Comeback of the Year Award

Colorado Rockies. Unfortunately that feel good story ended with those royal a-holes the Boston Red Sox.

Best Sports Team Meltdown of the Year Award

New York Mets. Losing almost every game down the stretch was just unreal and painful to watch.

Douchebag Liberal Award

Sean Penn. Accusing the president of being a dictator then supporting a known dictator. Not smart Spicoli.

Douchebag Conservative Award

James Dobson. Look it up, he's a douchebag.

Worse Computer Idea

Windows Vista. This, my friends, is why I am now a Mac user.

Worse Sports Journalist of 2007

Jemile Hill. If there was ever a time you could say that political correctness and affirmative action has run amok, just look to Jemile. Plays the race card so much that even Spike Lee told her to chill out. Ripped Andy Pettite for taking HGH but defends Barry Bonds at every turn. Has the worse sports takes that she makes me forget that Jay Mariotti exists. Hell, she even makes me forget Bill Simmons exists.


Julia Carson. I'm not big with her politics but I was impressed with the speech she gave at my graduation. I talked to her afterwards and she came off as a genuine, sincere and very nice.

Best Sports Feel Good Story of the Year

IU football. Getting to a bowl game for the first time in a long time after their coach died.

Worse Movie Of 2007 Without Me Actually Seeing It Award

Toss up, Redacted or Rendition? Naw, Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Hypocrite of the Year Award

Al Gore. I've covered this extensively. When the president that is considered the worse environmental president of all time has done more than you? Yeah, not good.

Worse George Bush Speech of 2007

Pretty much all of them. I seriously can't get through any of his speeches, just like I can't with Al Gore.

Biggest Sign of the Apocolypse for 2007

The presidential election of 2008.

Biggest Sign of the Apocolyse for 2007 Part II

Colts win the Super Bowl.

Pretentious Artist of the Year Award

Jake Gylenhall.

Biggest Global Warming Prediction Bust of 2007

Hurricanes will be bigger, more destructive and there will be more of them. Whoops. 1 landfall in the U.S. in two years.

You Should Have Just Stayed Retired Award

Jane Fonda. Georgia rules, and blows.

Fat Man of the Year Award

Mark Mangino - Kansas Jayhawk football coach. This guy is so fat that even with his shirt off he can put his hands in his pockets.

Worse Impersonation of a Professional Football Team Award

Miami Dolphins. Damn Ravens, we could have 0-16 and 16-0 teams this year. This has got to be the worse team since 1980.

WTF? Award for the NFL

Randy Moss and Terrel Owens kept their mouths shut and are role models in the locker room. That just doesn't feel right.

WTF? Award for College Football

Over 30 players on the Florida State football team were suspended for the upcoming bowl game. I guess the boys will be boys excuse didn't work this time.

Creepiest Bad Guy in Movies Award

Javier Bardem. I haven't seen the movie yet but the dude is totally creepy as a hit man.

That's all I can think of...

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