Saturday, July 19, 2008

Best Movies That I Could Only Watch Once

There are movies out there that are so good, so powerful and so fucking depressing that you can only view it once. If you view more than that your either into self abuse or you really like watching depressing movies. If you've seen these movies more than once.....seek help.

Schindler's List (1993)

Why It's So Good: A powerful drama chronicling the plight of the Jews during the second world war where a womenizing, inept business man saves the lives of thousands of Jews. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes (robbed by the academy) do great acting jobs. Hell, I was even able to put up with Ben Kingsley's for the entire thing.

Why You Can Only Watch It Once: Well, between the numerous executions and the horrendous living environment and the war torn scenery, oh and the one kid that decided he would rather jump to the bottom floor of an outhouse rather than go anywhere near a Nazi makes it pretty gosh darn depressing. Then there is the Kristal Nacht scene.

Gallipoli (1981)

Why It's So Good: Shows the brutality that was WWI. Chronicles the Battle of Sulva Bay between August 1915 and January 1916. Not trying to make light of the current Iraq War but the death toll is now at 4100 dead American soldiers since 2002. The Battle of Sulva bay cost the allies 250,000 in less than 6 months, chew on that for a while. The movie was very well acted and shows a young pre crazy Mel Gibson. Though overly simplistic (and inaccurate) in showing the British as uncaring assholes it was still well made.

Why You Can Only Wiew It Once: The brutal violence. When charging the Turks roughly zero Australians and New Zealanders make it anywhere near their lines, cut down my machine gun fire as soon as they come up from their trenches. Knowing that everyone that charges is not coming back makes viewing the movie excrutiating.


Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Why It's So Good: It's not really all that good. Playing a drunk guy is about as challenging as beating up your grandma in an MMA match so I have no idea why the academy thought Nicholas Cage deserved to win. Plus shouldn't you be less symphthetic to a dumb ass who decides to drink himself to death? I did enjoy Cage dancing in the grocery store with a shitload of liqour in his shopping cart.

Why You Can Only View It Once: Three words: anal rape scene. Nothing like getting beaten up then analy raped by a bunch of asshole frat guys, getting shit from the cabby on the ride home, doing the penquin walk all the way to your apartment where you're thrown out by your land lady. Then the kicker, crying naked in the shower with a trail of blood coming from your tuckus. That five minute span of the movie was seared into my head. And I didn't even touch the drunken, depressing Cage scenes. After viewing this movie I went looking for a bar to drink heavily to forget I saw it. Didn't work, I still remember the damn thing.

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Why It's So Good: Shows a pre horrifically annoying family friendly Robin Williams in a movie about teenagers coming to grips with.....something.

Why You Can Only View It Once: The ending. Nothing like a good suicide scene to brighten up your day. "Hey dad, I really like acting, I really feel like myself." "Forget it, no son of mine is going to be a faggot actor." "Fine I'll go commit suicide now." "OHHHH NOOOO, MY SON!!! WHY??! I'm going to blame Mrs. Doubtfire for this!!!" Then the whole "Captain, my Captain" standing on chairs thing at the end, could only get through that thing once.

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Why It's So Good: Shows the brutality of WWII in such detail that war veterans actually got shell shock sitting in the theater. The Normady beach landing will probably go down as the best war scene of all time narrowly beating out the castle storming scene in Army Of Darkness. So unbelievably real and well acted that it deserved best picture, oh right, Shakespeare in Love got that. What a bunch of shit. Even though it looked like it only took a couple of minutes to reach the beachheads at Normady in actuality it took nearly 9 hours, countless lives and shitloads more brutal than portrayed. So Speilburg actually "lightened up" on the brutality.

Why You Can Only View It Once: The beach scene alone was hard enough to get through with arms and legs and torsos flying all over the place. Mix in a bunch of screaming and Vin Diesel and you got yourself hard film to watch. Not to mention the end where almost everyone dies saving Bawston Matt only for him to go home and be the drunk asshole at Fenway Park screaming "wicked" and "Nomaaar".

Black Hawk Down (2001)

Why It's So Good: Same as Saving Private Ryan, brutal, honest, well acted.

Why You Can Only View It Once: Two soldiers sacrifice their lives to save a fellow downed helicopter pilot with no hope of reinforcements. They get killed holding off an ambush, get stripped and their bodies are drug through the streets. This is like one of the many brutal scenes in the movie. It just kept coming for two hours. Also funny to see anti American activities and America sticking their heads in another countries' business during the Clinton administration, I thought that started when Bush came into office. Weird.

3 comments:

Godfather Weilhammer said...

Hahahaha...well done. I especially agree with the Private Ryan. Jesus, "have I lived a good life?" and then the movie ends. Hey pawp, fack you and die so Aye can get ya wicked rich money!

John-O said...

I could watch it again, but I suspect most people could only stomach one viewing of Requiem For A Dream. Most disturbing movie I've ever seen, and that's saying something.

Michael Maier said...

I agree with Schindler's List, for mostly the same reasons.

I agree on Private Ryan, but only because the movie absolutely blows after the Normandy scenes. And it's at least one hour too long.

I don't know that I would watch The Passion again. It was more brutal to me than Private Ryan. (And that was before I was saved.)