Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Politics! Politics! Politics! Coin Flip 2008

Anyone ever watch Alien Vs. Predator the movie? It was a pretty shitty movie that I saw while tapped out drunk, so I don't remember the ending and I ended up waking up in a puddle of my own vomit with a pissed off wife looking down at me tapping her foot. But it did have a catchy phrase:

Whoever Wins We Lose!

That's how I feel about the upcoming election. The godfather got my creative juices flowing so I thought I would rant about the state of politics thus far. In my last post I was a little more optimistic about the candidates than I have been in years past. Well, let's just say my tone has changed a tad. Let's break down the candidates starting with the Republicans

The Republicans

Presidential Candidate: John McCain

Potential Slogan: I'm not Bush! (taken from the 2004 Kerry slogan).

What's Going For Them: The fact that the Republicans got their shit together and came to a unanimous decision early so they can actually concentrate on their positions and campaign strategy. Republicans basically chose the less crazy of the candidates.....uh oh.

What's Going Against Them: Media punching bag and the cause of everything bad that ever happened (including global warming) Bush has endorsed McCain. Oh, and the media is just a tad liberal so McCain really has no shot in the eyes of the media. Also, the American public is fickle, a Republican has been in office for the last 8 years, so no matter who runs for the Democrats they will probably get nominated just out of pure curiosity.

The skinny on McCain: He's a conservative but not anchored by the tenants of the modern American conservatism that according to wikipedia.org which last I checked was the most accurate source of everything everywhere. So this might be Bush part III, except McCain can actually speak in public without sounding like Corky from Life Goes On (I've been stuck on the joke).

Political Stance In A Nutshell: Stay the course in Iraq, let's get you guys jobs, help me comb my hair goddammit.

The Democrats

Potential Candidates: Borak don't call me Osama Obama, Hillary Clinton

Potential Slogan: We only hate America 10% less than most liberals.

What's Going For Them: They are not Republicans, a strategy that didn't work in 2004, but really not much is going for them now but lots of infighting. If I told you that an advisor said that Barak only got the nomination because he was black and another advisor called Hillary "a monster" you would instantly think a Republican or at the very least Rush Limbaugh were making these statements right? Wrong, all Democrats have made these statements. So much for liberal tolerance and understanding.

What's Going Against Them: Hillary is related to Bill Clinton, enough already, I'm now 33, which means since the age of 13 a Bush or a Clinton has been in office, time for some new blood. Plus the whole universal health care thing make me itch. Which means the job I have and love will be cut by Hillary by 2009, no thanks. This is what confuses me, for the past 8 years many hardcore liberals have complained so much about the American Government and it's spending and now some are supporting MORE government control and MORE spending for a program that will not work. So the same government in charge of Iraq, Katrina and the DMV will be in charge of my health care...gee, I would rather take my chances on insurance companies.

Barak and the Rev. Wright scandal. A lot of Democrat supporters don't find this a big deal, they even point out the fact that McCain cozied up to Jerry Falwell. That's all well and good but Falwell didn't marry the McCain's, baptize their children, go to his church for the last 20 years and take a title from his sermons and use it as the title of his book (Audacity of Hope). That's a huge difference for me. Plus Rev. Wright is highly influenced by Louis Farrakhan, the biggest racist and anti Semite around (as is Rev. Wright). Barak was cheek to cheek with Farrakhan during the million man march a move that Clinton (of the Bill variety) criticized. Remember when the whole Mel Gibson thing blew up? Remember how everyone (rightly) called him nuts for his raving anti Semitic view and wanted him banished? Why exactly is this different? Oh well, I got to give it to Obama, he survived this scandel pretty well. And that's what ticked my off, I was pretty high on Obama, even to the point of putting his little logo on my shitty blog, then this. Sorry Obama, I don't vote for people associated with hate, oh wait, I did vote for a Republican last time.

Christ, where the hell was I? Oh yeah..

The Skinny On Hillary: Liberal dressed up as a centrist. Actually she dresses up in horrible pant suits.

The Skinny On Barak: No pun intended. Still wants to bring everyone together, I hear ya brother but your associates don't sit with me too well, that and your experience, which is almost nil.

Political Stance In A Nutshell (Hillary): Pull out of Iraq, Bill pull out of me, are you unbelievably unhealthy? No problem smoke and drink and eat like shit, we'll take care of the pancreatitis and COPD for free...well, not exactly free, and you might have to wait in line just a liiiittttle bit longer than now. Do you like the Military? Neither do I, we'll just get rid of that right now.

Political Stance In A Nutshell (Barak): Peace brothas and sistas. I will even mandate that the letters e and r will be replaced by a. So the show ER will now be called "A".

Explanation of my post: I work out in a gym where CNN is played continuously, I've been watching it for the last month. Mind you, I watch no political networks at home. This is what CNN covers in a typical hour:

HILLARY, BARAK, HILLARY, BARAK, BARAK ON REV. WRIGHT, HILLARY, INFIGHTING DEMOCRATS, LARRY KING, ANDERSON COOPER, HILLARY STRATEGIST, BARAK STRATEGIST, mccain, HILLARY, BARAK, LARRY KING, ANDERSON COOPER...

Which explains why I have more opinions on the Democrats than Republicans. I actually have no clue what McCain believes in really.

My vote for the 2008: I have to do it again, I have to vote republican. I feel dirty, I feel awful, but I can't stand Hillary and all anti Semitic things aside for Barak he has absolutely no experience. Nader? No, just like all of us he's a raging hypocrite too.

3 comments:

Godfather Weilhammer said...

Welcome to the team buddy!!!

Good to see you pumping the political juices. Very amusing, and very true. The great thing about the media is that McCain could believe in public hangings for illegals and killing the firstborn in every household, but because of the Democrats' little delegate problem, nobody cares.

You keep me laughing sir!

Michael Maier said...

Your take on McCain is all wrong. There's nothing "conservative" about him.

He's caved on every issue from wetback migration, free speech, gun ownership, taxes, "education for the children!" and everything else under the sun.

Name one position he hasn't betrayed conservatives on. Please! I'd be interested to be proven wrong.

He's another nutjob liberal. All three of the top picks are. It's pathetic.

I think I'm pulling for Hillary. It will be fun to have a Communist Dyke as President.

Prime Mover said...

Well, like I said, I don't know much about McCain other than he's a war veteran, he can't comb his hair and he has an R after his name. Most of the info I read on him has been pretty puff. Most hard core Republicans feel the same way you do I've noticed.

Communist dyke as president - LOL, well she was on Ellen the other day bowling. I can't stand Hillary, if Barak or McCain get into office I actually wouldn't care too much but Hillary? I actually believe the U.S. would go right into the shitter.