Thursday, January 31, 2008

Tiger Woods

Since the only golfer ever mentioned on ESPN is Tiger Woods I might as well throw a couple of suggestions to the PGA regarding their most popular player.

1) Every tournament shall now be named The Tiger Woods Classic.
2) If Tiger fails to make a cut, the tournament is cancelled.
3) If Tiger fails to win the tournament there will be a do over.
4) If Tiger fails to win the do over the tournament is cancelled.
5) The Golf Channel will now be named the The Tiger Channel.
6) Every golfer going against Tiger Woods will be renamed The Washington Generals.
7) Every golfer going against Tiger Woods will not be worthy.
8) Jack Nicholson shall be shot since there is no other golfer greater than Tiger Woods.
9) Since Sam Sneed is dead he will not be shot, he will just never be mentioned again and records of him existing will be erased. If he is mentioned as one of the greatest golfers ever next to Tiger the person that mention that shall be shot.
10) The sport of Golf will be renamed the sport of Tiger.

Seriously , golf is not a sport. No endurance needed, no strength is really needed, no speed, no conditioning, no running. And that big huge golf bag? Oh, someone else carries that for you. Oh, and that guy carrying those golf bags? He can give a ton of advice for what seems like a half hour before you take the shot. How in the hell is this considered a sport? Me masturbating burns more calories than playing golf. Sorry for that visual.

1 comment:

Godfather Weilhammer said...

I think I will name my first child Tiger. Then I will destroy his childhood by forcing him to play "the white man's game" so I can overcome my anger and hatred towards whites. Then he can make millions and marry a white woman just to further show my resentment to "the man."