Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Lost In Translation

No I'm not talking about the shitty movie starring Bill Murray or directed by the ugliest daughter of a director ever I'm talking about our society. One phrase that has made its way into the sports media is "It is what it is." Which translates into "I'm done talking." I thought I would translate some other things for you from sports to movies to media to our everyday society.....enjoy.

Phrase: Translation

Trust me: Fuck you

Hi, I'm from Greenpeace, do you have a moment?: Hi, I live in an upscale neighborhood with my parents, I drove my dad's SUV to get here, can I annoy you for the next five minutes?

From the makers of Independence Day: This movie will suck donkey balls.

People are trying to censor me!: One guy from the internet told me to shut up.

Man, I saw the boss was really yelling at you just now: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHHHAAAA!

Man, I feel horrible, I must be coming down with something: I am seriously hung over. I shouldn't have drunk 12 beers and played Madden all night.

Christians are so misguided, dumb and dangerous: I'm waaaaay to scared to say anything about Muslims.

I'm starting a green lifestyle: Eventually I'll get swept up in another fad.

I'll be starring in Drilbit Taylor coming this Spring: I'll be committing suicide soon.

I think porn objectifies women and is completely disgusting, immoral and violent towards women: I have a huge collection of girl on girl.

Hi, I'm Anderson Cooper: Man, I really look good on camera, make sure to get me in the foreground at all times.

Episode III wasn't that bad: George Lucas has ruined my childhood.

Based on a true story: We embellished a fuckload for this movie.

Based on true events: There is nothing true about this movie.

My wife and I share a wonderful, equal commitment: Has anyone seen my balls?

No honey, I don't think that waitress looks good at all: I'll be thinking about her during sex tonight.

It's ok honey, I wasn't that horny either: I'll just masturbate in the dark and cry for a while.

I believe in cultural diversity: White people suck.

I think Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson do a lot for African Americans: Seriously, white people suck.

I really like the music of Kanye West and 50 cent: I fantisize about pistol whipping honkey.

America was built on a sham and deserves to go down in flames: I think I need to stop reading NUVO for a while.

Liberals are to blame for everything: I need to stop reading NewsMax for a while.

Democrats/Republicans came out with their list of candidates: We have shitty candidates and aren't afraid to use them.

Now joining us is James Carville: Advert your eyes! Quick! This fucker is ugly as sin.

Hi I'm Larry King: Listen to me fart on air repeadedly.

It's a good size: Christ your small!

Breast size really doesn't matter to me: Thank god you have big boobs.

Socially conscious lyrics: I'm trying to sell more records by pretending to care.

I think Fall Out Boy rules!: I like anal sex.

That last season of Saturday Night was awesome: I'm Corky from Life Goes On.

That's why I direct now: I couldn't find an acting job to save my life.

I'll only have a couple of drinks tonight: I'll probably be in the ER getting my stomach pumped in a couple of hours.

Socialized medicine will work for this country: I like the DMV a lot!

This is a horrible problem for society that needs to be resolved!: Once a Democrat reaches office we will never hear about it again.

I can't think of anything else.


Godfather Weilhammer said...

You crack me up. Absolutely hilarious post. And you made sure to offend everyone, it's good to see that social consciousness in action.

Prime Mover said...

Thanks, I am an equal opportunity offender.