I thought I would drop my unwanted $0.02 into Beer Cans Movie inquiry.
What is the first film you ever saw?
According to my parents Star Wars. I was a wee two year old sitting on my dad's lap and according to them I was mesmerized the entire film, which explains a lot about me today. But the first movie I remember going to was The Black Stallion. There is even a picture of my sitting on top of a black horse outside the movie theater before the film. I'm sure the poor horse made an unwanted trip to the glue factory afterwards.
What is your favorite movie of all time?
Empire Strikes Back. It has everything; romance, bromance, spaceships, action, comedy, drama, fantasy and the best plot twist EVAR. Just too damn good. Some crap movie, Ordinary People, won the best picture that year. Biggest piece of crap movie I've ever seen. Crap.
What is your favorite line in a film?
"I thought they smelled bad...on the outside!"
What film made you realize that film was an art?
Chariots of Fire. Really showing my age here. But this was the first film that while it was over my head when I was 7 years old, I still enjoyed the music (Vangelis, baby!) and the direction. I thought it was a beautiful piece of cinema.
(Tie) Never Cry Wolf. Can't get out of the 80's. This was a GREAT film, underrated in my own notsohumble opinion. Contrary to popular belief I'm a huge fan of the environment (I just hate enviro zealots, especially the ones from suburbia and Hollywood) and this film showcases how beautiful yet unbelievably harsh/deadly/unforgiving the environment can be and shows how human can screw up such a tranquil place.
What movie do you consider your guilty pleasure?
I would say Roadhouse but I don't feel guilty about liking it, so Flash Gordon it is. Pretty awful movie when you think about it but I still love watching it even to this day.
Who is your favorite movie character of all time?
Tyler Durden - Fight Club. There are days I wish I had the chutzpah of a Tyler Durden, do things just to break out of my suburban existence (without harming others, of course). I would love to pee in Al Gore's soup and topple the Apple corporation. Hey, I love my ipod and macbook but seriously, they are the devil.
What is your favorite movie snack food.
Popcorn, derr. Of course it would be beer if it were sold at a conventional movie theater, but some a-hole decided to shut down Hollywood Bar and Filmworks.
Who is your favorite director of all time?
Dude, tough question. (Keith Olbermann sigh) I would have to say David Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en, Curious Case Of Not Giving A Shit) because the guy has a way of making movies with crappy scripts work (see Alien 3 and Panic Room). That and I like his style. I have yet to see Curious Case just because I really don't like Brad Pitt anymore. Then I would have to say Martin Scorsese. The guy can flat out direct. Goodfellas, Casino, Raging Bull and my personal favorite Kundun. Top notch solid films, he has a great way of transporting you to the era he's filming. Then there are the Cohen Brothers...fuck it, they are my favorite of all time. I forget which one directs but he is tits.
Who is the most impressive filmmaker working today?
Another tough question because I rarely watch new movies anymore, and the "independent" movies are all crap, unless you like lib/socialist themes mixed with anti Catholicism/Christianity/Conservative views mixed in with pro environmentalism. But I would have to say the dude who directed Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth. Del Toro? Too lazy to look up how to spell his name. Then Edgar Wright, the dude behind Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Awesome, hilarious movies.
What quality do the best directors share?
Actors are complete numb skulls and childish so whoever can wrangle their egos in while making a decent movie is a top notch director in my mind.
Who is your favorite actor/actress of all time?
Alex Guinness. Hands down. Others? Harrison Ford (pre 1990), Gary Oldman, Tim Roth, Liam Neeson, Helena Carter, Ewan McGregor, Ruth Gordon, Maggie Smith. There are other but I can't think of them.
Who would you cast in a film about your life?
A shorter overweight version of Eric Stoltz.
If I could remake one movie...
All the Star Wars prequels. Seriously George...
I never wanna watch a movie with...
Anybody who regularly darkens the Godfather's movie theater doors.
The perfect movie is...
According to me it has to be from the 80's.
Showing posts with label Movies rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies rant. Show all posts
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Movies I Was Pleasantly Surprised With
There are some movies that I really just don't want to see, I have no interest, they look really lame, or they star director/writers/actors that I don't care for. The following movies are the ones I was pleasantly surprised with.
Rules of Attraction (2002)
Why I Didn't want to see it: After seeing American Psycho I immediatley wanted to take a shower, then I was afraid that Patrick Bateman would storm into my bathroom and fillet me like a hooker. I didn't take a shower for a couple of days. I put two and two together and realized the same author who wrote American Psycho wrote Rules of Attraction starring James Van Der Beek (Don't have the effort to look up the correct spelling of his name) which is another reason I didn't want to see it.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: The acting of the cast including Sean Bateman (there, I'll just use his character name)was top notch. I was pretty shocked that the same lame ass that starred in Dawson's Creek where he stares across a creek for hours on end wondering if he should have pulled out did a bang up job as a self absorbed trust fund drunk/druggie a-hole. Not only that, there is something about watching rich people self destruct, it's hypnotizing. The script was also great, I was amused by the little one liners thrown about. Not only that it's one of those movies where the auxillary characters (Richard, I mean Dick) are pretty amusing and/or scary as hell.
Funny Note: Fred Savage's brother plays a junkie a little toooo well.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Naw, but still pretty good.
Eastern Promises (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I promised myself after sitting through Return of the King that I would never see another Viggo Mortensen movie ever again. The guy is so method it's creepy, I wonder if he went home after shooting was done to hump his sword. But after he started tea bagging the U.N. and using simplistic slogans for complex world issues like: "No blood for oil" I really started getting annoyed with him.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: He was the second best thing in the movie. His acting was phenominal (Oscar nod anyone? Did he get one? I didn't watch the Oscars too intently this year) and I was even able to keep down the 10 beers I consumed during the bath house knife fight scene (he was buck naked with his wee wee flopping around like a wind sock). But the movie centered around something near and dear to my heart, the mob. I know the mob sucks and they are scum but man are they interesting (See: Henry Hill, Lefty Rosenthal). But he portrays a Russian mobster, IN LONDON. So all my bases were covered, takes place in London (big british film fan), about mobsters (tight!), Russian mobsters (tighter!), great script (euphoria!), great directing (I need a cigarette).
Funny Note: John-O's review of the movie actually got me to see it. Though I don't think this country sucks, too bad.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Absolutely.
Clerks II (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: Exhibit 1) Jersey Girl, Exhibit 2) Dogma, Exhibit 3) The last half of Chasing Amy. Kevin Smith really went downhill after Chasing Amy (redeemed himself a little with Jay and Silent Bob strike back, kinda). His special little nerd gen x apathy magic seemed to run out since he now owns half of Jersey, the other half being owned by Bruce Springstein. Clerks II seemed to be his way of cashing in on his former success, like his heros George Lucas and Steven Speilburg.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Smith stuck with the formula that made Clerks successful, all Randall all the time, with only limited amounts of Jay and Silent Bob and a shitload of juvenile humor. Though it was hard for me to imagine anyone looking like Dante could ever weasel his way into bed with anyone that looked like Rosario Dawson I thought the film was hilarious.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Right.
Funny Note: I guess Jay is clean now.
No Country For Old Men (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: After Oh Brother Where Art Thou the Coens went with Intolerable Cruelty (sucked) and a remake of a classic (The Lady Killers, which was so so). The Coens also got caught in the gravitational pull that is George Clooney which means any movie with him will ultimately suck, but the money is great. So I figured they were going the way of TMZ and leaving their quirky little movies behind.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Anton Chigurn is probably the best bad guy since Darth Vader, bolt statement I know plus what really stood out for me was the directing, almost flawless. Even Woody Harrelson was tolerable and there was no George Clooney in sight.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Yes, thankfully it won, but Crash won last year which has me wondering if this is actually an honor anymore.
Funny Note: Burn After Reading looks really shitty.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Why I DIdn't Want To See It: When people drop the smack as Robert Downey, Jr did they usually become awful or unfunny (see: Robin Williams, Miles Davis, Metallica, Chevy Chase, practically everyone). That and Val Kilmer looks pretty...odd, I mean, everyone ages but when someone from Hollywood ages it looks almost comical, like they think they can get away with drinking/drugging heavily and somehow botox and plastic surgery will make it better. In a few years I wonder if the corners of Val's lips will meet at the back of his head.
Why I was Pleasantly Surprised: Downey did a great job as did Kilmer. The script was very imaginative and the film is very self depricating, I wish more of Hollywood films were like this. I noticed that it didn't matter whether or not Downey trips balls he's still a great actor, though I thought Chaplin was a little heavy handed.
Oscar Worthy: Nah
Funny Note: Nothing really to note.
A Scanner Darkly (2005)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I thought the rotoscoping thing would annoy the hell out of me, but it didn't. The movie also starred Woody Harrelson and Wynona Rider, both a huge pox on acting. I don't mind Keanu Reeves for some reason.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: I should know that anything from a Philip K. Dick book is worth watching, with exception to Screamers.
Oscar Worthy: Maybe for Downey, Jr.
Funny Note: It took longer to animate (18 months) then it did to shoot (23 days)
Rules of Attraction (2002)
Why I Didn't want to see it: After seeing American Psycho I immediatley wanted to take a shower, then I was afraid that Patrick Bateman would storm into my bathroom and fillet me like a hooker. I didn't take a shower for a couple of days. I put two and two together and realized the same author who wrote American Psycho wrote Rules of Attraction starring James Van Der Beek (Don't have the effort to look up the correct spelling of his name) which is another reason I didn't want to see it.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: The acting of the cast including Sean Bateman (there, I'll just use his character name)was top notch. I was pretty shocked that the same lame ass that starred in Dawson's Creek where he stares across a creek for hours on end wondering if he should have pulled out did a bang up job as a self absorbed trust fund drunk/druggie a-hole. Not only that, there is something about watching rich people self destruct, it's hypnotizing. The script was also great, I was amused by the little one liners thrown about. Not only that it's one of those movies where the auxillary characters (Richard, I mean Dick) are pretty amusing and/or scary as hell.
Funny Note: Fred Savage's brother plays a junkie a little toooo well.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Naw, but still pretty good.
Eastern Promises (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I promised myself after sitting through Return of the King that I would never see another Viggo Mortensen movie ever again. The guy is so method it's creepy, I wonder if he went home after shooting was done to hump his sword. But after he started tea bagging the U.N. and using simplistic slogans for complex world issues like: "No blood for oil" I really started getting annoyed with him.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: He was the second best thing in the movie. His acting was phenominal (Oscar nod anyone? Did he get one? I didn't watch the Oscars too intently this year) and I was even able to keep down the 10 beers I consumed during the bath house knife fight scene (he was buck naked with his wee wee flopping around like a wind sock). But the movie centered around something near and dear to my heart, the mob. I know the mob sucks and they are scum but man are they interesting (See: Henry Hill, Lefty Rosenthal). But he portrays a Russian mobster, IN LONDON. So all my bases were covered, takes place in London (big british film fan), about mobsters (tight!), Russian mobsters (tighter!), great script (euphoria!), great directing (I need a cigarette).
Funny Note: John-O's review of the movie actually got me to see it. Though I don't think this country sucks, too bad.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Absolutely.
Clerks II (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: Exhibit 1) Jersey Girl, Exhibit 2) Dogma, Exhibit 3) The last half of Chasing Amy. Kevin Smith really went downhill after Chasing Amy (redeemed himself a little with Jay and Silent Bob strike back, kinda). His special little nerd gen x apathy magic seemed to run out since he now owns half of Jersey, the other half being owned by Bruce Springstein. Clerks II seemed to be his way of cashing in on his former success, like his heros George Lucas and Steven Speilburg.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Smith stuck with the formula that made Clerks successful, all Randall all the time, with only limited amounts of Jay and Silent Bob and a shitload of juvenile humor. Though it was hard for me to imagine anyone looking like Dante could ever weasel his way into bed with anyone that looked like Rosario Dawson I thought the film was hilarious.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Right.
Funny Note: I guess Jay is clean now.
No Country For Old Men (2006)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: After Oh Brother Where Art Thou the Coens went with Intolerable Cruelty (sucked) and a remake of a classic (The Lady Killers, which was so so). The Coens also got caught in the gravitational pull that is George Clooney which means any movie with him will ultimately suck, but the money is great. So I figured they were going the way of TMZ and leaving their quirky little movies behind.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: Anton Chigurn is probably the best bad guy since Darth Vader, bolt statement I know plus what really stood out for me was the directing, almost flawless. Even Woody Harrelson was tolerable and there was no George Clooney in sight.
Oscar Worthy IMHO: Yes, thankfully it won, but Crash won last year which has me wondering if this is actually an honor anymore.
Funny Note: Burn After Reading looks really shitty.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Why I DIdn't Want To See It: When people drop the smack as Robert Downey, Jr did they usually become awful or unfunny (see: Robin Williams, Miles Davis, Metallica, Chevy Chase, practically everyone). That and Val Kilmer looks pretty...odd, I mean, everyone ages but when someone from Hollywood ages it looks almost comical, like they think they can get away with drinking/drugging heavily and somehow botox and plastic surgery will make it better. In a few years I wonder if the corners of Val's lips will meet at the back of his head.
Why I was Pleasantly Surprised: Downey did a great job as did Kilmer. The script was very imaginative and the film is very self depricating, I wish more of Hollywood films were like this. I noticed that it didn't matter whether or not Downey trips balls he's still a great actor, though I thought Chaplin was a little heavy handed.
Oscar Worthy: Nah
Funny Note: Nothing really to note.
A Scanner Darkly (2005)
Why I Didn't Want To See It: I thought the rotoscoping thing would annoy the hell out of me, but it didn't. The movie also starred Woody Harrelson and Wynona Rider, both a huge pox on acting. I don't mind Keanu Reeves for some reason.
Why I Was Pleasantly Surprised: I should know that anything from a Philip K. Dick book is worth watching, with exception to Screamers.
Oscar Worthy: Maybe for Downey, Jr.
Funny Note: It took longer to animate (18 months) then it did to shoot (23 days)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Snakes And Arrows - Live And In My Pants, I Mean, Ipod!
Snakes and Arrows live was released yesterday on Itunes (and I guess at these places called wr--eck--ord stores?). I didn't bother buying the entire album because I really don't feel like a 7th live version of Freewill or YYZ. So I decided to cherry pick songs that I know they haven't performed live before, or haven't performed for a while anyways (Hold Your Fire). So I purchased the following songs: Digital Man, Mission, Entre Nous and Circumstances. I'll at least review these nuggets.
Digital Man - Not a bad version but kind of muddled and slow. I would rather have the studio version if it really came down to it. I've always been a huge fan of this song because this is the closest I've ever heard of Rush getting "funky". Plus, this is the only song I've ever heard them use elements of ska.
Mission - Pretty straight ahead and better than the Show Of Hands version, IMHO. They didn't really tinker with it too much. I was just glad as hell they decided to play it live. Now how about Time Stand Still?
Entre Nous - French for between your thighs or is it gay milkman? I don't know I didn't take French in high school. They have never performed this live....ever, so this was quite a treat. Again, I would rather listen to the original but it wasn't bad. I wasn't a big fan of the tweek they did at the end of the song.
Circumstances - Another song they have never performed live. It's ok, we'll leave it at that. I mean, they are pushing sixty, I should probably cut them some sort of slack.
Other Rush Tidbits
Rush promises to bring some surprises to the Snakes and Arrows shows. They also mention a new studio album after a while.
While going through the online shop at Rush.com I realized that they sell a lot of junk; dog tags, playing cards even a fucking thong. So I thought I would offer a few suggestions to the boys that could help them make some more dough.
1) Alex Lifeson blow up doll (circa 1985 Alex Lifeson) - you ladies like Alex? Who doesn't? Now you can have the ultimate fantasy with your favorite prog rock guitarist. Though this is not a popular as the Geddy Lee blow up doll which can satisfy two ladies at once (nose joke people).
2) Time Stand Still time machine (completion expected around 2900 A.D.) - Tired of feeling old and out of touch, no problem, just hop into the old Time Stand Still time machine to transport you back to the time when rock ruled and rap was nowhere to be seen.
3) The 2008 Red Barchetta - Specs follow the lyrics of this awesome Rush song. Though we have to be honest, it's just a 1980 Camero with a star man logo on the door, and the car needs some work, like, an engine.
4) Out Of The Cradle sipee cup - Now your little bundle of poo and enjoy his milk with style.
5) Rush condoms - Pregnancies usually happen after rock concerts when couples are completely smashed. Now you can prevent that unwanted pregnancy with the official Rush condom. When properly rolled on it stretches out to resemble the classic starman with his arms outstretched shielding himself from your partner (use our imagination). WARNING - may break and has been know to give some really narly rashes.
6) Emotion Detector - Is your love one completely pissed at you? Now you will know! With the official Rush Emotion Detector. No more wondering if you wife is pissed at you for staring at her sister in a lustful way.
7) Available Light night lite - Now you or your kids can feel safe with the warming glow of the official Rush Available Light night lite.
Anyhoo, can't wait to see them on June 25th.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
No Country For Old Farts
Finally got to see this movie last weekend. Oh wait, it's not out on DVD yet? Well, you are right, it's the advantage of having a sister in law who is a manager of a blockbuster store. Anyway thought I would share a few of my thoughts of this film.
-First off I enjoyed it, a lot. Probably the best movie of the year. Truth be told this is the ONLY movie I've seen for 2007. I'm not kidding, I don't get out much.
-Is it me or could you interchange "No Country For Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood" as the title of these two movies? Seriously, no one would bat an eye. Pretty violent flick(s?). I also saw that those two flicks were filming pretty close to each other in West Texas.
-Javier Bardem was just a badass as Chigurn. Great acting job. Actually the whole cast was great, even hippie/douchebag Woody Harrelson. Kind of weird for him to go from this to Semi-Pro. Anybody see that movie yet? Should I waste my time on it?
-Many critics say this is the Coen's best movie. I have to disagree. The best are in this order: 1) Millers Crossing 2) Fargo 3) No Country 4) Big Lewbowski 5) Hudsucker Proxy 6) Raising Arizona 7) Blood Simple...and the rest which I won't mention, you know, because of my last crazy ranting of a post below.
-It kind of drove me nuts that there really no music throughout the entire movie. It drove me nuts during The China Syndrome too. Or was that because it starred Jane Fonda?
-Contrary to popular belief I thought the ending was great, the symbolism in Bell's dreams was very fitting (judgement day, guilt over not protecting the Moss').
-Great directing I have to say, and the cinematography was fabulous.
-Read that when the Coens approached Bardem to do this movie he was quoted as saying, "I can't drive, my English is bad, and I don't like violence." "That's why we called you" the Coens were quoted as saying.
-This was a typical Coen Brother movie. I bet the conversation with the big executives went like this before it was produced.
Execs: So, what is your next project going to be like?
Coens: It's a cross between all our movies, except with less music and humor. Oh, it's based on a book.
Execs: Shit! You know typical people in America don't read! You've read John-O's posts, this could flop dammit!
Coens: Naw, we'll make it real artsy fartsy.
Execs: Sooooooo this could win an Oscar?
Coens: Uh, sure.
Execs: Approved! See you on the stage at the Oscars.
-Something I thought of while watching this film. Many in Hollywood are against the war and violence. Many of them are seen flashing peace signs, participating in U.N. events, and participating in peace marches. Many of them are quoted as saying violence will solve nothing. Well, this years Oscars awarded some very violent flicks, off the top of my head No Country, There Will Be Blood, That Tim Burton flick were nominated for Oscars and they were all ultra violent movies. Also, what do the following people have in common: Martin Sheen, Tim Robbins, Susan Surandon, Natalie Portman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Viggo Mortensen, Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, hell pretty much all of Hollywood? They are all against the war, they are all against violence yet they all star in very violent movies, a lot of them glorify it. This is why I'm down on Hollywood. Not only are they hypocritical with the global warming scam, they are hypocritical on violence. I am seriously becoming a crusty old man.
-First off I enjoyed it, a lot. Probably the best movie of the year. Truth be told this is the ONLY movie I've seen for 2007. I'm not kidding, I don't get out much.
-Is it me or could you interchange "No Country For Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood" as the title of these two movies? Seriously, no one would bat an eye. Pretty violent flick(s?). I also saw that those two flicks were filming pretty close to each other in West Texas.
-Javier Bardem was just a badass as Chigurn. Great acting job. Actually the whole cast was great, even hippie/douchebag Woody Harrelson. Kind of weird for him to go from this to Semi-Pro. Anybody see that movie yet? Should I waste my time on it?
-Many critics say this is the Coen's best movie. I have to disagree. The best are in this order: 1) Millers Crossing 2) Fargo 3) No Country 4) Big Lewbowski 5) Hudsucker Proxy 6) Raising Arizona 7) Blood Simple...and the rest which I won't mention, you know, because of my last crazy ranting of a post below.
-It kind of drove me nuts that there really no music throughout the entire movie. It drove me nuts during The China Syndrome too. Or was that because it starred Jane Fonda?
-Contrary to popular belief I thought the ending was great, the symbolism in Bell's dreams was very fitting (judgement day, guilt over not protecting the Moss').
-Great directing I have to say, and the cinematography was fabulous.
-Read that when the Coens approached Bardem to do this movie he was quoted as saying, "I can't drive, my English is bad, and I don't like violence." "That's why we called you" the Coens were quoted as saying.
-This was a typical Coen Brother movie. I bet the conversation with the big executives went like this before it was produced.
Execs: So, what is your next project going to be like?
Coens: It's a cross between all our movies, except with less music and humor. Oh, it's based on a book.
Execs: Shit! You know typical people in America don't read! You've read John-O's posts, this could flop dammit!
Coens: Naw, we'll make it real artsy fartsy.
Execs: Sooooooo this could win an Oscar?
Coens: Uh, sure.
Execs: Approved! See you on the stage at the Oscars.
-Something I thought of while watching this film. Many in Hollywood are against the war and violence. Many of them are seen flashing peace signs, participating in U.N. events, and participating in peace marches. Many of them are quoted as saying violence will solve nothing. Well, this years Oscars awarded some very violent flicks, off the top of my head No Country, There Will Be Blood, That Tim Burton flick were nominated for Oscars and they were all ultra violent movies. Also, what do the following people have in common: Martin Sheen, Tim Robbins, Susan Surandon, Natalie Portman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Viggo Mortensen, Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, hell pretty much all of Hollywood? They are all against the war, they are all against violence yet they all star in very violent movies, a lot of them glorify it. This is why I'm down on Hollywood. Not only are they hypocritical with the global warming scam, they are hypocritical on violence. I am seriously becoming a crusty old man.
Monday, March 3, 2008
You Fucking Sell Out!!!!
Selling out could mean a lot of things to many people, but in the end it all comes down to money. Taking a person or groups unique take on music and movies and basically saying, "screw it, time to retire" or "screw it, I just like tons of tons of money, show me where to sign so I can annoy the fuck out of people by doing the same stuff over and over again." But there are many versions of sell out and I'll explore these many ways. But before we do here are the ones that never sold out anything and still did quite well in their fields of endeavor. Like how I talk all smart and stuff? I really have no clue what I'm saying.
MUSIC
1) Fugazi - This Washington D.C. based alt rock group were an inspiration to many punk bands and record store nerds everywhere. DIY was basically invented by these guys. They never had a video on MTV, never were played on mainstream radio and never appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. While they are the very essence of business ethics by keeping prices low for their fans (never more than $10 bucks for a show) they come across as unbelievably pretentious and stuck up, like the guys in High Fidelity, except less funny and more depressing. I actually got to see them back in 2001 and I thought it was one of the worst shows I've ever been to. There is a strict no dancing policy at their shows, so basically there were a bunch of goth/nerd (me)/punk/pretentious kids staring blankly at a stage for an hour and a half. Thankfully I was completely drunk. I actually ran into a old high school chum of mine there. Rob G. He did his usual pretend he never met me, ignore me, then go sit in a corner like the bipolar bear that he is. But nevertheless, their songs are great.
2) NOFX - Great punk band out of L.A. Basically the same as Fugazi except a lot less pretentious and a lot more self deprecating. Fell into the political trap after Bush got into office....ugh. Read my lips No...political....bands....are.....any.....good.
3) Rush - Really they had no choice since many people thought they sucked all through their career. Never listened to any suits at the many record companies they were a part of.
4) Primus - Even though Jerry Was a Race Car Driver was a minor hit Les Claypool and the boys stayed true to their quirky music.
MOVIES
1) David Lynch - Completely bonkers but very imaginative. Not what I would call mainstream. Even though I wasn't high during Lost Highway I felt like I was when I was watching it.
2) Robert Altman - Complete cock sucker (may he rest in peace) but you had to respect his convictions. M*A*S*H the movie was great, one of my all time favorites.
3) Crispin Glover - Again, completely bonkers, very eccentric, never did anything normal. I was forced to sit through Rubin and Ed in college. Thought I was going to shoot myself.
THE SELL OUTS
This is pretty much all the talent I have so be prepared for more of the same until you stop giving me money sell out
These are the people that come out like gangbusters but have absolutely no range when it comes to their craft so they start collecting tons of money for basically doing the same shit over and over again.
Best Example from Movies: Matthew McCanohey - Basically plays the dude from Dazed and Confused in all his movies. Even though his abs have more talent than him he still collects millions of dollars to do crap movies. Ever see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Then you've seen all his films.
Runners up: Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Owen and Luke Wilson, Ben and Casey Afflex, George Clooney, Larry The Cable Guy, Will Ferrel (sigh), Mike Myers.
Best Example From Music: The White Stripes - The incest family came out with their 2001 hit album White Blood Cells (get it?) and scored a major hit with "I Met a Girl (actually my sister)" which was kind of catchy, even though it was blatant that they had no talent whatsoever. Well, the next album was the same as before, as was the next album, but for some unknown reason (perhaps Meg White's ginormous boobies) they kept getting more popular. People keep throwing money at them, good for them I guess.
Runners up: Shit, too many to list.
What the fuck? Sell out
These are the ones that had a great following and pretty much shunned anything and everything mainstream through most of their career then BAM! There they are, shilling for a huge company by doing things they've never done before.
Best Example From Music: Perry Farrell - This guy has pretty much defined his career by fronting Porno For Pyros and the wildly popular Indy band Jane's Addiction. He also formed Lallapallozza that served as a haven for depressed, suicidal teens everywhere. Then there I am this year waiting for a football game to start and who do I see dancing in all gold and singing lyrics to a song that he would have said "fuck you" to 10 years ago? Perry Farrell, along with some popular R&B artist and some popular rapper singing about the upcoming game on ABC. Just shocking.
Runners up: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys (though they kind of went backwards), Foo Fighters
Best Example From Movies: This is a toughie but I would have to say the Coen Brothers. Hear me out. Many of their movies were popular but never mainstream, Burger King glass kinds of movies. Blood Simple, Millers Crossing, Fargo, Hudsucker Proxy, The Big Leubowski, not exactly normal fare for the run of the mill corn eating crowd here in the States. Then it started with Oh Brother Where Art Thou, great movie but man did it become popular. Then two movies that I would designate sell out came out from them, Intolerable Cruelty and the remake of the Ladykillers. Two awful movies that screamed give me money.
Runners Up: John Cusack, Jack Black (he sucks anyways), Danny Boyle, it goes on and on.....
I'm more of a corporation more than an artist sell out
These are guys that seem to be running more of a corporation in order to get a shit loads more money than trying to dazzle us with talent, or no talent, like they used to.
Best Example From Movies: Tom Cruise - This is a no brainer, even though he should really be on the "this is the only talent I have" sell out list it just seems that he's more about running the Scientology corporation than he is about making decent movies. As much as I can't stand Cruise he actually did make a few decent movies back in the day, like before 2002. Then when his Scientology beliefs took over his movie output turned ugly very quickly. I mean Jesus, he interviewed Katie Holmes to be his wife.....allegedly. He also has more lawyers than Micheal Moore.
Runners Up: Nicole Kidman, Christopher Walken, Steve Martin, others that I can't think of right now....
Hopefully my political/humanitarian beliefs will keep me in the spotlight since everyone realizes that I really have no talent or have run out of ideas sell out
This is a pretty recent phenomenon where a musical group or actor realizes that his/hers sales are plummeting so they hop on the we hate George Bush (or any Republican), he's a Nazi, liberty is fading fast, global warming will kill us all band wagon. This also includes those who want a huge pat on the back for sticking up for a cause by posing for a few photos next to homeless/starving kids, then leave town without so much of a dollar donated. They also rally people to curb their "carbon footprint" yet still jet set around the world. Bono had his favorite hat flown in first class for him while he was attending a global crisis conference. These guys crack me up.
Best Example From Music - U2 - In all reality the last good album they made was Actung Baby! Since then their albums sounded good at first then quickly become coasters for my cold beverages. All That We Can't Leave Behind was the last album I bought from them because of the strength of Beautiful Day, then about 6 months later the songs wore thin, absolutely no staying power. It also didn't help that one of their songs showed up on the god aweful Tomb Raider movie soundtrack. Of course Bono covers up his musical mediocrity by going to AIDS conferences, climate crisis conferences, just about any humanitarian conference and the U.N. to tell the nation that diseases are bad, poverty is bad and we should all do something about it. Quick name the last U2 album and the single that came off of it. Give up? So do I.
Runners Up: Dixie Chicks, Green Day, Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., Smashing Pumpkins (though it backfired on them), Incubus, Suicide Machines, NOFX, it goes on and on.
Best Example From Movies - Angelina Jolie - Mrs. TMZ has rarely made a good movie, or even ones that were profitable, yet movie execs throw cash at her to star in their movies. She really has no talent and the only thing she's really good at is kidnapping, errr, adopting children from other countries. She's never met a photo shoot that she doesn't like.
Runners Up: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Susan Surandon, Tim Robbins, Martin and Charlie Sheen, Leonardo DeCaprio (who actually is number 2 on this list). I was going to include Sean Penn but as much as he's bat shit insane the guy does have talent.
Note: I truly think these guys secretly voted for Bush, I really do.
I was seriously better when I was on smack sell out. Also known as "no drugs, no soul" sell out.
Pretty self explanatory, people who's careers were obviously better when they were snorting coke, doing eight balls and lighting spoons.
Best Example From Music - Jimmy Page - One of the men behind the success of Led Zeppelin, let's face it, his musical output became horrific after giving up smack.
Runners Up: Not too many that survived actually.
Best Example From Movies - Robin Williams - Let's just imagine this conversation on the set of Good Morning Vietnam.
"Lights? Check. Camera? Check. Sound? Check. Fistful of coke for Mr. Williams? Check."
After smack he just became annoying, VERY annoying. Give him credit though, even though he hasn't made a decent or profitable movie in at least 8 years he still somehow manages to find work.
Runners Up: Pretty much anyone that survived their addiction.
This was a bad post, but I started it and now it's finished.
MUSIC
1) Fugazi - This Washington D.C. based alt rock group were an inspiration to many punk bands and record store nerds everywhere. DIY was basically invented by these guys. They never had a video on MTV, never were played on mainstream radio and never appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. While they are the very essence of business ethics by keeping prices low for their fans (never more than $10 bucks for a show) they come across as unbelievably pretentious and stuck up, like the guys in High Fidelity, except less funny and more depressing. I actually got to see them back in 2001 and I thought it was one of the worst shows I've ever been to. There is a strict no dancing policy at their shows, so basically there were a bunch of goth/nerd (me)/punk/pretentious kids staring blankly at a stage for an hour and a half. Thankfully I was completely drunk. I actually ran into a old high school chum of mine there. Rob G. He did his usual pretend he never met me, ignore me, then go sit in a corner like the bipolar bear that he is. But nevertheless, their songs are great.
2) NOFX - Great punk band out of L.A. Basically the same as Fugazi except a lot less pretentious and a lot more self deprecating. Fell into the political trap after Bush got into office....ugh. Read my lips No...political....bands....are.....any.....good.
3) Rush - Really they had no choice since many people thought they sucked all through their career. Never listened to any suits at the many record companies they were a part of.
4) Primus - Even though Jerry Was a Race Car Driver was a minor hit Les Claypool and the boys stayed true to their quirky music.
MOVIES
1) David Lynch - Completely bonkers but very imaginative. Not what I would call mainstream. Even though I wasn't high during Lost Highway I felt like I was when I was watching it.
2) Robert Altman - Complete cock sucker (may he rest in peace) but you had to respect his convictions. M*A*S*H the movie was great, one of my all time favorites.
3) Crispin Glover - Again, completely bonkers, very eccentric, never did anything normal. I was forced to sit through Rubin and Ed in college. Thought I was going to shoot myself.
THE SELL OUTS
This is pretty much all the talent I have so be prepared for more of the same until you stop giving me money sell out
These are the people that come out like gangbusters but have absolutely no range when it comes to their craft so they start collecting tons of money for basically doing the same shit over and over again.
Best Example from Movies: Matthew McCanohey - Basically plays the dude from Dazed and Confused in all his movies. Even though his abs have more talent than him he still collects millions of dollars to do crap movies. Ever see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Then you've seen all his films.
Runners up: Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Owen and Luke Wilson, Ben and Casey Afflex, George Clooney, Larry The Cable Guy, Will Ferrel (sigh), Mike Myers.
Best Example From Music: The White Stripes - The incest family came out with their 2001 hit album White Blood Cells (get it?) and scored a major hit with "I Met a Girl (actually my sister)" which was kind of catchy, even though it was blatant that they had no talent whatsoever. Well, the next album was the same as before, as was the next album, but for some unknown reason (perhaps Meg White's ginormous boobies) they kept getting more popular. People keep throwing money at them, good for them I guess.
Runners up: Shit, too many to list.
What the fuck? Sell out
These are the ones that had a great following and pretty much shunned anything and everything mainstream through most of their career then BAM! There they are, shilling for a huge company by doing things they've never done before.
Best Example From Music: Perry Farrell - This guy has pretty much defined his career by fronting Porno For Pyros and the wildly popular Indy band Jane's Addiction. He also formed Lallapallozza that served as a haven for depressed, suicidal teens everywhere. Then there I am this year waiting for a football game to start and who do I see dancing in all gold and singing lyrics to a song that he would have said "fuck you" to 10 years ago? Perry Farrell, along with some popular R&B artist and some popular rapper singing about the upcoming game on ABC. Just shocking.
Runners up: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys (though they kind of went backwards), Foo Fighters
Best Example From Movies: This is a toughie but I would have to say the Coen Brothers. Hear me out. Many of their movies were popular but never mainstream, Burger King glass kinds of movies. Blood Simple, Millers Crossing, Fargo, Hudsucker Proxy, The Big Leubowski, not exactly normal fare for the run of the mill corn eating crowd here in the States. Then it started with Oh Brother Where Art Thou, great movie but man did it become popular. Then two movies that I would designate sell out came out from them, Intolerable Cruelty and the remake of the Ladykillers. Two awful movies that screamed give me money.
Runners Up: John Cusack, Jack Black (he sucks anyways), Danny Boyle, it goes on and on.....
I'm more of a corporation more than an artist sell out
These are guys that seem to be running more of a corporation in order to get a shit loads more money than trying to dazzle us with talent, or no talent, like they used to.
Best Example From Movies: Tom Cruise - This is a no brainer, even though he should really be on the "this is the only talent I have" sell out list it just seems that he's more about running the Scientology corporation than he is about making decent movies. As much as I can't stand Cruise he actually did make a few decent movies back in the day, like before 2002. Then when his Scientology beliefs took over his movie output turned ugly very quickly. I mean Jesus, he interviewed Katie Holmes to be his wife.....allegedly. He also has more lawyers than Micheal Moore.
Runners Up: Nicole Kidman, Christopher Walken, Steve Martin, others that I can't think of right now....
Hopefully my political/humanitarian beliefs will keep me in the spotlight since everyone realizes that I really have no talent or have run out of ideas sell out
This is a pretty recent phenomenon where a musical group or actor realizes that his/hers sales are plummeting so they hop on the we hate George Bush (or any Republican), he's a Nazi, liberty is fading fast, global warming will kill us all band wagon. This also includes those who want a huge pat on the back for sticking up for a cause by posing for a few photos next to homeless/starving kids, then leave town without so much of a dollar donated. They also rally people to curb their "carbon footprint" yet still jet set around the world. Bono had his favorite hat flown in first class for him while he was attending a global crisis conference. These guys crack me up.
Best Example From Music - U2 - In all reality the last good album they made was Actung Baby! Since then their albums sounded good at first then quickly become coasters for my cold beverages. All That We Can't Leave Behind was the last album I bought from them because of the strength of Beautiful Day, then about 6 months later the songs wore thin, absolutely no staying power. It also didn't help that one of their songs showed up on the god aweful Tomb Raider movie soundtrack. Of course Bono covers up his musical mediocrity by going to AIDS conferences, climate crisis conferences, just about any humanitarian conference and the U.N. to tell the nation that diseases are bad, poverty is bad and we should all do something about it. Quick name the last U2 album and the single that came off of it. Give up? So do I.
Runners Up: Dixie Chicks, Green Day, Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., Smashing Pumpkins (though it backfired on them), Incubus, Suicide Machines, NOFX, it goes on and on.
Best Example From Movies - Angelina Jolie - Mrs. TMZ has rarely made a good movie, or even ones that were profitable, yet movie execs throw cash at her to star in their movies. She really has no talent and the only thing she's really good at is kidnapping, errr, adopting children from other countries. She's never met a photo shoot that she doesn't like.
Runners Up: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Susan Surandon, Tim Robbins, Martin and Charlie Sheen, Leonardo DeCaprio (who actually is number 2 on this list). I was going to include Sean Penn but as much as he's bat shit insane the guy does have talent.
Note: I truly think these guys secretly voted for Bush, I really do.
I was seriously better when I was on smack sell out. Also known as "no drugs, no soul" sell out.
Pretty self explanatory, people who's careers were obviously better when they were snorting coke, doing eight balls and lighting spoons.
Best Example From Music - Jimmy Page - One of the men behind the success of Led Zeppelin, let's face it, his musical output became horrific after giving up smack.
Runners Up: Not too many that survived actually.
Best Example From Movies - Robin Williams - Let's just imagine this conversation on the set of Good Morning Vietnam.
"Lights? Check. Camera? Check. Sound? Check. Fistful of coke for Mr. Williams? Check."
After smack he just became annoying, VERY annoying. Give him credit though, even though he hasn't made a decent or profitable movie in at least 8 years he still somehow manages to find work.
Runners Up: Pretty much anyone that survived their addiction.
This was a bad post, but I started it and now it's finished.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Not Another Rush Post! Jesus!
For those Rush fans that don't know tickets for Geddy, Alex and Neil's retirement fund go on sale this Saturday at 10am. Since I'm part of the Rush community, aging nerds with too much time on their hands, I signed up for the pre sale, basically trying to break the bank to get as close as possible. Me and the better half secured tickets in Section C row S. Not bad considering how much we paid (hint: not as much as I thought it would be).
Another reason I wrote this post is because of an article I saw on the website The Onion - AV Club. It lists the worse prog rock album cover art of all time. As soon as I saw the title I knew they were going to mention Rush, among other bands. They mentioned Emerson, Lake and Palmer's album Tarkus, Dream Theater's When Dream and Day Unite and Queensryche's Hear In The Now Frontier. The rest is here. I figured they would either mention Caress Of Steel or Hemispheres, they chose Hemispheres. And they are right, it is a shitacular album cover. When I first purchased the album back in 8th grade, about the time I came to grips with the fact that I would have a hard time getting laid due to my geekdom, I was confused with the album. I just thought they were two gay dudes on a brain with one of them naked, high and dancing while the other an uptight Englishmen. Then I read an interview with Hugh Syme, the man responsible for the artwork, and he stated that this was the first time Rush let him submit the artwork without them seeing it. I guess Neil didn't speak to him for weeks after seeing it after it was produced. It's still a sore subject to this day.
Anyhoo, I thought I would be positive for a change and list some of the best rock album covers of all time. At least the ones I like.
10) Ween - Chocolate and Cheese
Evertime I see this album cover, I get......erect.
9) Joe Jackson - Look Sharp
Cover that only shows a sharp pair of white dress shoes, pretty much the defining album cover of the late 70's early 80's.
8) New Order - Blue Monday single
The album is nothing more than a floppy disk which houses the 12" single. It put factory records out of business because for every dollar they made it cost two dollars to make the album. But you have to give it to Tony Wilson, it was bold.
7) Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing
Not only was it a good album name, it also was splendid artwork.
6) Primus - Sailing The Seas Of Cheese
Completly goofy album cover from a completly goofy band.
5) Suicide Machines - Suicide Machines
Complete recreation of a photo of the group The Who, complete with stances and wardrobe. I thought it was imaginative.
4) Van Halen - 1984
Nothing says badass like a young angel smoking a butt.
3. The Dwarves - The Dwarves Come Clean
Two naked chicks and a dwarf, need I say more?
2. Rush - Moving Pictures
Pretty much the defining Rush album cover.
1 b) Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon
Pink Floyd has always made imaginative covers, nothing says "lets get high as kites" then this album cover.
1 a) Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin I
This album almost ruined Led Zeppelin, but in the end it made them. Nothing like putting a disaster on your cover. I also was going to list House of the Holy. But the naked little girls makes my very uneasy.
There are others I have certainly missed, but this was the best I could do. List some of your own.
Another reason I wrote this post is because of an article I saw on the website The Onion - AV Club. It lists the worse prog rock album cover art of all time. As soon as I saw the title I knew they were going to mention Rush, among other bands. They mentioned Emerson, Lake and Palmer's album Tarkus, Dream Theater's When Dream and Day Unite and Queensryche's Hear In The Now Frontier. The rest is here. I figured they would either mention Caress Of Steel or Hemispheres, they chose Hemispheres. And they are right, it is a shitacular album cover. When I first purchased the album back in 8th grade, about the time I came to grips with the fact that I would have a hard time getting laid due to my geekdom, I was confused with the album. I just thought they were two gay dudes on a brain with one of them naked, high and dancing while the other an uptight Englishmen. Then I read an interview with Hugh Syme, the man responsible for the artwork, and he stated that this was the first time Rush let him submit the artwork without them seeing it. I guess Neil didn't speak to him for weeks after seeing it after it was produced. It's still a sore subject to this day.
Anyhoo, I thought I would be positive for a change and list some of the best rock album covers of all time. At least the ones I like.
10) Ween - Chocolate and Cheese
Evertime I see this album cover, I get......erect.
9) Joe Jackson - Look Sharp
Cover that only shows a sharp pair of white dress shoes, pretty much the defining album cover of the late 70's early 80's.
8) New Order - Blue Monday single
The album is nothing more than a floppy disk which houses the 12" single. It put factory records out of business because for every dollar they made it cost two dollars to make the album. But you have to give it to Tony Wilson, it was bold.
7) Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing
Not only was it a good album name, it also was splendid artwork.
6) Primus - Sailing The Seas Of Cheese
Completly goofy album cover from a completly goofy band.
5) Suicide Machines - Suicide Machines
Complete recreation of a photo of the group The Who, complete with stances and wardrobe. I thought it was imaginative.
4) Van Halen - 1984
Nothing says badass like a young angel smoking a butt.
3. The Dwarves - The Dwarves Come Clean
Two naked chicks and a dwarf, need I say more?
2. Rush - Moving Pictures
Pretty much the defining Rush album cover.
1 b) Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon
Pink Floyd has always made imaginative covers, nothing says "lets get high as kites" then this album cover.
1 a) Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin I
This album almost ruined Led Zeppelin, but in the end it made them. Nothing like putting a disaster on your cover. I also was going to list House of the Holy. But the naked little girls makes my very uneasy.
There are others I have certainly missed, but this was the best I could do. List some of your own.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Top Ten Movies of All Time? How About Some Top Fives
Someone at work asked me what my favorite movie of all time is. I stopped and said Empire Strikes Back. It's always my go to movie, it's been my favorite for years, why not? Then I was trying to come up with a top ten list of all time and realized what a fucktastically impossible task it is, at least for me. My tastes have changed so much over the years. I had my liberal artsy-fartsy years, my binge-drinking-movie-seeing years and I also had my all U.S. movies suck so I'll stick to foreign movies years which I'm currently getting over right now. But I will probably go back to since the U.S. will only produce crap, remakes or movies with a number after its title. So why not break it down into categories? Inspired by High Fidelity, I will give my top fives of all time.
Foreign Division
5. No Mans Land
4. Run Lola Run
3. Kung Foo Hustle
2. The Chorus - The one and only French movie I've ever seen.
1. Das Boot
Sports Drama Division
5. Wind
4. Chariots of Fire
3. Shoalin Soccer - Same maker as Kung Fu Hustle
2. The Natural
1. Hoosiers
Dumb Comedy Division
5. SuperTroopers
4. Orgazmo
3. Airplane II
2. Tapeheads - Early Tim Robbins and John Cusack, before they developed soapboxes on their feet.
1. Naked Gun
"I Can Only Watch This While Drinking" Movies
5. BASEketball
4. From Dusk Till Dawn
3. Beerfest
2. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
1. Animal House
Classic Comedy Division
5. Young Frankenstein
4. Airplane
3. A Night At The Opera
2. Blazing Saddles
1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Best Cohen Brothers Movies Division
Our lord and saviors of film, the Cohens. Note: I have not seen No Country for Old Men yet.
5. The Big Lebowski
4. Barton Fink
3. Raising Arizona
2. Fargo
1. Millers Crossing
Animated Movies Division
5. Renaissance
4. Animatrix - Series of shorts revolving around the Matrix
3. Final Fantasy
2. Heavy Metal - Remember this movie?
1. South Park
War Movie Division
5. Full Metal Jacket
4. Patton
3. Black Hawk Down
2. Glory
1. Saving Private Ryan
Sci Fi Division - Expanded Since I'm a sci fi geek
10. A Scanner Darkley
9. The Matrix - "Whoa"
8. 2001: A Space Odyssey
7. Terminator
6. Aliens
5. Spaceballs - Ummm......err.....why not?
4. Alien
3. Star Wars Episode IV
2. Blade Runner
1. Empire Strikes Back or Star Wars Episode V
Movies That Double as Soft Core Gay Porn
5. Bound
4. Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King
3. Brokeback Mountain - Didn't like the movie all that much, but it fits here.
2. Heavenly Creatures
1. Top Gun
John Cusack Division
Again, before growing soap boxes on his feet and thinking he's some sort of political genius.
5. Eight Men Out
4. One Crazy Summer
3. Better Off Dead
2. High Fidelity
1. Gross Pointe Blank
Sports Comedy Division
5. Slap Shot
4. Mean Machine
3. Caddyshack
2. Bull Durham
1. Major League
Action Division
5. Sin City
4. Boondock Saints
3. Braveheart
2. The Wild Bunch
1. Fight Club
Best Adaptation From A Novel(s)
5. Fight Club
4. A Scanner Darkley
3. Lord of the Rings Series
2. Blade Runner (Book was titled "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep")
1. Could quite possibly be No Country for Old Men, but since I haven't seen it...The Thing (Originally titled, "Who Goes There!")
Horror Division
5. Evil Dead II
4. Night of the Living Dead
3. Psycho
2. The Thing
1. Freaks - Only because of the last scene where all the freaks are coming after Venus - Just creepy.
British Division
5. Snatch
4. Shaun of the Dead
3. Layer Cake
2. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
1. Hot Fuzz
College Movies Division
Movies set in college.
5. Dead Poets Society
4. Back To School
3. Animal House
2. Rules of Attraction
1. Revenge Of The Nerds
Gangster Movies Division
5. Gangster No. 1
4. Donnie Brasco
3. Eastern Promises
2. Casino
1. Goodfellas
Drama Division
5. The Pianist
4. Pulp Fiction
3. American History X
2. Shawshank Redemption
1. The Usual Suspects
Stephen King Division
5. The Green Mile
4. Misery
3. Stand By Me
2. The Dead Zone
1. Shawshank Redemption
The Oscars Actually Got It Right! Division
5. Schindlers List
4. Chariots Of Fire
3. The French Connection
2. Patton
1. Amadeus
The Oscars Got it Wrong! Division
5. Forrest Gump
4. Gladiator
3. Million Dollar Baby
2. Crash
1. tie - Titanic/Shakespeare In Love
Best Remakes Division
5. Insomnia
4. The Ring
3. Reservoir Dogs
2. Solaris
1. The Italian Job
Note: Had no idea the Departed was a remake of a Japanese movie.
I could go on and on. But I need to get started preparing for the OSU/LSU game.
Foreign Division
5. No Mans Land
4. Run Lola Run
3. Kung Foo Hustle
2. The Chorus - The one and only French movie I've ever seen.
1. Das Boot
Sports Drama Division
5. Wind
4. Chariots of Fire
3. Shoalin Soccer - Same maker as Kung Fu Hustle
2. The Natural
1. Hoosiers
Dumb Comedy Division
5. SuperTroopers
4. Orgazmo
3. Airplane II
2. Tapeheads - Early Tim Robbins and John Cusack, before they developed soapboxes on their feet.
1. Naked Gun
"I Can Only Watch This While Drinking" Movies
5. BASEketball
4. From Dusk Till Dawn
3. Beerfest
2. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
1. Animal House
Classic Comedy Division
5. Young Frankenstein
4. Airplane
3. A Night At The Opera
2. Blazing Saddles
1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Best Cohen Brothers Movies Division
Our lord and saviors of film, the Cohens. Note: I have not seen No Country for Old Men yet.
5. The Big Lebowski
4. Barton Fink
3. Raising Arizona
2. Fargo
1. Millers Crossing
Animated Movies Division
5. Renaissance
4. Animatrix - Series of shorts revolving around the Matrix
3. Final Fantasy
2. Heavy Metal - Remember this movie?
1. South Park
War Movie Division
5. Full Metal Jacket
4. Patton
3. Black Hawk Down
2. Glory
1. Saving Private Ryan
Sci Fi Division - Expanded Since I'm a sci fi geek
10. A Scanner Darkley
9. The Matrix - "Whoa"
8. 2001: A Space Odyssey
7. Terminator
6. Aliens
5. Spaceballs - Ummm......err.....why not?
4. Alien
3. Star Wars Episode IV
2. Blade Runner
1. Empire Strikes Back or Star Wars Episode V
Movies That Double as Soft Core Gay Porn
5. Bound
4. Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King
3. Brokeback Mountain - Didn't like the movie all that much, but it fits here.
2. Heavenly Creatures
1. Top Gun
John Cusack Division
Again, before growing soap boxes on his feet and thinking he's some sort of political genius.
5. Eight Men Out
4. One Crazy Summer
3. Better Off Dead
2. High Fidelity
1. Gross Pointe Blank
Sports Comedy Division
5. Slap Shot
4. Mean Machine
3. Caddyshack
2. Bull Durham
1. Major League
Action Division
5. Sin City
4. Boondock Saints
3. Braveheart
2. The Wild Bunch
1. Fight Club
Best Adaptation From A Novel(s)
5. Fight Club
4. A Scanner Darkley
3. Lord of the Rings Series
2. Blade Runner (Book was titled "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep")
1. Could quite possibly be No Country for Old Men, but since I haven't seen it...The Thing (Originally titled, "Who Goes There!")
Horror Division
5. Evil Dead II
4. Night of the Living Dead
3. Psycho
2. The Thing
1. Freaks - Only because of the last scene where all the freaks are coming after Venus - Just creepy.
British Division
5. Snatch
4. Shaun of the Dead
3. Layer Cake
2. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
1. Hot Fuzz
College Movies Division
Movies set in college.
5. Dead Poets Society
4. Back To School
3. Animal House
2. Rules of Attraction
1. Revenge Of The Nerds
Gangster Movies Division
5. Gangster No. 1
4. Donnie Brasco
3. Eastern Promises
2. Casino
1. Goodfellas
Drama Division
5. The Pianist
4. Pulp Fiction
3. American History X
2. Shawshank Redemption
1. The Usual Suspects
Stephen King Division
5. The Green Mile
4. Misery
3. Stand By Me
2. The Dead Zone
1. Shawshank Redemption
The Oscars Actually Got It Right! Division
5. Schindlers List
4. Chariots Of Fire
3. The French Connection
2. Patton
1. Amadeus
The Oscars Got it Wrong! Division
5. Forrest Gump
4. Gladiator
3. Million Dollar Baby
2. Crash
1. tie - Titanic/Shakespeare In Love
Best Remakes Division
5. Insomnia
4. The Ring
3. Reservoir Dogs
2. Solaris
1. The Italian Job
Note: Had no idea the Departed was a remake of a Japanese movie.
I could go on and on. But I need to get started preparing for the OSU/LSU game.
Monday, December 31, 2007
To The Makers Of The Golden Compass - Chicken!
I finally have some time off for the next couple of days until I return to school and basically have no time for anything. So for the last couple of days I actually caught up on world events (still the same, all fucked up), sports (I'm pretty excited about the bowl season, had time to argue with John-O, which was fun) and movies (haven't seen an inside of a theater in almost 6 months). But when I heard about the Golden Compass and I never realized what the big hububalooo was about. I guess the whole story was written by an atheist whereas the bad guys are Christian and god is an alien pretending to be divine and the earth would be a lot more fun if faith disappeared. As a Christian I wasn't offended because this is a free world, write what you want to write, I have the freedom to ignore it if I want. Besides, I thought Passion of the Christ was one of the worst movies of that year (I can't remember which). But when I read a review of it from Greg Easterbrook I guess the makers of the movie left the entire anti-religion context out of the movie. If your going to make the movie at least be true to the book, go all out. Not surprisingly the movie basically bombed at the box office.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Best Worst Movies Of All Time
If you haven't noticed I like to write lists of crap rather than a random post generating my opinion. I was going to write a nasty little blog criticizing The Indianapolis Star for basically supporting a candidate for Mayor of Indianapolis rather than report the news and let us citizens decide on who we would like to vote for. This is why I hate the media of today, they generally mislead us and basically promote their own agendas and opinions (that goes for both sides of the political fence), which is why I and other drunk people go to places like The Onion for our news. Anyways, back to my crappy post, there are movies that everyone and their brother say is awesome and a "classic", these are some I feel are really overrated, hence the best worst movies of all time moniker.
1) Easy Rider (1969) - If I were high as a fucking kite 24/7 I would probably still really hate this movie. It's slow, crappy, and only for hippies who like to get baked and remember the good ol' days, if they can remember them at all.
Worse part of the movie - Hillbillies beat the ever loving crap out of Hopper, Fonda and Nicholson at their camp site with baseball bats. Nicholson dies and apparently Fonda and Hopper are so chocked up about their new friends death that they leave him there and continue on with their journey apparently free of injuries.
2) Shakespeare In Love (1998) - Won the best picture oscar beating out the more deserving Saving Private Ryan. Why? No idea, this movie was awful. It didn't help the fact that it starred chronic whiner Gwyneth Paltrow.
Worse part of movie - When Ben Affleck appears.
3) Forrest Gump (1994) - If someone told me that this would win best picture of the year beating out both Shaweshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction, easily the best of 1994, I would have called you a no good liar, then I would have bet my beer money that it wouldn't happen. I would have lost my shirt. A dumb guy running for 2 hours during the sixties and seventies, that's all the movie is.
Worse part of the movie - The running scene, pretty much the entire movie.
4) Gladiator - (2000) - The battle scenes were confusing, I had no idea who the hell was killing who half the time; it had hair lip Steve (Jacquan Phoenix); it left out some pretty significant facts of the time; and it had resident overrated actor and chronic head case Russell Crowe as the lead. I was disappointed because I usually love Ridley Scott movies.
Worse part of the movie - The awkward kiss between hair lip Steve and his sister.
5) The Godfather Movies (I and II) - I'll start out by saying that I know this is a classic, a majority of the people out there think these movies are the best of all time. I just didn't get it. I tried numerous times to sit down and watch them, the furthest I got was 1 hour, and that was because I was at the hospital bored out of my skull and there was nothing else on in the break room except this. I figured out the reason I didn't cozy up to this classic. I saw Goodfellas and Casino first before I even tried to watch Godfather, which is kind of like getting an ipod then going back to an 8 track a few years later. That was probably a bad analogy. But the main reason was Goofellas and Casino were based on real events, some embellishments of the facts but generally true which made it more interesting. Godfather was largely made up. Goofellas and Casino had nice snappy editing and speed through scenes at break neck speeds, which is great for my ADHD. Godfather was ploddy, slow, like watching two turtles screwing in molasses. Goofellas and Casino had DeNiro and Pesci pre sell out and over the top, Godfather had Marlon (I sound like I'm chewing on bacon when I talk) Brando and a young pre-whooha Al Pacino. Anyways, I know it's a classic, so I'll just agree to disagree.
6) Titanic (1997) - No explanation needed. This movie is the reason I now hate:
a) The academy awards.
b) Leonardo DeCrapio.
c) Any story or documentary on the History channel covering the Titanic.
7) Monsters Ball (2002) - Gave me a headache. Not only did it get best picture nods it also led to Holly Berry winning for best actress and leading up to her giving the loudest most annoying oscar acceptance speech of all time, narrowly beating out Sally Field. Just an aweful movie.
8) Brokeback Mountain (2004) - I had a really good gay friend where I use to work tell me that this was probably the most overrated movie of all time. The characters were crap, the story was crap, plus no homosexual man could get their rocks off watching Ledger and Gyeeennhhalll because there were no true love scenes, if you know what I mean. Those were his words, not mine. After watching about 20 minutes of it I realized my friend was right.
9) The Sixth Sense (1999) - Thanks to M. Night Shamalamadingdong every movie after this started to do the "twist" ending, usually with disastrous results. Cracked.dom covers these movies. In retrospect this movie was really not all that great, especially since M. Knight is probably the biggest egomaniac director around. He thinks he's Spielberg but he's actually Uwe Boll.
Worse part of the movie - "I see dead people."
There are others for sure...I just can't think of them right now.
1) Easy Rider (1969) - If I were high as a fucking kite 24/7 I would probably still really hate this movie. It's slow, crappy, and only for hippies who like to get baked and remember the good ol' days, if they can remember them at all.
Worse part of the movie - Hillbillies beat the ever loving crap out of Hopper, Fonda and Nicholson at their camp site with baseball bats. Nicholson dies and apparently Fonda and Hopper are so chocked up about their new friends death that they leave him there and continue on with their journey apparently free of injuries.
2) Shakespeare In Love (1998) - Won the best picture oscar beating out the more deserving Saving Private Ryan. Why? No idea, this movie was awful. It didn't help the fact that it starred chronic whiner Gwyneth Paltrow.
Worse part of movie - When Ben Affleck appears.
3) Forrest Gump (1994) - If someone told me that this would win best picture of the year beating out both Shaweshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction, easily the best of 1994, I would have called you a no good liar, then I would have bet my beer money that it wouldn't happen. I would have lost my shirt. A dumb guy running for 2 hours during the sixties and seventies, that's all the movie is.
Worse part of the movie - The running scene, pretty much the entire movie.
4) Gladiator - (2000) - The battle scenes were confusing, I had no idea who the hell was killing who half the time; it had hair lip Steve (Jacquan Phoenix); it left out some pretty significant facts of the time; and it had resident overrated actor and chronic head case Russell Crowe as the lead. I was disappointed because I usually love Ridley Scott movies.
Worse part of the movie - The awkward kiss between hair lip Steve and his sister.
5) The Godfather Movies (I and II) - I'll start out by saying that I know this is a classic, a majority of the people out there think these movies are the best of all time. I just didn't get it. I tried numerous times to sit down and watch them, the furthest I got was 1 hour, and that was because I was at the hospital bored out of my skull and there was nothing else on in the break room except this. I figured out the reason I didn't cozy up to this classic. I saw Goodfellas and Casino first before I even tried to watch Godfather, which is kind of like getting an ipod then going back to an 8 track a few years later. That was probably a bad analogy. But the main reason was Goofellas and Casino were based on real events, some embellishments of the facts but generally true which made it more interesting. Godfather was largely made up. Goofellas and Casino had nice snappy editing and speed through scenes at break neck speeds, which is great for my ADHD. Godfather was ploddy, slow, like watching two turtles screwing in molasses. Goofellas and Casino had DeNiro and Pesci pre sell out and over the top, Godfather had Marlon (I sound like I'm chewing on bacon when I talk) Brando and a young pre-whooha Al Pacino. Anyways, I know it's a classic, so I'll just agree to disagree.
6) Titanic (1997) - No explanation needed. This movie is the reason I now hate:
a) The academy awards.
b) Leonardo DeCrapio.
c) Any story or documentary on the History channel covering the Titanic.
7) Monsters Ball (2002) - Gave me a headache. Not only did it get best picture nods it also led to Holly Berry winning for best actress and leading up to her giving the loudest most annoying oscar acceptance speech of all time, narrowly beating out Sally Field. Just an aweful movie.
8) Brokeback Mountain (2004) - I had a really good gay friend where I use to work tell me that this was probably the most overrated movie of all time. The characters were crap, the story was crap, plus no homosexual man could get their rocks off watching Ledger and Gyeeennhhalll because there were no true love scenes, if you know what I mean. Those were his words, not mine. After watching about 20 minutes of it I realized my friend was right.
9) The Sixth Sense (1999) - Thanks to M. Night Shamalamadingdong every movie after this started to do the "twist" ending, usually with disastrous results. Cracked.dom covers these movies. In retrospect this movie was really not all that great, especially since M. Knight is probably the biggest egomaniac director around. He thinks he's Spielberg but he's actually Uwe Boll.
Worse part of the movie - "I see dead people."
There are others for sure...I just can't think of them right now.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Movies/Shows and the Causes They Have Wrecked
There are some movies and shows that have come out in the last couple of years that have tried to persuade us to live and think a certain way but failed miserably because they are so gosh darn awful. I'll cuss better later on in this rant. Here are a few......
The Sara Silverman Show
The Cause: That Sara Silverman is actually funny.
Where it failed: Well, everywhere. She is such a comedic black hole that she has now officially ruined Jimmy Kimmel. She should probably take a note from Margaret Cho; being foul mouthed comedian without any jokes does not make you funny, just a hack with a foul mouth.
The Solution: Just quit, seriously, porn is calling, maybe a underground tape of Silverman, Kimmel and Pamela Anderson in a three way would help you recoup your losses.
American Dad
The Cause: That conservatives are joyless, war mongering, neanderthals.
Where it failed: Giving all the good lines and jokes to the conservative neanderthal and giving all the unfunny and crappy lines to the liberal, named Haley, REALLY doesn't help. Unless, that how it is in real life. There is also the unflattering representation of Haley where she's always baked past noon and can barely get through community college. Plus the fact that Stan Smith (the neanderthal) is routinely viewed as a sympathetic figure, especially at the end.
The Solution: You know what? Steve Smith is pretty much carrying that show, send Haley to a real college or something.
The Mind of Mencia
The Cause: That Carlos Mencia creates and uses his own jokes.
Where it failed: YouTube ran a video showing where Mencia ripped off his jokes. The fact that Joe Rogan, who can barely pronounce his own name, exposed him is especially damning. There was also a YouTube skit (too lazy to post it) that shows Rogan out thinking and out maneuvering a grasping at straws Carlos while they were on stage duking it out, comically, not physically.
The Solution: Write your own jokes douchebag.
Passion of the Christ
The Cause: Not sure what the cause was. To convert non-believers to Christianity? We'll go with that.
Where it failed: Pretty much everywhere. The over use of slow motion, the deranged Hollywood actor drunk with power, money and hatred of Jews directing; the fact that this movie was really nothing more than a 3 hour snuff film; the fact that I wanted to convert to Buddhism within the first 10 minutes of the film and forget that I was ever a Lutheran from New Jersey; the whipping scenes that go on longer than it really should have; it goes on and on.
The Solution: Give Mel his own island ala Napoleon Bonaparte and make sure he never gets ahold of a camera again, then round up all Christians who actually thought this movie was good and give them a good spanking.
Battlefield Earth
The Cause: Scientology (please don't sue me!)
Where it failed: Same as Passion, everywhere. If Jon Travolta said that this movie is a comedy and not to take too seriously I think everyone would forgive him, eventually, because it was really funny. But the fact that he took this movie very seriously and the damning fact that this is considered one of the worst movies of all time should have really made everyone reconsider the religion that is Scientology. Then compound that with the fact that Travolta was willing to front his own movie to make a sequel should have given him a one way ticket to an insane asylum. But you have to admit, a religion which is based off a man who was knocking back Coronas on his boat wondering if he could get followers by making up a bunch of crap about aliens to get him more dough, you just have to marvel at that.
The Solution: Considering that fact that a lot of high profiled and rich Hollywood actors are involved in this, there really is no solution. But at least we know there won't be a sequel.
The Day After Tomorrow
The Cause: Global Warming
Where it failed: This web site will give a much better explanation of why this movie failed. Other than the fact that Al Gore was promoting this movie pounding on the podium that this kind of thing will happen in the future while the temperate outside was -2 degrees Celsius. Compound that with the fact that all global warming experts and Al Gore refuse to debate or take any questions from any detractors on the validity of their scientific findings in an open forum, making the cause very suspect.
The Sara Silverman Show
The Cause: That Sara Silverman is actually funny.
Where it failed: Well, everywhere. She is such a comedic black hole that she has now officially ruined Jimmy Kimmel. She should probably take a note from Margaret Cho; being foul mouthed comedian without any jokes does not make you funny, just a hack with a foul mouth.
The Solution: Just quit, seriously, porn is calling, maybe a underground tape of Silverman, Kimmel and Pamela Anderson in a three way would help you recoup your losses.
American Dad
The Cause: That conservatives are joyless, war mongering, neanderthals.
Where it failed: Giving all the good lines and jokes to the conservative neanderthal and giving all the unfunny and crappy lines to the liberal, named Haley, REALLY doesn't help. Unless, that how it is in real life. There is also the unflattering representation of Haley where she's always baked past noon and can barely get through community college. Plus the fact that Stan Smith (the neanderthal) is routinely viewed as a sympathetic figure, especially at the end.
The Solution: You know what? Steve Smith is pretty much carrying that show, send Haley to a real college or something.
The Mind of Mencia
The Cause: That Carlos Mencia creates and uses his own jokes.
Where it failed: YouTube ran a video showing where Mencia ripped off his jokes. The fact that Joe Rogan, who can barely pronounce his own name, exposed him is especially damning. There was also a YouTube skit (too lazy to post it) that shows Rogan out thinking and out maneuvering a grasping at straws Carlos while they were on stage duking it out, comically, not physically.
The Solution: Write your own jokes douchebag.
Passion of the Christ
The Cause: Not sure what the cause was. To convert non-believers to Christianity? We'll go with that.
Where it failed: Pretty much everywhere. The over use of slow motion, the deranged Hollywood actor drunk with power, money and hatred of Jews directing; the fact that this movie was really nothing more than a 3 hour snuff film; the fact that I wanted to convert to Buddhism within the first 10 minutes of the film and forget that I was ever a Lutheran from New Jersey; the whipping scenes that go on longer than it really should have; it goes on and on.
The Solution: Give Mel his own island ala Napoleon Bonaparte and make sure he never gets ahold of a camera again, then round up all Christians who actually thought this movie was good and give them a good spanking.
Battlefield Earth
The Cause: Scientology (please don't sue me!)
Where it failed: Same as Passion, everywhere. If Jon Travolta said that this movie is a comedy and not to take too seriously I think everyone would forgive him, eventually, because it was really funny. But the fact that he took this movie very seriously and the damning fact that this is considered one of the worst movies of all time should have really made everyone reconsider the religion that is Scientology. Then compound that with the fact that Travolta was willing to front his own movie to make a sequel should have given him a one way ticket to an insane asylum. But you have to admit, a religion which is based off a man who was knocking back Coronas on his boat wondering if he could get followers by making up a bunch of crap about aliens to get him more dough, you just have to marvel at that.
The Solution: Considering that fact that a lot of high profiled and rich Hollywood actors are involved in this, there really is no solution. But at least we know there won't be a sequel.
The Day After Tomorrow
The Cause: Global Warming
Where it failed: This web site will give a much better explanation of why this movie failed. Other than the fact that Al Gore was promoting this movie pounding on the podium that this kind of thing will happen in the future while the temperate outside was -2 degrees Celsius. Compound that with the fact that all global warming experts and Al Gore refuse to debate or take any questions from any detractors on the validity of their scientific findings in an open forum, making the cause very suspect.
The Solution: Debate or come clean, one or the other, quit hiding behind your boys from the media.
Super Size Me
The Cause: Vegetarianism, corporations are evil
Where it failed: Actually it didn't at first. Morgan Spurlock and his vegetarianism propaganda machine was doing pretty well. This documentary was chugging along with a lot of followers until common sense questions started to creep in.
1) Who can afford or have the time to eat McDonalds 3 times a day?
2) When you are a strict vegetarian (as Morgan Spurlock is) isn't the body going to reject any sort of processed food, making you throw up?
3) Who in the hell is dumb enough to eat McDonalds 3 times a day and believe that you won't gain massive amounts of weight and have body organs shutting down on you eventually?
4) Instead of pointing the finger at McDonalds for the poor diet of Americans shouldn't we be pointing the finger at ourselves? It's caused freedom of choice, we have the choice to eat or not eat McDonalds. We have the choice to eat healthy or crappy, to be in or out of shape. Why don't I drink nothing but beer for 30 days and I'll get back to you on how it works out, then we can go after the evil beer corporations.
The solution: Well, Spulock has pretty much disappeared, so there you go. It didn't help that he folded like origami under scrutiny during one news show.
There you go. Time for a beer, and some big macs.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Movies Made Since 1999 That Don't Suck (short version)
Since I've pretty much stop going to movies because they either:
1) Suck
2) Have a message about the war in Iraq or some other cause or
3) It's a sequel or remake, I found it difficult to find movies that I have really enjoyed in the last 8 years or so. So I compiled a list of movies that I found that didn't suck since 1999.
1) Fight Club - 1999
Before Brad Pitt became fodder for tabloids and before Ed Norton became a joyless windbag they did make a really decent movie. Fight Club, written by Chuck Palinuck and directed by underrated David Fincher was a movie against conformity and excessive materialism. Even though it's ironic that Pitt, Norton and Palinuck are now poster boys for excessive materialism it was still a good movie nonetheless. Filled with imaginative, snappy directing that almost made me throw up in the movie theater because I was so drunk at the time. After I saw it sober I really enjoyed it because it was different from what was out there at the time. It was so different that it tanked at the box office, which surprised no one. It's now a cult classic, like Debbie Does Dallas.
2) Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (2000 and 1999)
Before Madonna took Guy Ritchie hostage and told him to never make a good movie ever again he did direct these two gems. Snatch and Lock, Stock were imaginative, funny, inventive and gave us a view of the British gangster world, which is pretty much the wussiest gangster style ever. I enjoyed both movies so much I was actually eager to see Swept Away. Oops. I am now hoping that Guy Ritchie comes to his senses and ditch the old hag, or at the very least chuck her into the Thames.
3) Lord Of The Rings (1 and 2, not 3)
Lord of the Rings, the first two, were unbelievable. Probably one of the greatest translations of book to film since Fight Club. I have to admit that I have never read the Lord of the Rings series, but according to every virgin nerd that I've talked to it's pretty close to enjoyable as reading the novels. The directing was so good that it deserved an oscar, unfortunately the heavy handed and least enjoyable third installment of the series got it. But still, the Return of the King was a hell of a lot better than any movie that it was put against.
4) Sin City - 2005
Another good translation from book, I mean comic book, I mean graphic novel to film. I have to applaud Robert Rodriguez to keeping the film as close to the graphic novel as possible, even making Carla Gugino strip down to nothing but a g-string in most of her scenes (yeah!). Rodriguez also made it seem that Jessica Alba has acting ability, which is not easy by any means. Frank Miller even gave it his stamp of approval, which according to most is not easy since he's a joyless, old drunk now. Like me.
5) Shaun of the Dead - 2004
Loved this movie, directed by Edgar Wright and starring Simon Pegg. I really like Simon Pegg who also starred in a very funny British comedy called Spaced. The movie was born out of Simon Pegg playing Resident Evil 2 and wondering what would happen if London was infested with zombies. We found out; funny and scary. But mostly funny, because their British and drunk.
6) Hot Fuzz - 2007
Another Simon Pegg/Edgar Wright movie. Basically shows what would happen if Bad Boys were white and British. I actually enjoyed it a hell of a lot better than Bad Boys, mostly because I didn't feel intimidated by watching the damn thing.
7) A Scanner Darkley - 2006
I have to admit, I'm a big fan of Keanu Reeves. Even though he's robo- actor half of the time and acts like he's in the fourth dimension full of doped up midgets or something he doesn't use his money and power to make everyone believe what he believes, like all of Hollywood. That makes him awesome in my book. But this movie was a pretty decent translation of the Philip K. Dick book of the same name. Philip K. Dick was pretty insane and did enough drugs that could bring down a bull elephant, but man did he write some good crap. See also Blade Runner and Total Recall.
8) 24 Hour Party People - 2002
Movie that chronicled the life and death of Factory Records located in Manchester, England. Love the movie because I love the acts that it followed namely: Joy Division, New Order and the heavily drugged up Happy Mondays. Made me a big fan of Steve Coogan who was also in the very funny British comedy I am Alan Partridge.
9) Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - 2005
Great translations of one of my favorite books of all time (yes, I've actually read something once). Martin Freeman was great and this movie made me a fan of Mos Def, until I saw 16 blocks, then I started to hate him.
10) Supertroopers/Club Dread/Beerfest - 2001/2003/2006
Dumb, funny comedy that didn't make me think a whole lot, 'nuff said.
11) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie - 2007
Love the show even though it seems to be written by two drugged up freaks. Stretching a 10 minute cartoon into a 90 minute movie is no easy task, but they did it. PLUS - IT'S THE MOVIE DEBUT OF NEIL PEART, THE GREATEST ROCK DRUMMER EVER!!!!!!!!! NEIL, PLAY THE DRUM SOLO OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12) Matrix - 1999
Again, big fan of Reeves. I thought it was funny that the directors put in their contracts that they didn't have to do any media events. I guessing because they didn't want to explain the last two Matrix movies and the fact that they are complete, utter freaks. I think one of them is a women now.
13) Hellboy/X-men movies
Probably the only two movies based on comics that worked. Enjoyable to say the least and didn't want me to burn all the comics I had, unlike Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four, The Hulk and the rest of the craptacular movies made from Marvel Comics. I would list Spider Man as good but the movies were held hostage by bad casting. Tobey McGuire is a man child who is 5'2" and 110 lbs and Kirstin Dunst acts like she should be in porn. Then they cast Topher Grace as Venom. The baddest, meanest villain in the Spider Man series is played by a guy that my two year old could beat up. It could have been great.
14) Mean Machine - 2001
Another British movie which is the British homage to The Longest Yard (the original, dammit!). Stars Vinnie Jones as a disgraced soccer (football) player who goes to jail and has to assemble a team to play against the guards. I enjoyed it, even though I really don't like soccer.
15) Layer Cake - 2004
Even though Daniel Craig is so wussy that he's one step away from ovulating, this is still a really good movie. Originally supposed to be directed by Guy Ritchie, but he was reminded that he was married to Madonna and he immediately backed out of the project, you know, because it was good. Matthew Vaughn stepped in and delivered the goods and I immediately wanted to bang Daniel Craig, I mean, Sienna Miller.
16) Road to Perdition - 2002
There is a road, and it leads to perdition, where everyone dies in the movie, including a very annoying Jude Law, gotta love it. I should really learn to use commas, and semi colons, and take a course in writing.
17) Bourne Identity/Bourne Supremacy - 2002/2004
Even though Matt Damon is forever ruined for me (thanks Team America) this was decent. The only complaint I had was the fact that the camera man in Supremacy was acting like he was Micheal J. Fox on Red Bull, there was a LOT of shaking. It was pretty damn annoying after a while, but still enjoyable.
18) Oceans' Eleven - 2001
Before the cast (Damon, Pitt, Clooney, etc.) became a walking, talking US weekly issue they did make a really smart remake. I guessing Clooney made this movie because he believed that this was a way of saving the environment, one of his pet causes (even though he travels by private jet, has multiple mansions, etc.). You know, starring in remakes and sequels is a form of recycling. I'm not saying he's the smartest guy in the world, but he sure is sexy for a 80 year old. But this was a fun movie. Then they made Oceans 12. Then Oceans 13. I'm sure 14, 15, 16 and 17 is in the works. Now I hate Oceans 11. Forget that I mentioned it.
There are others but I can't think of them right now. Please list ones that you like, if you're still reading.
1) Suck
2) Have a message about the war in Iraq or some other cause or
3) It's a sequel or remake, I found it difficult to find movies that I have really enjoyed in the last 8 years or so. So I compiled a list of movies that I found that didn't suck since 1999.
1) Fight Club - 1999
Before Brad Pitt became fodder for tabloids and before Ed Norton became a joyless windbag they did make a really decent movie. Fight Club, written by Chuck Palinuck and directed by underrated David Fincher was a movie against conformity and excessive materialism. Even though it's ironic that Pitt, Norton and Palinuck are now poster boys for excessive materialism it was still a good movie nonetheless. Filled with imaginative, snappy directing that almost made me throw up in the movie theater because I was so drunk at the time. After I saw it sober I really enjoyed it because it was different from what was out there at the time. It was so different that it tanked at the box office, which surprised no one. It's now a cult classic, like Debbie Does Dallas.
2) Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (2000 and 1999)
Before Madonna took Guy Ritchie hostage and told him to never make a good movie ever again he did direct these two gems. Snatch and Lock, Stock were imaginative, funny, inventive and gave us a view of the British gangster world, which is pretty much the wussiest gangster style ever. I enjoyed both movies so much I was actually eager to see Swept Away. Oops. I am now hoping that Guy Ritchie comes to his senses and ditch the old hag, or at the very least chuck her into the Thames.
3) Lord Of The Rings (1 and 2, not 3)
Lord of the Rings, the first two, were unbelievable. Probably one of the greatest translations of book to film since Fight Club. I have to admit that I have never read the Lord of the Rings series, but according to every virgin nerd that I've talked to it's pretty close to enjoyable as reading the novels. The directing was so good that it deserved an oscar, unfortunately the heavy handed and least enjoyable third installment of the series got it. But still, the Return of the King was a hell of a lot better than any movie that it was put against.
4) Sin City - 2005
Another good translation from book, I mean comic book, I mean graphic novel to film. I have to applaud Robert Rodriguez to keeping the film as close to the graphic novel as possible, even making Carla Gugino strip down to nothing but a g-string in most of her scenes (yeah!). Rodriguez also made it seem that Jessica Alba has acting ability, which is not easy by any means. Frank Miller even gave it his stamp of approval, which according to most is not easy since he's a joyless, old drunk now. Like me.
5) Shaun of the Dead - 2004
Loved this movie, directed by Edgar Wright and starring Simon Pegg. I really like Simon Pegg who also starred in a very funny British comedy called Spaced. The movie was born out of Simon Pegg playing Resident Evil 2 and wondering what would happen if London was infested with zombies. We found out; funny and scary. But mostly funny, because their British and drunk.
6) Hot Fuzz - 2007
Another Simon Pegg/Edgar Wright movie. Basically shows what would happen if Bad Boys were white and British. I actually enjoyed it a hell of a lot better than Bad Boys, mostly because I didn't feel intimidated by watching the damn thing.
7) A Scanner Darkley - 2006
I have to admit, I'm a big fan of Keanu Reeves. Even though he's robo- actor half of the time and acts like he's in the fourth dimension full of doped up midgets or something he doesn't use his money and power to make everyone believe what he believes, like all of Hollywood. That makes him awesome in my book. But this movie was a pretty decent translation of the Philip K. Dick book of the same name. Philip K. Dick was pretty insane and did enough drugs that could bring down a bull elephant, but man did he write some good crap. See also Blade Runner and Total Recall.
8) 24 Hour Party People - 2002
Movie that chronicled the life and death of Factory Records located in Manchester, England. Love the movie because I love the acts that it followed namely: Joy Division, New Order and the heavily drugged up Happy Mondays. Made me a big fan of Steve Coogan who was also in the very funny British comedy I am Alan Partridge.
9) Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - 2005
Great translations of one of my favorite books of all time (yes, I've actually read something once). Martin Freeman was great and this movie made me a fan of Mos Def, until I saw 16 blocks, then I started to hate him.
10) Supertroopers/Club Dread/Beerfest - 2001/2003/2006
Dumb, funny comedy that didn't make me think a whole lot, 'nuff said.
11) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie - 2007
Love the show even though it seems to be written by two drugged up freaks. Stretching a 10 minute cartoon into a 90 minute movie is no easy task, but they did it. PLUS - IT'S THE MOVIE DEBUT OF NEIL PEART, THE GREATEST ROCK DRUMMER EVER!!!!!!!!! NEIL, PLAY THE DRUM SOLO OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12) Matrix - 1999
Again, big fan of Reeves. I thought it was funny that the directors put in their contracts that they didn't have to do any media events. I guessing because they didn't want to explain the last two Matrix movies and the fact that they are complete, utter freaks. I think one of them is a women now.
13) Hellboy/X-men movies
Probably the only two movies based on comics that worked. Enjoyable to say the least and didn't want me to burn all the comics I had, unlike Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four, The Hulk and the rest of the craptacular movies made from Marvel Comics. I would list Spider Man as good but the movies were held hostage by bad casting. Tobey McGuire is a man child who is 5'2" and 110 lbs and Kirstin Dunst acts like she should be in porn. Then they cast Topher Grace as Venom. The baddest, meanest villain in the Spider Man series is played by a guy that my two year old could beat up. It could have been great.
14) Mean Machine - 2001
Another British movie which is the British homage to The Longest Yard (the original, dammit!). Stars Vinnie Jones as a disgraced soccer (football) player who goes to jail and has to assemble a team to play against the guards. I enjoyed it, even though I really don't like soccer.
15) Layer Cake - 2004
Even though Daniel Craig is so wussy that he's one step away from ovulating, this is still a really good movie. Originally supposed to be directed by Guy Ritchie, but he was reminded that he was married to Madonna and he immediately backed out of the project, you know, because it was good. Matthew Vaughn stepped in and delivered the goods and I immediately wanted to bang Daniel Craig, I mean, Sienna Miller.
16) Road to Perdition - 2002
There is a road, and it leads to perdition, where everyone dies in the movie, including a very annoying Jude Law, gotta love it. I should really learn to use commas, and semi colons, and take a course in writing.
17) Bourne Identity/Bourne Supremacy - 2002/2004
Even though Matt Damon is forever ruined for me (thanks Team America) this was decent. The only complaint I had was the fact that the camera man in Supremacy was acting like he was Micheal J. Fox on Red Bull, there was a LOT of shaking. It was pretty damn annoying after a while, but still enjoyable.
18) Oceans' Eleven - 2001
Before the cast (Damon, Pitt, Clooney, etc.) became a walking, talking US weekly issue they did make a really smart remake. I guessing Clooney made this movie because he believed that this was a way of saving the environment, one of his pet causes (even though he travels by private jet, has multiple mansions, etc.). You know, starring in remakes and sequels is a form of recycling. I'm not saying he's the smartest guy in the world, but he sure is sexy for a 80 year old. But this was a fun movie. Then they made Oceans 12. Then Oceans 13. I'm sure 14, 15, 16 and 17 is in the works. Now I hate Oceans 11. Forget that I mentioned it.
There are others but I can't think of them right now. Please list ones that you like, if you're still reading.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
