South Park Tribute to Heavy Metal

Last night I finally got an opportunity to watch the new episode of South Park. The new season has been kind of a dissapointment, but the new episode was an homage to one of my favorite cult classic movies of the 80's, Heavy Metal. The episode titled Major Boobage was great, not only funny as hell but also giving a nob to one of the greatest cartoon movies of all time. God bless you Stone and Parker. I also just realized that South Park has been on the air for 11 years now. Where does the time go?

Lost In Translation

No I'm not talking about the shitty movie starring Bill Murray or directed by the ugliest daughter of a director ever I'm talking about our society. One phrase that has made its way into the sports media is "It is what it is." Which translates into "I'm done talking." I thought I would translate some other things for you from sports to movies to media to our everyday society.....enjoy.


Phrase: Translation

Trust me: Fuck you

Hi, I'm from Greenpeace, do you have a moment?: Hi, I live in an upscale neighborhood with my parents, I drove my dad's SUV to get here, can I annoy you for the next five minutes?

From the makers of Independence Day: This movie will suck donkey balls.

People are trying to censor me!: One guy from the internet told me to shut up.

Man, I saw the boss was really yelling at you just now: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHHHAAAA!

Man, I feel horrible, I must be coming down with something: I am seriously hung over. I shouldn't have drunk 12 beers and played Madden all night.

Christians are so misguided, dumb and dangerous: I'm waaaaay to scared to say anything about Muslims.

I'm starting a green lifestyle: Eventually I'll get swept up in another fad.

I'll be starring in Drilbit Taylor coming this Spring: I'll be committing suicide soon.

I think porn objectifies women and is completely disgusting, immoral and violent towards women: I have a huge collection of girl on girl.

Hi, I'm Anderson Cooper: Man, I really look good on camera, make sure to get me in the foreground at all times.

Episode III wasn't that bad: George Lucas has ruined my childhood.

Based on a true story: We embellished a fuckload for this movie.

Based on true events: There is nothing true about this movie.

My wife and I share a wonderful, equal commitment: Has anyone seen my balls?

No honey, I don't think that waitress looks good at all: I'll be thinking about her during sex tonight.

It's ok honey, I wasn't that horny either: I'll just masturbate in the dark and cry for a while.

I believe in cultural diversity: White people suck.

I think Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson do a lot for African Americans: Seriously, white people suck.

I really like the music of Kanye West and 50 cent: I fantisize about pistol whipping honkey.

America was built on a sham and deserves to go down in flames: I think I need to stop reading NUVO for a while.

Liberals are to blame for everything: I need to stop reading NewsMax for a while.

Democrats/Republicans came out with their list of candidates: We have shitty candidates and aren't afraid to use them.

Now joining us is James Carville: Advert your eyes! Quick! This fucker is ugly as sin.

Hi I'm Larry King: Listen to me fart on air repeadedly.

It's a good size: Christ your small!

Breast size really doesn't matter to me: Thank god you have big boobs.

Socially conscious lyrics: I'm trying to sell more records by pretending to care.

I think Fall Out Boy rules!: I like anal sex.

That last season of Saturday Night was awesome: I'm Corky from Life Goes On.

That's why I direct now: I couldn't find an acting job to save my life.

I'll only have a couple of drinks tonight: I'll probably be in the ER getting my stomach pumped in a couple of hours.

Socialized medicine will work for this country: I like the DMV a lot!

This is a horrible problem for society that needs to be resolved!: Once a Democrat reaches office we will never hear about it again.

I can't think of anything else.

Prime Mover Brewery

One thing that I will be doing when I eventually get out of school is to make my own beer. Since I have one kid and one on the way (that we just found out will be another boy) and we all know how much of a drain they are on your energy and wallet I will probably be forced to make my own beer. I have been thinking of doing this for a while, like since the Drew Carey show first did their Buzz Beer thing. But my cousins from Memphis actually brewed their own and entered a contest. They didn't win anything but their beer was actually decent, it didn't make me go blind anyways. Well I thought of my own beers and the titles, of course they all center around Rush (who else?). Here's a sampling. If anyone steals my idea....awww....who would actually do that?

Title of beer company: Prime Mover Brewery

Beers

Working Man Beer - a good pilsner.
Witch Hunt Brew - just in time for Octoberfest, a spicy kind of beer.
Force Ten Ale - more of a Christmas ale kind of deal.
Limelight Ale - for you carb counting losers.
Red Tide Beer - a cranberry affair.
New World Beer - not sure what it will be like but I like the title.
Ghost Rider Stout- kind of like Guinness.
Prime Mover Ale - kind of a creamy deal, like Tetley's, McCaffreys or Belhaven.

While I'm at it I might as well list my top ten beers, in no particular order.

10) Eliot Ness - Great Lakes Brewery - only sold in Ohio, for now.
9) Guiness - Always a favorite
8) Weinstenstapher Dunkel- Pretty sure I didn't spell it right, but they sell it at
the Ratzskeller, taste soo damn good on draft.
7) Murphy's Stout - I got addicted to this when I was in Ireland.
6) Sam Adams - pretty much all of them, even the cranberry one.
5) Belhavens - great on tap at McNiven's downtown.
4) Old Speckled Hen - now on tap at the Cladaugh up north.
3) Tetley's - always one of my favorites, slowly disappearing from Indy.
2) Boddingtons - Another one of my favorites that's disappearing, the Cladaugh downtown took it off draft, at least the last time I was there they did.
1) McCaffreys - probably my favorite that's gone from the U.S. Those fuckers at Coors brought the distributing right and never distributed it. Found it in England at a pub and I thought I was in heaven. Then I got the bottom of the barrel (which made it taste like shit) and the barkeep said that they would have more tomorrow, I was leaving the next morning.....shit.

Yankees/Cubs Posts

Opening day is happening soon and being the horrific Yankee fan that I am I'll be posting shit throughout the season about the Yankees. Not only that, I have a family obligation to post about the Cubs as well. You see, my in laws are from Chicago, my father in law was born and bred in downtown Chicago. We came to a truce, they would root for the Yankees if I would root for the Cubies. Done. Of course that isn't so hard for me since Sweet Lou Pinella is the coach and one of my favorite former Yankees, Alfonso Soriano, is one of their players. I actually have plans to travel to Yankee stadium this year (with my Bro who actually saw Game 1 of the 1977 world series in person) to see the close of the house that Ruth built and I will be traveling with my in laws to Wrigley Field to see a Cubs game. I really have no comment so far on either team, only that the Rays made waaay too much about Shelly Duncan's spike slide and this little nugget...If you read the headline "Pay for Red Sox coaches dispute final, Red Sox will go to Japan" how would you feel? Nothing, right? Now replace Red Sox with Yankees, here is what you would see on ESPN.

"Those cheap bastards! Aren't they getting paid enough!????!!!"

One thing, look who is #2 in terms of payroll and marketing, oh the mother fucking Red Sox. Seriously, the Yankees are Republicans and the Red Sox are Democrats. One will always get away with more than the other in the media even though they are basically the same. Anyhooooo...

Go Cubs!

Go Yankees!

Scoop Jackon And His BS

As the lone Pacer fan left in the state I've been banging my head against the wall with the many ways the Pacers keep losing. Bad decisions, bad trades and only a couple of decent draft selections. We suck, but the east is so bad that we are still only a couple of games out of making the playoffs, unlike the New York Knicks, who suck complete balls. Why bring up Knicks? Well Scoop Jackson decided to write his usual piece of shit article basically saying the white man is the reason Isiah Thomas is getting so much shit and Larry Bird is receiving no criticism. Since firejaymariotti.com was asleep at the post I'll break down his horrific excuse for journalism.

And if I said Larry Bird has done more collateral damage to the Indiana Pacers than Thomas has done to the Knicks, you'd probably stop reading.

I wish I did. You see Scoop, unlike Larry, Isiah is in New York City running the most storied franchises in the league. The Pacers are in the Midwest and they were formally an ABA team that pretty much became a doormat to any NBA team when they merged back in the day. The Knicks are in a city with a ton of media scrutinizing anything and are a stones throw from ESPN - resident Boston lovers. The Pacers have Bob Kravitz and are in the Midwest. Anything the Knicks do in said city is immediately fodder for the media, anything the Pacers do basically means nothing in the grand scheme of the mainstream media.

Now, it would be unfair to Bird to blame him for everything that has gone wrong with the Pacers.

You just wrote yourself out of your own argument.

He had no control over The Brawl, no control over injuries that have taken games away from Jermaine O'Neal and Jamaal Tinsley.

That would pretty much fuck over any franchise. Let's see, your two best players have been down with injuries and your team starts sucking, go figure. How do you think the Bulls would have done without Jordan and Pippen? Lakers without Koby and Shaq? The Spurs without Duncan and the little French dude? How about the Knicks losing...uh....do they even have two good players?

The Brawl? That was pretty much a once in a lifetime stupid-fest that was started by a player the Pacers had to take a chance on because as much as Artest was bat shit insane he was a good defender. It also gave Herr Stern the opportunity to fuck over a small franchise team. Do you think he would have handed down such lengthy suspensions to the Lakers or Pistons? Doubt it.

But if bad things -- such as shootings at nightclubs (Stephen Jackson), charges stemming from a bar fight (Tinsley and Marquis Daniels), incidents involving handguns (Tinsley and Shawne Williams), failed drug tests (David Harrison), arrests at players' homes of a suspected rapist (an associate of Daniels) and a suspected murderer (an associate of Williams) -- continuously happen under your watch, when is it time to give misery (Thomas and the Knicks) some company?

They are called adults dipshit, Larry can't be hanging around them every fucking second of the day making sure they behave. Besides he's there to judge talent and he's trying (badly at the moment) to meld together a good team, not give them curfews and take their handguns away. If he did give them curfews you would probably write an article about a racist Midwest team profiling young black adults.

Yes, there's an $11.6 million sexual harassment lawsuit that found Thomas responsible and Madison Square Garden liable and unbelievable infighting that has reached "All My Children" levels, but that's not off par with the off-the-court incidents and activities that have plagued the Pacers.

Lets see, a sexual harassment lawsuit that found Thomas guilty and infighting where Thomas was the instigator, not the diffuser. I'm pretty sure Larry Bird was at home while Stephen Jackson was squeezing off rounds at a couple of morons and was probably off porking some high profile prostitute in the comforts of his French Lick home while Jamaal Tinsley was getting shot at downtown. Larry had nothing to do with these off court incidences, Thomas had a hand in a lot of them. So far your argument sucks.

Which makes it only fair to at some point ask whether we place some responsibility on Bird the same way we do on Thomas for harboring and manifesting a climate that has been counter-conducive to the well-being of a franchise that is in the business of winning.

Didn't you say earlier that you can't blame Bird for everything? So far you haven't defended your boy Isiah.

Thomas made questionable moves in taking risks on Eddy Curry, Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis and is blamed for the lack of production by Zach Randolph, among other things. What is the difference between that and the decisions that have been made with respect to Ron Artest, Jackson and Tinsley and the lack of production by Daniels (who, like Randolph, was supposed to be the prize catch that would begin a franchise turnaround)?

Lets see....

Eddy Curry - Questionable talent before coming to the Knicks
Stephon Marbury - Completely insane player that has wrecked every franchise he's been on.
Steve Francis - Stevy Franchise had like one or two decent years before becoming the overrated player that he is.
Zach Randolph - Complete racist who was part of the Jailblazers. Now completely out of shape, he was NEVER the prize catch.

Ron Artest - One of the best defenders in the league before he became insane.
Stephen Jackson - Sucked ass here but last I checked doing pretty well with the Warriors.
Jamal Tinsley - When he wants to be he actually is a decent point guard. Oh yeah, hasn't he basically been injured for the last two years? Didn't you just mention that Jamal was one of their best players that has been injured and Larry had no control over that? Are you saying Tinsley sucks or is good? Pick one.
Daniels - You got me there, but I'm pretty sure, let me check....yep, he was never a prize that would have turned around the Pacers franchise. Where did you get that bullshit?

What's the difference between Jamal Crawford and Mike Dunleavy? Is there a Thomas signee who is draining the Knicks' payroll the way Troy Murphy is draining the Pacers' payroll?

Between Crawford and Dunleavy? Not much except one is white and one is black and both are doing pretty well on shitty teams. As for Murphy, as much as his contract is bloated the guy actually does play hard every night. He's like the Rudy of the NBA, he sucks but he actually tries, unlike anyone on the Knicks.

The only difference, the only real difference, between these two teams that truly stands out is that during this period, the Pacers lost one of the greatest players in NBA history when Reggie Miller retired. That would affect any team. It was something neither Bird nor CEO Donnie Walsh had control over. But it was something for which they could have been better prepared.

Jesus tap dancing Christ, are you blaming Larry for the downfall of the Pacers or not? So far you haven't defended your boy and you've basically blamed Larry for being "unprepared" for Miller's retirement. Easy enough, Larry, Miller just retired could you go pick up another Reggie Miller? You mean you have to develop a hall of famer and even picking a once in a lifetime talent in today's NBA draft is a crap shoot? That's no excuse! You should have been better prepared!

Christ, Scoop. Do you think the Broncos were prepared for Elway's retirement? You think the Bulls were prepared for many of Jordan's retirements? You think the Packers are prepared for Favre's retirement? No, it's impossible to prepare for. It's like preparing for a category five tornado to hit your house, there's going to be damage, and it's going to take time to rebuild.


The Pacers' attendance is the worst in the NBA, according to The Indianapolis Star -- down from being one of the league's most consistent hometown draws. Their salary-cap situation, according to Bill Simmons, is the worst in the NBA and won't change until 2010.

Yes, attendance is down. That's because we suck, people don't like going to games where we know that their team will lose. Have you ever seen a team with a losing record outside of L.A., New York and Boston have record setting attendances when they are losing? Yeah, me neither.

According to Bill Simmons? Bill Fucking Boston Guy Simmons??!! I had no idea Bill was the expert on teams outside of Boston and their salary cap issues. It is well documented that Bill hates Indiana, Pacers and Colts. That's kind of like saying "according to Sean Penn, Bush is losing his grip on America." See? No objectivity. You dolt. I know Bill is the self described expert on the NBA, but that doesn't mean that he knows what the hell is going on in Indiana.

The Pacers have become the Cincinnati Bengals of the NBA. But again, you'd never know if you depended on the sports media tell you.

Comparing the Pacers to the Bengals? I think were better than that. Scoop, you are part of the mainstream sports media, no one from Indiana is, and you aren't the first one to write something like this.

Is racism or regionalism the reason one is vilified and the other isn't?

There it is, there it fucking is. The race card makes it's way into another one of Scoops articles. Scoop, please use the race card when racism actually exists. Weren't you one of the many sports journalist that were condemning the Duke lacrosse team when the person who accused the team of racism and rape was a coked up stripper with a sketchy past? Yeah, when you use the race card as many times as you and Jemele Hill do it really starts to ring hallow and pretty much screws the ones in the U.S. that actually are victims of racism. Just stop, as a matter of fact, I'll compare Larry Bird with Isiah Thomas.

Bird - Hall of famer for the Celtics
Thomas - Hall of famer for the Pistons

Bird - As a player won NBA Championships
Thomas - As a player won NBA Championships

Bird - Fired Isiah for doing a piss poor job as a coach of the Pacers. His replacement took basically the same team to the NBA Eastern Conference Championship THE NEXT YEAR where they were toppled by the eventual champions.

Thomas - Hired Lenny Wilkins, fired. Hired Larry Brown, fired. Hired himself as coach, is still coaching and is coaching himself and his team right into the ground.

Bird - As a coach actually took a team to the finals and nearly toppled MJ and the Bulls back in the 1998 Eastern Conference Finals.

Thomas - As a coach never took a team out of the first round and has made a horrible team into a laughing stock.

Bird - Has made draft picks and trades that has blown up in his face.

Thomas - Has made draft picks and trades that has blown up in his face.

Bird - Has been criticized extensively for his many failures as an executive. Especially in his own hometown.

Thomas - Ditto.

Bird - Has had some success as an executive and as a coach.

Thomas - Has had no success whatsoever in anything he has done outside of playing.

There you go Scoop. And one more thing, where in the hell did you get the idea that Bird wasn't getting any criticism for his actions as GM? I'm pretty sure the owner of the Pacers just said in the paper that he's going to make changes and the only thing he knows for sure that will stay the same is that he will stay the owner. I'm pretty sure that's not a good indication for Larry Legend. All James Dolan of the Knicks has done is sit on his ass with both thumbs directly up them and has made no changes whatsoever, EVEN AFTER THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT LAWSUIT!!! That would have fired anyone!

Choose all of the above, and you still will come up without an answer. Know, though, on this anniversary of Isiah Thomas' continued destruction of the Knicks, he will remain singled out as what not to look for in a president of basketball operations, while Larry Bird's plight will gather sympathy, and no one will notice the mirror images of the two.

Again, Thomas has had his hand in all of the Knicks troubles. As you said before, YOU CAN"T BLAME LARRY FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAS GONE WRONG WITH PACERS!!! Besides, sympathy from whom?! He's been criticized heavily for his actions. Again, New York - big time media, big time market, Indiana - small market, one newspaper. No one outside of Indiana cares about the Pacers. I'm pretty sure there are more fans of the Knicks outside of New York than there are Pacer fans outside of Indiana.

Those who decided to continue reading will ask whether I would have written this column had the roles been reversed -- if Bird was in New York ruining the Knicks and Thomas was in Indiana, silently and unnoticeably watching the Pacers disintegrate during his reign.

Anecdotal bullshit. What if? What if? What if? You don't know.

There you go, Scoop Jackson, one of the many reasons ESPN's Page 2 sucks complete ass now.

No Country For Old Farts

Finally got to see this movie last weekend. Oh wait, it's not out on DVD yet? Well, you are right, it's the advantage of having a sister in law who is a manager of a blockbuster store. Anyway thought I would share a few of my thoughts of this film.

-First off I enjoyed it, a lot. Probably the best movie of the year. Truth be told this is the ONLY movie I've seen for 2007. I'm not kidding, I don't get out much.

-Is it me or could you interchange "No Country For Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood" as the title of these two movies? Seriously, no one would bat an eye. Pretty violent flick(s?). I also saw that those two flicks were filming pretty close to each other in West Texas.

-Javier Bardem was just a badass as Chigurn. Great acting job. Actually the whole cast was great, even hippie/douchebag Woody Harrelson. Kind of weird for him to go from this to Semi-Pro. Anybody see that movie yet? Should I waste my time on it?

-Many critics say this is the Coen's best movie. I have to disagree. The best are in this order: 1) Millers Crossing 2) Fargo 3) No Country 4) Big Lewbowski 5) Hudsucker Proxy 6) Raising Arizona 7) Blood Simple...and the rest which I won't mention, you know, because of my last crazy ranting of a post below.

-It kind of drove me nuts that there really no music throughout the entire movie. It drove me nuts during The China Syndrome too. Or was that because it starred Jane Fonda?

-Contrary to popular belief I thought the ending was great, the symbolism in Bell's dreams was very fitting (judgement day, guilt over not protecting the Moss').

-Great directing I have to say, and the cinematography was fabulous.

-Read that when the Coens approached Bardem to do this movie he was quoted as saying, "I can't drive, my English is bad, and I don't like violence." "That's why we called you" the Coens were quoted as saying.

-This was a typical Coen Brother movie. I bet the conversation with the big executives went like this before it was produced.

Execs: So, what is your next project going to be like?

Coens: It's a cross between all our movies, except with less music and humor. Oh, it's based on a book.

Execs: Shit! You know typical people in America don't read! You've read John-O's posts, this could flop dammit!

Coens: Naw, we'll make it real artsy fartsy.

Execs: Sooooooo this could win an Oscar?

Coens: Uh, sure.

Execs: Approved! See you on the stage at the Oscars.

-Something I thought of while watching this film. Many in Hollywood are against the war and violence. Many of them are seen flashing peace signs, participating in U.N. events, and participating in peace marches. Many of them are quoted as saying violence will solve nothing. Well, this years Oscars awarded some very violent flicks, off the top of my head No Country, There Will Be Blood, That Tim Burton flick were nominated for Oscars and they were all ultra violent movies. Also, what do the following people have in common: Martin Sheen, Tim Robbins, Susan Surandon, Natalie Portman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Viggo Mortensen, Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, hell pretty much all of Hollywood? They are all against the war, they are all against violence yet they all star in very violent movies, a lot of them glorify it. This is why I'm down on Hollywood. Not only are they hypocritical with the global warming scam, they are hypocritical on violence. I am seriously becoming a crusty old man.

You Fucking Sell Out!!!!

Selling out could mean a lot of things to many people, but in the end it all comes down to money. Taking a person or groups unique take on music and movies and basically saying, "screw it, time to retire" or "screw it, I just like tons of tons of money, show me where to sign so I can annoy the fuck out of people by doing the same stuff over and over again." But there are many versions of sell out and I'll explore these many ways. But before we do here are the ones that never sold out anything and still did quite well in their fields of endeavor. Like how I talk all smart and stuff? I really have no clue what I'm saying.

MUSIC

1) Fugazi - This Washington D.C. based alt rock group were an inspiration to many punk bands and record store nerds everywhere. DIY was basically invented by these guys. They never had a video on MTV, never were played on mainstream radio and never appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. While they are the very essence of business ethics by keeping prices low for their fans (never more than $10 bucks for a show) they come across as unbelievably pretentious and stuck up, like the guys in High Fidelity, except less funny and more depressing. I actually got to see them back in 2001 and I thought it was one of the worst shows I've ever been to. There is a strict no dancing policy at their shows, so basically there were a bunch of goth/nerd (me)/punk/pretentious kids staring blankly at a stage for an hour and a half. Thankfully I was completely drunk. I actually ran into a old high school chum of mine there. Rob G. He did his usual pretend he never met me, ignore me, then go sit in a corner like the bipolar bear that he is. But nevertheless, their songs are great.

2) NOFX - Great punk band out of L.A. Basically the same as Fugazi except a lot less pretentious and a lot more self deprecating. Fell into the political trap after Bush got into office....ugh. Read my lips No...political....bands....are.....any.....good.

3) Rush - Really they had no choice since many people thought they sucked all through their career. Never listened to any suits at the many record companies they were a part of.

4) Primus - Even though Jerry Was a Race Car Driver was a minor hit Les Claypool and the boys stayed true to their quirky music.

MOVIES

1) David Lynch - Completely bonkers but very imaginative. Not what I would call mainstream. Even though I wasn't high during Lost Highway I felt like I was when I was watching it.

2) Robert Altman - Complete cock sucker (may he rest in peace) but you had to respect his convictions. M*A*S*H the movie was great, one of my all time favorites.

3) Crispin Glover - Again, completely bonkers, very eccentric, never did anything normal. I was forced to sit through Rubin and Ed in college. Thought I was going to shoot myself.


THE SELL OUTS

This is pretty much all the talent I have so be prepared for more of the same until you stop giving me money sell out

These are the people that come out like gangbusters but have absolutely no range when it comes to their craft so they start collecting tons of money for basically doing the same shit over and over again.

Best Example from Movies: Matthew McCanohey - Basically plays the dude from Dazed and Confused in all his movies. Even though his abs have more talent than him he still collects millions of dollars to do crap movies. Ever see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Then you've seen all his films.

Runners up: Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Owen and Luke Wilson, Ben and Casey Afflex, George Clooney, Larry The Cable Guy, Will Ferrel (sigh), Mike Myers.

Best Example From Music: The White Stripes - The incest family came out with their 2001 hit album White Blood Cells (get it?) and scored a major hit with "I Met a Girl (actually my sister)" which was kind of catchy, even though it was blatant that they had no talent whatsoever. Well, the next album was the same as before, as was the next album, but for some unknown reason (perhaps Meg White's ginormous boobies) they kept getting more popular. People keep throwing money at them, good for them I guess.

Runners up: Shit, too many to list.

What the fuck? Sell out

These are the ones that had a great following and pretty much shunned anything and everything mainstream through most of their career then BAM! There they are, shilling for a huge company by doing things they've never done before.

Best Example From Music: Perry Farrell - This guy has pretty much defined his career by fronting Porno For Pyros and the wildly popular Indy band Jane's Addiction. He also formed Lallapallozza that served as a haven for depressed, suicidal teens everywhere. Then there I am this year waiting for a football game to start and who do I see dancing in all gold and singing lyrics to a song that he would have said "fuck you" to 10 years ago? Perry Farrell, along with some popular R&B artist and some popular rapper singing about the upcoming game on ABC. Just shocking.

Runners up: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys (though they kind of went backwards), Foo Fighters

Best Example From Movies: This is a toughie but I would have to say the Coen Brothers. Hear me out. Many of their movies were popular but never mainstream, Burger King glass kinds of movies. Blood Simple, Millers Crossing, Fargo, Hudsucker Proxy, The Big Leubowski, not exactly normal fare for the run of the mill corn eating crowd here in the States. Then it started with Oh Brother Where Art Thou, great movie but man did it become popular. Then two movies that I would designate sell out came out from them, Intolerable Cruelty and the remake of the Ladykillers. Two awful movies that screamed give me money.

Runners Up: John Cusack, Jack Black (he sucks anyways), Danny Boyle, it goes on and on.....

I'm more of a corporation more than an artist sell out

These are guys that seem to be running more of a corporation in order to get a shit loads more money than trying to dazzle us with talent, or no talent, like they used to.

Best Example From Movies: Tom Cruise - This is a no brainer, even though he should really be on the "this is the only talent I have" sell out list it just seems that he's more about running the Scientology corporation than he is about making decent movies. As much as I can't stand Cruise he actually did make a few decent movies back in the day, like before 2002. Then when his Scientology beliefs took over his movie output turned ugly very quickly. I mean Jesus, he interviewed Katie Holmes to be his wife.....allegedly. He also has more lawyers than Micheal Moore.

Runners Up: Nicole Kidman, Christopher Walken, Steve Martin, others that I can't think of right now....

Hopefully my political/humanitarian beliefs will keep me in the spotlight since everyone realizes that I really have no talent or have run out of ideas sell out

This is a pretty recent phenomenon where a musical group or actor realizes that his/hers sales are plummeting so they hop on the we hate George Bush (or any Republican), he's a Nazi, liberty is fading fast, global warming will kill us all band wagon. This also includes those who want a huge pat on the back for sticking up for a cause by posing for a few photos next to homeless/starving kids, then leave town without so much of a dollar donated. They also rally people to curb their "carbon footprint" yet still jet set around the world. Bono had his favorite hat flown in first class for him while he was attending a global crisis conference. These guys crack me up.

Best Example From Music - U2 - In all reality the last good album they made was Actung Baby! Since then their albums sounded good at first then quickly become coasters for my cold beverages. All That We Can't Leave Behind was the last album I bought from them because of the strength of Beautiful Day, then about 6 months later the songs wore thin, absolutely no staying power. It also didn't help that one of their songs showed up on the god aweful Tomb Raider movie soundtrack. Of course Bono covers up his musical mediocrity by going to AIDS conferences, climate crisis conferences, just about any humanitarian conference and the U.N. to tell the nation that diseases are bad, poverty is bad and we should all do something about it. Quick name the last U2 album and the single that came off of it. Give up? So do I.

Runners Up: Dixie Chicks, Green Day, Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., Smashing Pumpkins (though it backfired on them), Incubus, Suicide Machines, NOFX, it goes on and on.

Best Example From Movies - Angelina Jolie - Mrs. TMZ has rarely made a good movie, or even ones that were profitable, yet movie execs throw cash at her to star in their movies. She really has no talent and the only thing she's really good at is kidnapping, errr, adopting children from other countries. She's never met a photo shoot that she doesn't like.

Runners Up: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Susan Surandon, Tim Robbins, Martin and Charlie Sheen, Leonardo DeCaprio (who actually is number 2 on this list). I was going to include Sean Penn but as much as he's bat shit insane the guy does have talent.

Note: I truly think these guys secretly voted for Bush, I really do.

I was seriously better when I was on smack sell out. Also known as "no drugs, no soul" sell out.

Pretty self explanatory, people who's careers were obviously better when they were snorting coke, doing eight balls and lighting spoons.

Best Example From Music - Jimmy Page - One of the men behind the success of Led Zeppelin, let's face it, his musical output became horrific after giving up smack.

Runners Up: Not too many that survived actually.

Best Example From Movies - Robin Williams - Let's just imagine this conversation on the set of Good Morning Vietnam.

"Lights? Check. Camera? Check. Sound? Check. Fistful of coke for Mr. Williams? Check."

After smack he just became annoying, VERY annoying. Give him credit though, even though he hasn't made a decent or profitable movie in at least 8 years he still somehow manages to find work.

Runners Up: Pretty much anyone that survived their addiction.

This was a bad post, but I started it and now it's finished.