The Pacers Are Broke Yo

If you guys haven't heard, and I'm sure you've haven't, the Pacers have announced that they have lost more money than M.C. Hammer and Mike Tyson combined. When looking at the worth of the Pacers they are at 300 million, but Herb Simon says that they have lost 200 million since he took over the club in 19whatever. Many blame the shitty performance since thugs took over the team in 2004. But I say that if the thugs actually took the Pacers anywhere this would be a different situation. To me the whole thing started to snowball since Donny Walsh decided to hire the worst person in the world, no, not Rush Limbaugh there Keith Olbermann but Isiah Thomas back in 2001 when Larry Bird decided to "retire" to get great blowjobs from lot lizards back in French Lick.

Let's here from the owner himself, Herb Simon. Oh.....Herb.

-There comes a point where you have to say, 'Maybe I can't do this anymore,' Simon, 74, said in an hour long meeting with executives and reporters at The Indianapolis Star. Certainly my family, if I'm not here, is not going to be able to do it. So, let's straighten this thing out. Maybe we can't. But let us try. Sure, I would have picked a better time than the world's greatest economic crisis. The timing sucks, but that's what it is.-

Great, thanks a pant load there Herb the city builds you a beautiful building downtown and you decide that maybe you can't do this anymore. I know that really the NBA as a whole is a complete disaster and the Pacers are just swept up in the tsunami of the shit economy but threatening to move the team if the can't do this anymore is a dick move. This city has supported you through thick and thin and we abondaned you because you put together a horriffic team full of shitty contracts and thugs that can't shoot worth a shit, with guns and the ball. I still root for the Pacers, basically becuase I know this team won't be around much longer and the fact that if Indy loses any pro team we won't get it back....ever. I know you hippies don't give a shit and think that these teams don't do any good for the city, but when these teams do well, more jobs and more money, pure and simple. Just ask any economically depressed city their opinion, like Oklahoma City.

Indiana Pacers - 2007- 2008 Preview

This comes a day late (and a dollar short) but I'll do it anyways. My lovely wife scored suite tickets to the Pacers v. Timberwolves pre-season game a couple of weeks back so I got to see our Indiana Pacers up close and personal. So while I was pounding free beer, nachos and fruit I made mental notes and compiled my drunken opinion on how the Pacers will shape up for the waaaay too long NBA season for 2007-2008. They started out pretty strong last night without Jermaine O'Neal which made me proud. But since the NBA is as fixed as WWE (without the steroid induced murder-suicides) there is no fucking way Herr Stern would allow the Pacers anywhere near the NBA finals. But since I'm a Pacer fan for life, I'll give my stupid, drunken opinion of them. Trust me, if it weren't for the Pacers I would have stopped watching the NBA a looooong time ago.

The Ranking System Ala' Major League

They're Shitty
They're Still Shitty
These Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad
We Can Beat the Yankees

Head Coach - Jim O'Brian

O'Brian took over after the Pacers mercifully wacked Jim Carrey as coach and decided to pump some energy in a very stagnant, slow and plodding offense that was killing us under Carlilse. So far, so good. The Pacers took Washington by surprise last night with the constant up tempo offense. But can the Pacers keep up this frenetic pace? We'll see..

Verdict - These Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad

The Team

Any other GM would have been shown the door if they made the moves that Larry (I look 80 years old) Bird has made over the years. Last year he basically traded Al Harrington for Al Harrington then traded him again for a couple of white boys and a loss of a 1st round draft pick. Not as bad as Isiah Thomas, but still completely crappy. However the team is rid of all egos that basically killed it in the last two years (Stephen Jackson, Ron Artest, Al Harrington) and has replaced it with a roster that had me saying, "who are these fucking guys?" But let's run down the new talent the Pacers have.

Travis (You're killing me Smalls) Diener - Looks like the kid from the Sandlot, but he can pass, run and hit the 3 with regularity. Too bad his defense sucks.

If I'm not mistaken, that's pretty much it for new talent that the Pacers will use regularly.

The rest of the team is what you remember from last year after that horrific trade: Jamaal Tinsley (slimed down), Jermaine O'Neal, Danny Granger, Troy Murphy, and Mike Dunleavy.

Verdict - The Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad

The Offense

Up tempo, break neck speed, hit the open man, hit the three. The Pacers field goal percentage was crap last night but it was a welcome site compared to the granny trot that was Jim Carrey's offense last year. But can they keep this up the entire year?

Verdict - The Guys Aren't Too Fucking Bad

The Defense

In order to win they are going to have to score more than the c-note they give up regularly to other teams. In other words....

Verdict - They're Shitty

The Bench

Couldn't pick them out of a police line up. Showed promise last night, but, this could easily tank if they go on a long stretch of losing.

Verdict - They're Still Shitty

The Management

Did I mention the horrific trades and draft picks made by Larry Bird? Yeah, I'm sure I did.

Verdict - They're Still Shitty

My Drunken NBA Predictions

Pacers

Will probably finish 6 or below in the Eastern Conference and then get bounced in the first round. But Jim O'Brian did actually take the Celtics to the 2002 Eastern Conference Finals, so who knows? Like I am with the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Indy Colts, cautiously optimistic, but will probably blow up in my face, and I'll go drink and cry and cry and drink some more.

The Rest of the NBA

Eastern Conference Champs - Pistons, or whoever Herr Stern wants to win.
Western Conference Champs - Suns, or whoever Herr Stern wants to win.
NBA Champs of 2008 - Whoever Herr Stern wants to win.