You Fucking Sell Out!!!!

Selling out could mean a lot of things to many people, but in the end it all comes down to money. Taking a person or groups unique take on music and movies and basically saying, "screw it, time to retire" or "screw it, I just like tons of tons of money, show me where to sign so I can annoy the fuck out of people by doing the same stuff over and over again." But there are many versions of sell out and I'll explore these many ways. But before we do here are the ones that never sold out anything and still did quite well in their fields of endeavor. Like how I talk all smart and stuff? I really have no clue what I'm saying.

MUSIC

1) Fugazi - This Washington D.C. based alt rock group were an inspiration to many punk bands and record store nerds everywhere. DIY was basically invented by these guys. They never had a video on MTV, never were played on mainstream radio and never appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. While they are the very essence of business ethics by keeping prices low for their fans (never more than $10 bucks for a show) they come across as unbelievably pretentious and stuck up, like the guys in High Fidelity, except less funny and more depressing. I actually got to see them back in 2001 and I thought it was one of the worst shows I've ever been to. There is a strict no dancing policy at their shows, so basically there were a bunch of goth/nerd (me)/punk/pretentious kids staring blankly at a stage for an hour and a half. Thankfully I was completely drunk. I actually ran into a old high school chum of mine there. Rob G. He did his usual pretend he never met me, ignore me, then go sit in a corner like the bipolar bear that he is. But nevertheless, their songs are great.

2) NOFX - Great punk band out of L.A. Basically the same as Fugazi except a lot less pretentious and a lot more self deprecating. Fell into the political trap after Bush got into office....ugh. Read my lips No...political....bands....are.....any.....good.

3) Rush - Really they had no choice since many people thought they sucked all through their career. Never listened to any suits at the many record companies they were a part of.

4) Primus - Even though Jerry Was a Race Car Driver was a minor hit Les Claypool and the boys stayed true to their quirky music.

MOVIES

1) David Lynch - Completely bonkers but very imaginative. Not what I would call mainstream. Even though I wasn't high during Lost Highway I felt like I was when I was watching it.

2) Robert Altman - Complete cock sucker (may he rest in peace) but you had to respect his convictions. M*A*S*H the movie was great, one of my all time favorites.

3) Crispin Glover - Again, completely bonkers, very eccentric, never did anything normal. I was forced to sit through Rubin and Ed in college. Thought I was going to shoot myself.


THE SELL OUTS

This is pretty much all the talent I have so be prepared for more of the same until you stop giving me money sell out

These are the people that come out like gangbusters but have absolutely no range when it comes to their craft so they start collecting tons of money for basically doing the same shit over and over again.

Best Example from Movies: Matthew McCanohey - Basically plays the dude from Dazed and Confused in all his movies. Even though his abs have more talent than him he still collects millions of dollars to do crap movies. Ever see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Then you've seen all his films.

Runners up: Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Owen and Luke Wilson, Ben and Casey Afflex, George Clooney, Larry The Cable Guy, Will Ferrel (sigh), Mike Myers.

Best Example From Music: The White Stripes - The incest family came out with their 2001 hit album White Blood Cells (get it?) and scored a major hit with "I Met a Girl (actually my sister)" which was kind of catchy, even though it was blatant that they had no talent whatsoever. Well, the next album was the same as before, as was the next album, but for some unknown reason (perhaps Meg White's ginormous boobies) they kept getting more popular. People keep throwing money at them, good for them I guess.

Runners up: Shit, too many to list.

What the fuck? Sell out

These are the ones that had a great following and pretty much shunned anything and everything mainstream through most of their career then BAM! There they are, shilling for a huge company by doing things they've never done before.

Best Example From Music: Perry Farrell - This guy has pretty much defined his career by fronting Porno For Pyros and the wildly popular Indy band Jane's Addiction. He also formed Lallapallozza that served as a haven for depressed, suicidal teens everywhere. Then there I am this year waiting for a football game to start and who do I see dancing in all gold and singing lyrics to a song that he would have said "fuck you" to 10 years ago? Perry Farrell, along with some popular R&B artist and some popular rapper singing about the upcoming game on ABC. Just shocking.

Runners up: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys (though they kind of went backwards), Foo Fighters

Best Example From Movies: This is a toughie but I would have to say the Coen Brothers. Hear me out. Many of their movies were popular but never mainstream, Burger King glass kinds of movies. Blood Simple, Millers Crossing, Fargo, Hudsucker Proxy, The Big Leubowski, not exactly normal fare for the run of the mill corn eating crowd here in the States. Then it started with Oh Brother Where Art Thou, great movie but man did it become popular. Then two movies that I would designate sell out came out from them, Intolerable Cruelty and the remake of the Ladykillers. Two awful movies that screamed give me money.

Runners Up: John Cusack, Jack Black (he sucks anyways), Danny Boyle, it goes on and on.....

I'm more of a corporation more than an artist sell out

These are guys that seem to be running more of a corporation in order to get a shit loads more money than trying to dazzle us with talent, or no talent, like they used to.

Best Example From Movies: Tom Cruise - This is a no brainer, even though he should really be on the "this is the only talent I have" sell out list it just seems that he's more about running the Scientology corporation than he is about making decent movies. As much as I can't stand Cruise he actually did make a few decent movies back in the day, like before 2002. Then when his Scientology beliefs took over his movie output turned ugly very quickly. I mean Jesus, he interviewed Katie Holmes to be his wife.....allegedly. He also has more lawyers than Micheal Moore.

Runners Up: Nicole Kidman, Christopher Walken, Steve Martin, others that I can't think of right now....

Hopefully my political/humanitarian beliefs will keep me in the spotlight since everyone realizes that I really have no talent or have run out of ideas sell out

This is a pretty recent phenomenon where a musical group or actor realizes that his/hers sales are plummeting so they hop on the we hate George Bush (or any Republican), he's a Nazi, liberty is fading fast, global warming will kill us all band wagon. This also includes those who want a huge pat on the back for sticking up for a cause by posing for a few photos next to homeless/starving kids, then leave town without so much of a dollar donated. They also rally people to curb their "carbon footprint" yet still jet set around the world. Bono had his favorite hat flown in first class for him while he was attending a global crisis conference. These guys crack me up.

Best Example From Music - U2 - In all reality the last good album they made was Actung Baby! Since then their albums sounded good at first then quickly become coasters for my cold beverages. All That We Can't Leave Behind was the last album I bought from them because of the strength of Beautiful Day, then about 6 months later the songs wore thin, absolutely no staying power. It also didn't help that one of their songs showed up on the god aweful Tomb Raider movie soundtrack. Of course Bono covers up his musical mediocrity by going to AIDS conferences, climate crisis conferences, just about any humanitarian conference and the U.N. to tell the nation that diseases are bad, poverty is bad and we should all do something about it. Quick name the last U2 album and the single that came off of it. Give up? So do I.

Runners Up: Dixie Chicks, Green Day, Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., Smashing Pumpkins (though it backfired on them), Incubus, Suicide Machines, NOFX, it goes on and on.

Best Example From Movies - Angelina Jolie - Mrs. TMZ has rarely made a good movie, or even ones that were profitable, yet movie execs throw cash at her to star in their movies. She really has no talent and the only thing she's really good at is kidnapping, errr, adopting children from other countries. She's never met a photo shoot that she doesn't like.

Runners Up: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Susan Surandon, Tim Robbins, Martin and Charlie Sheen, Leonardo DeCaprio (who actually is number 2 on this list). I was going to include Sean Penn but as much as he's bat shit insane the guy does have talent.

Note: I truly think these guys secretly voted for Bush, I really do.

I was seriously better when I was on smack sell out. Also known as "no drugs, no soul" sell out.

Pretty self explanatory, people who's careers were obviously better when they were snorting coke, doing eight balls and lighting spoons.

Best Example From Music - Jimmy Page - One of the men behind the success of Led Zeppelin, let's face it, his musical output became horrific after giving up smack.

Runners Up: Not too many that survived actually.

Best Example From Movies - Robin Williams - Let's just imagine this conversation on the set of Good Morning Vietnam.

"Lights? Check. Camera? Check. Sound? Check. Fistful of coke for Mr. Williams? Check."

After smack he just became annoying, VERY annoying. Give him credit though, even though he hasn't made a decent or profitable movie in at least 8 years he still somehow manages to find work.

Runners Up: Pretty much anyone that survived their addiction.

This was a bad post, but I started it and now it's finished.