Since Boston is about to win the world series that means all of ESPN.com is about to explode with stories, articles and nonsensical Boston BS. One of the lead writers on ESPN is Bill (I only got this job because I'm a Boston sports fan) Simmons. He is probably the biggest Boston homer they have on the web page, he also makes fun of Indy sports teams waaaay too much (see "the Manning face"). He goes out of his way to do so contantly, even this year with the Colts. Since ESPN has only Jay Mariotti representing the midwest (seriously, look it up, 7 Boston writers for 3 teams, 1 midwest writer for a shitload of midwest teams) I thought I would make a typical mock diary of Bill Simmons for tonights inevitable Boston win.
8:00 - We come at you live for game five of the world series with Boston battling, um, some team from Colorado, seriously, does Colorado have a team? I only know the Red Sox and the hated Yankess.
8:15 - Me, House, Jay-Bug and the rest of the Goonies were circle jerking each other the other day while watching Good Will Hunting when House asked if there was a better team then the 2004 Red Sox. We all said the 2007 Red Sox.
8:20 - Tim McCarver is dumn (insert typical dumn McCarver quote).
8:30 - Second pitch is hit and the Red Sox are on base. It's in the bag. I'm already preparing to write "Now I can Die In Peace II, Electric Boogaloo."
8:45 - My dad called me after the Red Sox scored their first run, "hey son, I'm not your real dad, by the way, go Sox".
9:00 - "THIS IS OUR COOOOUNTRY."
9:14 - My wife comes in all mad at something, I don't know why, maybe I'll give her her own crappy article to write that no one will read in my colums on ESPN.com. By the way, did you know that I'm a Boston Red Sox fan?
9:20 - Boston 2, St. Louis - 0. I know that St. Louis isn't in the world series, it's just that I don't any other team other than Boston and the Evil Empire.
9:25 - I would f**k Jason Varitek on my coffee table right now with Big Papi's c**k in my mouth.
9:40 - (some stupid anecdote about some shitty reality TV show on MTV that no 30 year old should be watching).
9:45 - (Name drop about a celebrity that he knows).
9:50 - Tom Brady is dreamy - Red Sox 2, White Sox - 0.
You get the idea.