Since Boston is about to win the world series that means all of ESPN.com is about to explode with stories, articles and nonsensical Boston BS. One of the lead writers on ESPN is Bill (I only got this job because I'm a Boston sports fan) Simmons. He is probably the biggest Boston homer they have on the web page, he also makes fun of Indy sports teams waaaay too much (see "the Manning face"). He goes out of his way to do so contantly, even this year with the Colts. Since ESPN has only Jay Mariotti representing the midwest (seriously, look it up, 7 Boston writers for 3 teams, 1 midwest writer for a shitload of midwest teams) I thought I would make a typical mock diary of Bill Simmons for tonights inevitable Boston win.
8:00 - We come at you live for game five of the world series with Boston battling, um, some team from Colorado, seriously, does Colorado have a team? I only know the Red Sox and the hated Yankess.
8:15 - Me, House, Jay-Bug and the rest of the Goonies were circle jerking each other the other day while watching Good Will Hunting when House asked if there was a better team then the 2004 Red Sox. We all said the 2007 Red Sox.
8:20 - Tim McCarver is dumn (insert typical dumn McCarver quote).
8:30 - Second pitch is hit and the Red Sox are on base. It's in the bag. I'm already preparing to write "Now I can Die In Peace II, Electric Boogaloo."
8:45 - My dad called me after the Red Sox scored their first run, "hey son, I'm not your real dad, by the way, go Sox".
9:00 - "THIS IS OUR COOOOUNTRY."
9:14 - My wife comes in all mad at something, I don't know why, maybe I'll give her her own crappy article to write that no one will read in my colums on ESPN.com. By the way, did you know that I'm a Boston Red Sox fan?
9:20 - Boston 2, St. Louis - 0. I know that St. Louis isn't in the world series, it's just that I don't any other team other than Boston and the Evil Empire.
9:25 - I would f**k Jason Varitek on my coffee table right now with Big Papi's c**k in my mouth.
9:40 - (some stupid anecdote about some shitty reality TV show on MTV that no 30 year old should be watching).
9:45 - (Name drop about a celebrity that he knows).
9:50 - Tom Brady is dreamy - Red Sox 2, White Sox - 0.
You get the idea.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
28 comments:
That's really good!
I love Simmons. I am a Red Sox fan, but he is really funny too. You have to take everything he says with a grain of salt, but he does have some neat insights about sports in general.
And you can't tell me that Mellonball's "Our Country" song doesn't suck donkey c*ck. It's the only commercial guaranteed to make me change the channel no matter what's happening in the game. Without fail.
I would gladly pour the gasoline on Joan Cougar Melonbush (tip of the hat to Bob & Tom there) and strike the match as revenge for that song being inflicted upon my psyche.
I think the only way you could be a Bill Simmons fan is if your a Boston fan, and that's about it. firejaymariotti.com made a good point on how Bill Simmons must be the most hated writer on ESPN.com because his posts are the only one without a comment box (I'm surprised Jemele Hill's does). I really used to like Bill (even as a Yankee fan) but then he started writing the same shit over and over again and started to take pot shots at Indy teams without fear of retrobrutions (sp) or any semblence of reasoning, only because they beat his beloved teams. I really started hating him last year when when he became a bitter Pats fan when Indy beat them. He did not give Indy ANY credit for coming back and sounded like a drunken Sully at the end of a Boston bar. He stopped with the insights and began with the Boston pom-pomming and the cheap shots. I just wish ESPN.com would actually hire someone not in Boston or in L.A. Like, the midwest, to counter Bill.
He started going down hill when Boston teams started winning.
I whole heartedly agree that Mellonhead's song sucks complete ass (as does Mellonbush) even before they started cramming it down our throats. It's just a typical thing that Simmons puts in his diaries.
...please where can I buy a unicorn?
sois derechos, esto es puntual http://nuevascarreras.com/ cialis genericos Appositamente registrata presso il forum per dirvi molto per il vostro sostegno. comprar cialis original qmitxjwswc [url=http://www.mister-wong.es/user/COMPRARCIALIS/comprar-viagra/]viagra cialis[/url]
usa and canada same sex dating sites [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]dating for married[/url] danish dating sites http://loveepicentre.com/ world of warcraft singles
heart vine spoonful [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/sublingual-viagra.htm]sublingual viagra[/url] drugs used to increase chances of pregnancy in cattle http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/gums.htm heart crane the poet http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/arimidex.htm
poret andrew h iii md medical board tennessee [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/dulcolax.htm]dulcolax[/url] gama home health products maui hawaii [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/lithium-carbonate.htm]sleeping workers[/url]
healthy loss per week weight [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/seroquel.htm]seroquel[/url] history of alternative medicine http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/avandia.htm what is norgestimate pill http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/f.htm
how to prevent smoking fires [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/generic-motrin.htm]generic motrin[/url] health trapped gas bloating causes [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/hipnoterapia.htm]central pattaya dental clinic[/url]
http://poow.in/levodopa/entacapone-and-levodopa-and-adverse-report
[url=http://poow.in/tramadol/computer-tramadol]drug name cosept[/url] cialis denavir flonase myonlinemeds biz [url=http://poow.in/levitra/levitra-bestellen]levitra bestellen[/url]
drug use in australian teens http://poow.in/geodon/geodon-effectiveness
[url=http://poow.in/lamictal/not-taking-lamictal-for-a-day]rexall banff pharmacy[/url] does alcohol show up on a drug test [url=http://poow.in/methylsulfonylmethane]methylsulfonylmethane[/url]
drug classificationsgames for nursing students http://poow.in/labetalol/read-up-on-labetalol
[url=http://poow.in/revia/ron-revia]arizona drug laws[/url] the effects of drugs and alcohol [url=http://poow.in/risedronate/calcium-replacement-alternatives-to-risedronate-sodium]calcium replacement alternatives to risedronate sodium[/url] prescription drugs allegra [url=http://poow.in/rimonabant/rimonabant-and-liver-disease]rimonabant and liver disease[/url]
auto auction services http://automotoportal.in/maserati/how-much-profit-is-made-on-a-maserati cabrio backseats fold how volkswagen
[url=http://automotoportal.in/peugeot/peugeot-306-wiring]volkswagen glove box repair[/url] emergency lights for automobile [url=http://automotoportal.in/seat]seat[/url]
mercedes c300 reviews http://automotoportal.in/volkswagen/changing-volkswagen-glow-pugs
[url=http://automotoportal.in/royce/price-guide-for-vintage-rolls-royce]volkswagen passat 2002[/url] auto exchange in virginia [url=http://automotoportal.in/mini-auto/mini-cooper-dealerships-tampa]mini cooper dealerships tampa[/url]
automobile insurance comparisons http://automotoportal.in/porsche/preowned-porsche
[url=http://automotoportal.in/ktm/ktm-50-part-numbers]automobile classification[/url] kennison racing [url=http://automotoportal.in/lotus/lotus-blade-of-the-secret-monkey-village]lotus blade of the secret monkey village[/url]
auto model repair report http://autoexpress.in/panoz/panoz/school volkswagen bug sale
[url=http://autoexpress.in/scion/scion/tc/reviews]volkswagen golf service manual[/url] hedrick automobile columbus oh [url=http://autoexpress.in/saab/saab/international]saab international[/url]
average cost for auto repairs http://autoexpress.in/mercedes/new/mercedes/cars/in/australia
[url=http://autoexpress.in/porsche/porsche/944/rear/wiper/motor]volkswagen jetta gli[/url] automobile toscana [url=http://autoexpress.in/peugeot/how/to/bypass/peugeot/speedfight/immobiliser/faults]how to bypass peugeot speedfight immobiliser faults[/url]
american automobile asso ga http://autoexpress.in/motors/used/honda/boat/motors
[url=http://autoexpress.in/buick/bill/gray/buick]automobile suspension systems[/url] grand theft auto san andreas hot coffee cheat codes [url=http://autoexpress.in/saturn/saturn/of/antelope/valley]saturn of antelope valley[/url]
johnson auto http://autoexpress.in/pontiac/ames/pontiac rebuilt engines volkswagen new
[url=http://autoexpress.in/opel/opel/dealerships/sa]class action lawsuits against capitol one auto[/url] volkswagen notch back [url=http://autoexpress.in/saturn/royal/doulton/minton/saturn]royal doulton minton saturn[/url]
helmet automobile http://autoexpress.in/racing/good/luck/charms/in/racing/and/showing/horses
[url=http://autoexpress.in/plymouth/northridge/church/on/teritorial/in/plymouth/michigan]todd auto body[/url] leasing mercedes cars [url=http://autoexpress.in/rover/image/mars/rover/spirit]image mars rover spirit[/url]
used auto racing transport trailers http://autoexpress.in/scooter/adiva/3/wheel/scooter
[url=http://autoexpress.in/bugatti/messier/bugatti]mercedes marc 1[/url] discount mercedes benz parts [url=http://autoexpress.in/maybach/maybach/dealers]maybach dealers[/url]
euphoria calvin klein http://topcitystyle.com/roberto-cavalli-long-sleeve-button-down-blouse--item156.html bridal party shoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/dark-brown-women-color231.html]merrill shoes[/url] fashion illustration
http://topcitystyle.com/gucci-leather-shoes-for-women-black-item2478.html trash to fashion outfits [url=http://topcitystyle.com/white-black-underwear-color18.html]opinions about best shoes for women[/url]
discount automobile insurance http://carautonews.in/auto-and/auto-timing-light how to make windows 98 auto logon
[url=http://carautonews.in/dodge-com/snethkamp-dodge]ohio wholesale auto[/url] automobile distributor [url=http://carautonews.in/automobile/automobile-industry-information]automobile industry information[/url]
auto auction website http://carautonews.in/audi/audi-squeak-noise-in-front-of-car-when-shifting
[url=http://carautonews.in/dodge-com/winch-bumper-dodge]willis knight automobile photos[/url] american automobile association home [url=http://carautonews.in/auto-and/auto-reviews-and-maintenance]auto reviews and maintenance[/url]
cycle rack for mercedes e class http://carautonews.in/car-racing/owen-county-indiana-racing-sports
[url=http://carautonews.in/automobile/ireland-trip-planner-automobile]volkswagen passat 2002[/url] florida automobile accidents [url=http://carautonews.in/bikes/bmw-cafe-bikes]bmw cafe bikes[/url]
fresh hentai http://planetofporn.in/adult-pic/sexy-adult-underware
[url=http://planetofporn.in/hcg-oral/oral-b-triumph-with-smartguide]li4u live tv porn[/url] musical dildo [url=http://planetofporn.in/blowjob/diddylicious-blowjob-video]diddylicious blowjob video[/url]
dildo pictures http://planetofporn.in/adult-xxx/free-adult-booty
[url=http://planetofporn.in/bdsm/bdsm-tied-up]funny adult emoticon[/url] sexy amature girls [url=http://planetofporn.in/adult-movie/funny-adult-posters]funny adult posters[/url]
tube bending lubricants chicago http://planetofporn.in/blowjob/she-gave-me-a-blowjob
[url=http://planetofporn.in/condom/how-to-fuck-a-dildo]adult bareback sites[/url] adult sites with hentai [url=http://planetofporn.in/bdsm/british-bdsm]british bdsm[/url]
sexy girl aberdeen http://planetofporn.in/adult-story/mobile-adult-videos
[url=http://planetofporn.in/adult-stories/adult-only-clothing-optional-resorts-new-england]adult male circumcised penis photos[/url] somali sexy teen girls [url=http://planetofporn.in/adult-pic/adult-binky]adult binky[/url]
free porn gallery mpeg http://pornrapidshare.in/modelos-teen
[url=http://pornrapidshare.in/vagina/vagina-ph-balance]xxx dog fucking woman free clips[/url] junkslut porn [url=http://pornrapidshare.in/vibrators/robo-bunny-vibrator]robo bunny vibrator[/url]
adult sexy uniforms http://pornrapidshare.in/teen-high/supereme-court-overturned-teen-sex-offender
[url=http://pornrapidshare.in/virgin/virgin-mary-had-a-baby-boy-lyrics]food grade lubricant[/url] where is water an essential lubricant [url=http://pornrapidshare.in/toon/tit-milk-toon]tit milk toon[/url]
sexy pencil drawing enud http://pornrapidshare.in/virgin/free-young-teen-virgin-lolitas
[url=http://pornrapidshare.in/tv-xxx/xxx-drugged-rape]free adult videos and clips[/url] funny adult christmas cards [url=http://pornrapidshare.in/pre-teen/young-teen-gay-boy-porn]young teen gay boy porn[/url]
female orgasm anal squirting adult site http://pornrapidshare.in/tit/tiny-tit-lesbian
[url=http://pornrapidshare.in/tits/big-tits-long-nipples-free-pics]teen titans hentai comix karbo[/url] dildo huge huge [url=http://pornrapidshare.in/small-tits/big-tits-round-asses-3-dvd]big tits round asses 3 dvd[/url]
why some people enjoy anal sex http://theporncollection.in/mature-woman
[url=http://theporncollection.in/orgasm/pictures-orgasm-best-positions]amateur lolita[/url] anal splincter [url=http://theporncollection.in/best-porn/hot-moms-teacher-porn]hot moms teacher porn[/url]
xxx lolitas porn films http://theporncollection.in/mature-woman/vanessa-mature
[url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-boy/gay-and-ocd]anal sex information[/url] how to get ready for anal sex [url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-anal/gay-hentai-yaoi]gay hentai yaoi[/url]
adult shop ryde http://theporncollection.in/gay-xxx/mature-free-gay-videos
[url=http://theporncollection.in/lesbian-sex/lesbian-sex-storie]amateur masturbat[/url] anal smut free thumbnail [url=http://theporncollection.in/best-porn/drunk-porn-glory-hole-porn]drunk porn glory hole porn[/url]
martins mrs amateur videos http://theporncollection.in/lesbian-xxx/big-black-lesbian-booty
[url=http://theporncollection.in/hentai-porn/kenshin-doujinshi-scans-hentai]youtube for adult videos[/url] cute adult diapers [url=http://theporncollection.in/porn-girl/free-jenna-jameson-xxxx-porn]free jenna jameson xxxx porn[/url]
tennessee mobile homes http://www.orderphonetoday.com/a521-quad-band-dual-card-with-analog-tv-java--item21.html critical issues mobile phone operators [url=http://www.orderphonetoday.com/p660-windows-6-1-quad-band-with-wifi-gps-java--item45.html]cam and cad in mobile production[/url] spy mobile equipment
little virgin schoolboy photos http://xwe.in/shemale/shemale-henti
[url=http://xwe.in/oral/sexo-oral-imagenes]sexy schoolgirl clips[/url] means sexy underwear [url=http://xwe.in/blowjob/teen-giving-blowjob]teen giving blowjob[/url]
free homemade adult sex films http://xwe.in/fetish/smoking-fetish-videos-milf
[url=http://xwe.in/adult-video]adult maltese pics[/url] stephen king young adult fantasy [url=http://xwe.in/toon/big-boobs-toon]big boobs toon[/url]
jamie foxworth porn http://xwe.in/adult-xxx/adult-trish-stratus
[url=http://xwe.in/nylon/nylon-shooting-bag]amateur female orgasmic clips[/url] free xxx videos sex [url=http://xwe.in/archive-adult/easyrider-stroller-for-adult]easyrider stroller for adult[/url]
super princess peach hentai series http://xwe.in/adult-xxx/adult-masturbate
[url=http://xwe.in/thongs/granny-thongs]adult gaithersburg discrete[/url] sexy jail bait [url=http://xwe.in/adult-xxx/dressup-dolls-adult]dressup dolls adult[/url]
health insurance international student travel links http://xwa.in/adventure/adventure-outfitters travel with tuareg tribe
[url=http://xwa.in/disneyland/disneyland-building]travel booking websites[/url] travel fhtm [url=http://xwa.in/tourist/tourist-visa-from-india-to-us]tourist visa from india to us[/url]
amtrak travel codes http://xwa.in/tours/escorted-tours-turkey
[url=http://xwa.in]all inclusive travel from calgary[/url] global citizen travel [url=http://xwa.in/vacation-packages/antigua-vacation-package]antigua vacation package[/url]
rainbow travel trailer http://xwa.in/maps/royalty-free-maps gwinn travel [url=http://xwa.in/tourism/tourism-and-museums]tourism and museums[/url]
frisco kid movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-black-august-movie/11288database/]Black August Movie[/url] private collection share x rated movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-octopussy--roger-moore-/30028database/]Octopussy (Roger Moore)[/url]
where i get full movie download real free movies [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-truth-documentaries-holohaux-jews--mexicans-etc/30255database/]Truth Documentaries Holohaux Jews, Mexicans Etc[/url] el cid the movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-aliens-vs-predator-requiem/13820database/]Aliens Vs Predator Requiem[/url]
the titians movie actors [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-beck-gamen/9402database/]Beck Gamen[/url] movie and what the bleep do we know [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-the-pallisers--volume-i-----1-and-2-/9407database/]The Pallisers (Volume I )- (1 And 2)[/url]
movie cars [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-roma-2x10-/17804database/]Roma 2x10 [/url] anne of green gables the movie [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-the-fifth-element/5499database/]The Fifth Element[/url]
tennessee health insurance dependent status [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/levothroid.htm]levothroid[/url] emotional eating depression http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/methotrexate.htm
generic lipitor [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/french-red-wine.htm]french red wine[/url] smoking weight loss [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/indocin.htm ]triple x negative breast cancer [/url] massage therapy and muscle memory
minorities in medical school [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/lioresal.htm]lioresal[/url] how to smok a turkey breast http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/casodex.htm
traing to be health care assistant [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/testimonials.htm]testimonials[/url] louisiana mental health advocacy service [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/#second ]canadian pharmacy that sells without a prescription [/url] qigong and public health
gucci sunglasses http://luxefashion.us/-short-men-category63.html emo clothes [url=http://luxefashion.us/52-sport-zip-jacket-and-pants-size3.html]chanel tote grande[/url] where to buy croc shoes in mexico city
http://luxefashion.us/killah-women-s-tops-brand24.html designer maternity clothes [url=http://luxefashion.us/white-navy-blue-dolce-amp-gabbana-color75.html]replica designer handbag wholesalers[/url]
michigan web designer http://www.thefashionhouse.us/moncler-tops-shirts-with-colar-brand113.html forced in womens clothes [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/s-on-sale-size10.html]wide width shoes[/url] pedini dance shoes
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/28-gucci-size18.html zappo shoes [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/women-tunic-type3.html]quality designer hats at wholesale prices[/url]
lg elec clothes dryer http://www.thefashionhouse.us/jackets-amp-sweatshirts-dolce-amp-gabbana-category10.html space fashion [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/burgundy-sport-zip-jacket-and-pants-color81.html]lrg fashion[/url] bragano shoes
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/blue-casual-shirts-color32.html discount designer [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/outwear-men-category8.html]fashion design classes dallas[/url]
william hill bingo http://xwn.in/slots_online-slots-spil minnesota state lottery powerball
[url=http://xwn.in/lottery_your-email-id-has-won-the-2007-uk-microsoft-lottery]greektown casino new parking garage[/url] windows blackjack activesync driver [url=http://xwn.in/lottery_virginia-lottery-mega-millions-home-page]virginia lottery mega millions home page[/url]
lottery winner jack http://xwn.in/online-casino_four-bears-casino
[url=http://xwn.in/slots_reel-king-slots]australian lottery scam[/url] southponte hotel casino and spa las vegas [url=http://xwn.in/casino-playing-cards_geographical-playing-cards]geographical playing cards[/url]
south carolina casinos http://xwn.in/gambling-online_gambling-methods red rock casino nev [url=http://xwn.in/lottery_winning-daily-lottery]winning daily lottery[/url]
free bingo sites for real cash http://wqm.in/bingo_renae-from-bingo samsung blackjack ii software downloads
[url=http://wqm.in/online-casinos_the-effect-of-casinos-in-oklahoma]blackjack casino game internet casino[/url] find lucky lottery numbers [url=http://wqm.in/slot_agp-slot]agp slot[/url]
lottery scams from canada http://wqm.in/casino-playing-cards_jumbo-playing-cards
[url=http://wqm.in/lottery_florida-lottery-payment-field-office]gambling glossary[/url] cchumash casino [url=http://wqm.in/joker_joker-tattoo]joker tattoo[/url]
online gambling uk http://wqm.in/online-casino_casino-connecut mississippi gulf coast casinos [url=http://wqm.in/lottery_template-to-print-number-s-on-bottom-of-lottery-calendars]template to print number s on bottom of lottery calendars[/url]
movie soundtrack formula 51 [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_night_the_world_exploded/]the night the world exploded[/url] free movie licking pussy http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_italian_job_70/ movie description search
divx movie bootleg [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_suitable_for_murder/]suitable for murder[/url] movie high voltage http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_bourne_supremacy/ egyptian movie
movie to hawaii [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_rocky_balboa/]rocky balboa[/url] soundtrack for movie goya in bordeaux
cable movie tc grid [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_jim_gaffigan_king_baby/]jim gaffigan king baby[/url] columbus drive end movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_final_move/ movie trailer shall we dance
movie sayings [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_war_at_home/]the war at home[/url] japanese staged rape movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_postman_always_rings_twice/ rugrats in paris the movie trailer
free hot mini micro bikinis adult tetris wet pussy high definition free gay women in mi danish porn free adult dating swingers per gay henati free non-subscription ebony taylor stevens tits
Post a Comment